Thursday, 20 December 2012

WWE Slammys 2012

WWE Slammy Awards 2012

Live from Philadelphia came the Slammy Awards, WWE’s most prestigious awards ceremony in pro wrestling. On December 17th 2012 the results of the evening were in, and awards handed out. It would be different this year however, because you can ONLY vote on the WWE App. You “must” get this app we were told. Numerous complained about the App not working, and the votes, already predetermined, had been rigged! Great start, WWE.

The show began with a match, where Damien Sandow lost to Sin Cara in a fair opener.
Booker T was up next to present the Tell Me, I did not, just, see that... award.

Nominations are – The Brad Maddox Low Blow to Ryback (HIAC) 18 seconds Daniel Bryan losing World title to Sheamus (WM) Kofi Kingston’s miracle save of stupidity on handstand elimination to re-enter the Royal Rumble match, (RR) , The Rock gets Punk’ed, with CM Punk turning and attacking The Great One (Raw1000) 

 The Slammy goes too….

The Boogeyman! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Run and hide! The Boogeyman returned to Raw. What a shocker! The biggest shock would come next, as Boogey entered and Booker T’s eyes were shocked in the corner at podium keeping distance, WWE went to a commercial break. 
Hilarious. After years of absence and a grand return, WWE cut it off.

We don’t know what happened afterwards and he has mysteriously disappeared. 

The Slammy was awarded to Kofi Kingston! Yeah… Punk’s turn or Bryan’s extreme talking point as well as Brad’s shock lost to a handstand in a comedy moment. We were supposed to believe the WWE Universe vote for this. OK, we can see that potential logic.

Brad Maddox popped up!

Kaitlyn had a random two min job with Eve. WWE’s PG version of Barbarella posed for a picture next to Katy-lyn’s body on the floor, out of it. Tasteful.

The Comeback Slammy, which will have numerous options next year, was presented by, The New Age Outlaws. Wow, they are back on screen. For those who don’t know who they are, Billy Gunn and Road Dogg were two of the original members of supergroup D-Generation X and held tag team structure among their time in 1997 and beyond.

The candidates for the Sammy were - Brock Lesnar, Chris Jericho, D-Generation X, Jerry “The King” Lawler 

We have respect for King and his return. We really do and glad he is all well and good. 

However, King did not have a wrestling comeback. He almost died. Though, in WWE, with Vince, as we all know, ANY angle is available for transmission. The Comeback award is for someone who makes a wrestling comeback, not revived from a heart attack, no offence, King.
OK we could see logic in this WWE Universe sympathy vote based on emotional connection.
Another surprise was filled in this ceremony. Kofi Kingston defeated the mass machine Tensai in roughly two minutes, with mass ease. It was a ridiculous strategy for WWE to choose after seeking Tensai to come back to the company to help change its product outlook in some way. Tensai may still be paying for Ryback-gate,, which saw Ryback, the chosen one, unable to lift the heavy Tensai and blamed the former Lord for “sandbagging” him. The fact was Ryback, the great star he is, couldn’t lift his opponent. Ryback was even unprofessional in the ring, drawing attention and shouting at Tensai for ‘messing up.’ Someone else is always at fault when your mishap occurs. That is the natural order in WWE land.

Wade Barrett returns to beat down Kingston after the match for losing the last night and failing to gain the intercontinental championship for champ Kingston. 

The next Slammy was due.

Kiss of the year.

Oooh! Did one help inspire this fullfillmet? You’re Welcome!

Classy lady Vickie Guerrero presented this one.

The nominees were AJ kissing the face off Kane, AJ planting a pecker on Daniel Bryan, AJ for smooching CM Punk, and AJ for snogging John Cena. 

You go girl! The WWE Universe were in hysterics at “slutty” “slut of the year AJ” Well, Kelly Kelly has moved on.

The Slammy went too… AJ! Her partner in crime was WWE’s scandal ridden Casanova, John Cena.

AJ after accepting her award punced on Ziggler and kissed him, in front of Vickie too!  "Noooooooooooooooooooo!" she screamed in disbelief as Dolph didn't stop her.

Tipped for future success by some fans, Dolph chose to no sell the smacker on the lips. 

Up next was the Superstar of Year which gave a “Wooooooooo!” with a special guest after the break. Ric Flair was coming. Tell people to tune in if you’re not watching, quick. We already knew Ric was on his way, but WWE kept it well hidden from as almost everyone they could.  The audience online,at home and in attendance though, had no clue, either.

Wooooooooooo! Flair is back!
The superstar of the Year is John Cena. Yes. Cena, who was injured and off TV for long periods and not very influential at all, beat all competition, including WWE Champion for, how many days now? CM Punk. Fans felt this an injustice. 

Somehow, "for the third year running" John Cena
is superstar of the year once more.
Cena came out to praise as ever the Nature Boy. Typical, yes. After Cena’s adoration for the legend passed he told the two time Hall of Famer he should be taking the award, not Cena. Absurdly, Flair proceeded to accept the award! 

CM Punk lept to the rescue strolling out in disbelief. “Atrocious” he called the behaviour. After trading some words, and some great interactions on the mic, with Paul Heyman giving a fabulous “Wooooo” Flair told Punk he could still go and aimed to settle any grievance in the ring. Are we really going to see this oldie but goodie wrestle? Are the WWE Universe ready for this?

I really don’t want to see Ric Flair have a AAA in the ring, and I’m not talking Lucha style!  
Punk, still injured, used a crutch to jab and slam the returning veteran. Sporting a “Knees 2 faces” tee shirt (Popular prhase this time of year, isn’t it?”  Punk then received an eye poke from the “Dirtiest player in the game.” Tailing to the outside, Naitch grabbed the leg of henchman Heyman and sipped on the Figure 4Leg lock submission. Woooooooooooooooo!

Flair then reminisced he “just came to have a good time.”  “Jerry Lawler, I love you buddy. They aint never gunna lose me and you my friend. I told Vince if I die, die right here, with a woman from Philadelphia.” Flair still maintains his charm. 

Sirens blazed around the arena. Oh No! The Shield were coming. 

JBL said Flair should be leaving now. Of course, Ric couldn't hear the announce desk and chose to remain. He even casually said “Come on down boys.”

Flair was about to be seemingly decimated. As the bad boys approached, Team Hell No arrived on the scene to support the ledge. Ambrose decked Flair in the confusion, as his cohorts began dismantling the table at ringside. Surely someone will save him? Who could it be. Of course, it will be John Cena, he saves everyone. 

The purple wearing attired hero arrived. It was Ryback! Still dressed in purple matching attire to John Cena’s former self, now in a leotard fashion, came to save the day. Rollins took another table smash two nights running from Ryback, after TLC, and now as Ryback flung him down on the table, as Rollins literally bounced.

It was unbelievable. Yes, unbelievable, not epic, just crazy that people cannot still get on board with the Ryback character, clad in Cena matching attire and same approach with no interest and never shaking chants of “Goldberg!” WWE need to can it and sort it out pronto if to establish their reputation. This turns people off from what was a fairly good segment.

Flair was raised onto the shoulders of Kane, Bryan and Ryback after they cleared The Shield out. 

Flair’s return ran into four commercial breaks. Returning from the last break, was backstage with Bryan and Kane as they all yelled Yes, No and Woo over one another. Ron Simmons was around and stumbled on them, pausing, unwanting to but could not fathom the theatrics and expressed himself. “Damn!”

Brodus Clay and his dancers came out for a match, against JTG. He was checking out the view from the outside of Cameron and Naomi. Clay wasn’t happy with this and soon finished JTG off in minutes.

Santino Marella and Tensai came to present the next Slammy as Tensai tripped on his way out, almost falling over. He had a bandage on his head so ridicuolous that looked like Shrek, the ogre. This was WWE’s intention.

Full of shocks, tonight, Tensai, like Hornswoggle, found his vocal chords. Marella made references to Tensai, and claimed in translation, it meant “Fat Albert.” Yep, they finally caved in and acknowledged the chants that stalked Tensai. We can only wonder when Ryback will be revealed.

They went on to present the LOL moment of the year Slammy.

The choices were - The Rock’s history lesson, throwing Cena merchandise into a river. Team Hell No’s Anger Management issues. Randy Orton backstage in catering over nailing coffee and hot chilli over Ricardo Rodriguez intended for Alberto Del Rio, whilst then slamming Matt Striker’s face into a cake and Vickie Guerrero dancing.

Orton’s nomination was not a LOL moment in the slightest. If WWE feel this is their best comedy, they are behind. The Universe felt there was one clear winner, though anger management failed to scop the slammy. Neither did the expert dane off with Vickie Guerrero’s hot moves against Brodus Clay. 

The Rock won the Slammy. WWE felt obligated to give him one. The Rock will be on TV over the next few months and wrestling at Royal Rumble and in the Elimination Chamber with a run up to Wrestlemania. Rock’s history lesson was an excellent promo, but it was not in the least funny. It was an excellent promo. 

Unfortunately, as the “WWE Universe” chose the winner, not WWE, of course, to set up a Wrestlemania beginning, The Rock wasn't in attendance to accept. Not even “Via Satellite.”
Sin Cara’s music plays. (!) Daniel Bryan charges out and says he should have won and it was his Slammy after Santino attempted to take it for himself. Kane came out, as fans felt he would argue it was his Slammy, though he sparred us this pain and whisked Bryan up and carried the erratic Bryan off.

Tensai reformed back into Albert, something WWE wanted to avoid and then realised had no choice as everyone was strong at following Albert. Though its choice to destroy his momentum was baffling, especially after it sought him and new attempts to create stale stars for every department of WWE structure to prop up its ailing walls.

Fat Albert. Is that a sexy piercing nickname?

Sin Cara and Cody Rhodes begin their match in ring. Lighting goes down. Sandow seen. Rey also at ringside. Rhodes win. Fin.

Approach the last few Slammy’s was the Trending now # of the year

Layla and Zack Ryder presented this one. Layla’s vocals were a laugh. She tripped a few words, and Ryder was simply a goon. He was nominated. You think he will win, then?

The nominees for the hashtag symbol that trended the most, which WWE continually make up. Have you noticed how they say something is trending worldwide, yet it hasn’t made the trend list when you look directly at the Twit list of trends? Nevertheless, the Slammy was for either…
FeedMeMore, PeoplePower, LittleJimmy, or WWWYKI

The winning hash was FeedMeMore. What a surprise. “The WWEUniverse” ‘voted’ for Ryback, a man that has not been over whatsoever and booed and likened to another superstar who has tasted glory at the highest peak, as a # trend. Most people did not use that hashtag, but, this is WWE. Ryback is quite big there these days from inside. How’s Sheamus doing?

After this debacle, the Big Show arrives, with a over grown chair from the previous TLC. 

Michael Cole told us to “look what he is dragging to ring. Walking gingerly to the ring.”

Ooohh. ‘Michael Cole’ loves using that “gingerly EVERY single time when Big Show enters, doesn’t he? ‘Michael Cole’ can seemingly only use the same word, in the same context, for the same scenario, EVERY single time. “I don’t like when people over repeat themselves.” (Bryan, D: 2012) 

WWE's most dominant star was booed out of the building, whilst met with a lukewarm opponent aiming to build them up to no reaction Sheamus took out Show.

Dummy nation favourite Dolph Ziggler cheaply charged out with his briefcase. Wasn’t the same level of interest when Daniel Bryan was in the same scenario last year. Some instantly got excited. Ooooh, this is it! John Cena stormed the ring and clotheslined Ziggler, then viciously shoving him into the barricade outside. Ziggler didn’t get started, so, technically holds on to his case. WWE book it the same way, every time. They do not know how to make it different. The same players are always involved, too, with just one briefcase holder as a different selected input yearly. We take it back. WWE do know how to do comedy. Ziggler constantly remains a jobber joke.

3MB said they would sing live on Raw. Alberto Del Rio and The Miz stopped this and did something with them. People weren’t really interested. Miz/Rio is fine, but 3MB are not. Slater, however, has the most options of the three.

Vickie and Dolph argued about the kiss with AJ how her input at TLC was managed by Ziggler.  He denied seeking her involvement. Vick was well annoyed. So much so she booked Dolph and new squeeze AJ in a match against John Cena and... Vickie Guerrero! Oh, it, is on!
A repeat from last night’s impromptu match at TLC with 3MB, saw Miz and Del Rio, now honourable forces in the WWE Universe, challenge 3MB. It’s all getting a bit repetitive, isn’t it? They found a third mystery partner. Unlike last night, it would not be the Brooklyn Brawler. It was Tommy Dreamer! Unfortunately it wasn’t our hoping of Doink the Clown.

Jinder Mahal was very sloppy on his knee drops. Drew was slow and tired. Heath, whatever. Bertie got tagged in. Cleared house on Slater and Drew. Del Rio whomps a fierce superkick. Mahal breaks up. “Destiny!” Jump up enziguri follows. Rio needs to loose the Destiny chant if he is refreshing character. Most fans didn’t like that before as his only statement. Alby looks to guest of the night Tommy Dreamer who wants the tag in. Rio gives it. Dreamer drops a DDT on Slater. Covers with a three fall. Crowd cheer hometown hero.

The Miz gave some beautiful Open Legs tonight. 
Sheamus returned to present Slammy for Newcomer of the year.

Half of these categories are implementations of our Wrestling Wonders End of Year Award, it would seem. There isn’t no “Divalicious” award this year. You know where that comes from. Click here – Wrestling Wonders End of Year Awards 

The newcomers were announced. Brodus Clay, Damien Sandow, Ryback, and Antonio Cesaro.

The “WWE Universe” voted again. ‘They’ chose Ryback.

Antonio Cesaro was miffed at the selections and told everyone what was really on our minds. “Voting is rigged!” he expressed, after he failed to receive recognition also.Well, what can we say, it’s the “WWE Universe.”

Cesi said he was the “True newcomer of the year. Stronger than Ryback. Smarter. I am a champion.”

Ryback still can’t shake “Goldberg” chants.

They had a brief encounter, which shouldn't have happened  Ryback doesn't deserve Cesaro's level of competition. 

Neutraliser. Bodydrop. Spinebuster. Arm pumping fist. Cesaro outside leave. Lifted up and over ropes into ring, leaving other side.  

Mean Gene Okerlund. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and “JR” Jim Ross presented the final Slammy of the evening for Match of the year.

JR mentioned that “all deserving” were the candidates, which clearly states that at least one is bound to be a joke insertion, despite expert attempts to sell them all.

Undertaker/Triple III (WM) Brock Lesnar/John Cena (Extreme Rules) Sheamus/Big Show (Hell in a Cell) The Rock/John Cena (Wrestlemania)

So good they nominated him twice. The Slammy went to Undertaker/ Triple H.

The Game then strode to the podium to accept the award. His retirement lasted long. Trips has got a sexy new haircut, so why not show it off! After using this to get back on TV for a few mins, Hunter leaves a parting note of The Undertaker “Not seen the last of The Undertaker.” He’ll be back at Royal Rumble. As for Triple H, who at Undertaker/Triple II at Wrestlemania, agreed to retire as per stipulation, returned to fight Brock Lesnar this year in the autumn. He agreed to retire after losing to Lesnar. We shall see if this holds up. Until then, Triple h is passing through. 
The Shield backstage attack Tommy Dreamer. It’s what he is there for. Resident mauling machines. Ricardo Rodriguez from nowhere springs to the scene to ask them to stop. The basis of this reason was unknown and unobvious. He was hurled into the garage shutter for his 

Kick in back of Dreamer as they left, where Tom gave a whimper of pain was an excellent sell.

Nymph AJ skips to the ring for the final match of the evening. 

She sits atop the hugest of ladders. After all else arrive, Vickie and AJ scramble until AJ leaves. Vickie at a loss decides to let the boys duke it out instead. Yes, this tag inter-gender match up was over in less than a few minutes. Why book when they were the whole part of the formation for the match? Blame the “WWE Universe” we don’t know anymore what to pin it on. It’s what they are there for, anyway.

AJ arrives from the back in surprise soon after as Dolph and Cena are still at it, but AJ has got some big bulky beefcake with her. Who is this? An assault from Big E Langston was launched on John Cena. The announce desk, namely Michael Cole were flapping around with glee telling us it was another guy from NXT that the “WWE Universe” responded  how WWE are expecting them to know who this random is on our screens if we don’t watch NXT. Anyway, he came out and attacked and then it ended. Lame finish to Raw with now tale for next week and no strong story interaction, not even with a beating, or whatever.

Of all the people they call up, the terrible calamity of brick muscle Big E Langston was their choice. Why don’t WWE learn? 

WWE went all out to restore faith in its product and the Slammy’s started that. The first parts of the show were tedious and stalling. Then returns boosted the show somewhat. Then the piqued interest peaked with mediocrity once again. They finished with nothing and even though he’s terrible, didn’t even give a new call up to TV a solid introduction. 

Humourously, WWE finds itself in the same problem once again. Fans instantly took to twitter to inform that the new stars of brick muscle with no skills, who is black, was dubbed “Ryblack” Not my words… Looks like Eddie Murphy from Beverley Hills Cop! 

WWE have Mark Henry returning soon as a babyface. Langston is a shoe in for a match programme, surely, in WWE’s standards.

How it gets past Ryblack with Ryback as Goldberg will be the biggest challengers. WWE have opened its floodgates again with daft decisions, just as it was attempting to restore the faith in fans worldwide. One suggestion, while we’re at it, that you’re open to, ditch the three hour Raws, they aren’t working. Also, get Langston off my tele while you’re at it before it begins. Now is the most crucial time not to mess with your audience, if ever.

You’re Welcome!

© Max Waltham 20th December 2012
All Rights Reserved

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