Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Damien Sandow cashes in Money in the Bank contract

Title contender proves 
unsuccessful victory 

A lot has happened in 48 hours in WWE land. Damien Sandow has cashed in his Money in the Bank contract, challenging the new World Heavyweight Champion John Cena.

Cena won the title one day previous on Sunday past at PPV Hell in a Cell, defeating Alberto Del Rio. Cena had returned from a two month injury to grab what WWE recognise as his “fourteenth World title.”

Sandow cashed in the contract for a World title opportunity on the post Hell in a Cell Raw on October 28th. Sandow entered a competent tussle lasting a near thirteen minutes. Cena retained the title.

The plan was always for Sandow, as a Max Waltham rip off, to lose the title cash in. Cena was hailed a hero by WWE, beating “The Intellectual Saviour of the Masses” with “one arm.” 

Last year Cena cashed in the Heavyweight title case for the WWE heavyweight crown, and became the first superstar to lose a cash in.

It was earlier revealed WWE are planning a change for Sandow to present him as an honourable man instead of a rouge aggressor.

At the height of Sandow's attempt, fans chanted "This is Awe-some!" Cena may be protected as its stronghold, but WWE remained entirely weak in comparison. Fans still believe John Cena is the man running WWE.  

WWE wanted to ‘send a message’ through Sandow with public embarrassment. WWE fans were livid of the ignorance on offer to ruin a potential new upstart, where WWE is desperate for fresh, new talent to arise.

Hey, this is the WWE, kid. 

©  Max Waltham 29th October 2013

Monday, 28 October 2013

Hell in a Cell 2013

WWE Hell in a Cell 2013

WWE’s 2013 instalment of the steel cage structure Hell in a Cell screened live on pay per view on Sunday October 27th from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida.

After the Orton/Bryan drama, no champion and a returning from injury John Cena would WWE be able to settle a level of stability and strength in placing its workforce competently?

WWE Tag Team Championship
Tag Team, Triple Threat 
Cody Rhodes and Goldust (c) Vs Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns and The Uso’s

The announce desk informed us the Rhodes Bros have 30% chance of retaining.30 x 3 = 90. 90% still leaves 10% spare. If you don’t know, nor understand, don’t say it. Goldust and Rollins begin the bout where Jey Uso was tagged in from Rollins after being run by Goldie. Quick cover from Goldust. Tag of Rhodes in. Takes a one fall. Jimmy Uso tagged in as Rhodes remained oblivious. Rhodes begins a bonkers appraisal, clapping of the Uso, for upstaging him. Goldust comes back in. Headbutt from Uso as tag made. Jey slapped by the golden C3PO gimmick. Reigns blind tags in as Uso was flung to the ropes as Reigns trips the feet of Goldie from outside to gain an advantage. Rollins outside attacks as legal man then covers inside for two. Rollins tags Reigns to isolate Goldust, taking a two fall.

Goldust forced into a fierce arm lock sleeper. Reversed into a backslide pin for two from the movie loving golden dream. Crawling to tag missing and covered by Reigns once more for a two count. DDT on Reigns to gain separation. Rollins tags in and dropkicks Rhodes off the apron. Goldust counters making it to corner. Rhodes not there forcing Cody to tag in an Uso, potentially winning. Goldust back in as The Shield blindsided both Uso’s as Goldust attempted to make a tag. Rhodes enters with a cheap shot before getting back to apron. Rollins’ tantalising voice taunts “poor Goldust.”

Reigns runs into a scoop slam from Goldust. Tags in Cody. Takes down Reigns on apron and Rollins into roll through two fall. Climbs atop with a Moonsault, practically missing every possible connection required when wayward flight to the right of opponent. Uso made a tag on Cody who missed the Disaster Kick to Rollins. Two fall only. Reigns saved a second pin. Goldust caught on Reigns as Uso tilts them over, having to double tip Reigns over in tentative hold up. Uso charges outside over Goldie and Reigns, while other Uso charges at Rollins, who kicks out at two. Rollins drops rope as Uso climbs. Rhodes tags in from Uso but battered into corner by Rollins.

Placed atop turnbuckle. Both on top now. Rhodes suplexes Rollins to the outside on top of all the combatants. Rollins sold it like a pro, with strong fluidity on collision. Ref counted a two as Uso jumped onto a covering Cody over Rollins breaking the count. Spear by Reigns out of nowhere. Uso’s out as fast as in by Rollins. Seth hit by Goldust as Rhodes back in. Goldust plants a right hand on Rollins knocking him back into a lurking, despondent Cody Rhodes to grab a cheap pinfall to retain the tag team championships. The terrible mash up music continues.

The Miz decided to give a monotone promo after a pathetic limp towards the ring. The laughable Miz then called out Bray Wyatt. What an absurd decision to make. Miz laid himself wide open to Wyatt as the fodder he is. Upon speaking to the wrong level of media attention, Bray Wyatt answered The Mizes call.

Moronic Miz gives an 'interview.'
“It pains me to see you like this. Like a man who has nothing left to lose. Please understand, your words mean less than salt to me. If you could only see the monster that lives behind my eyes. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa” Wyatt laughed.

Rowan and Harper then maul the lacklustre Miz.  The crowd chanted “We want Kane.”
The flames then burst on the titantron as Kane charged down the ramp and took out Wyatt’s lackies.

Kane then predictable and pleasing chokeslammed weakling Miz in a pleasing display. It also ticks off our dream feud posted months back of Kane Vs Miz. Though, now, The Miz is clearly beneath the fire breathing monster.

Mixed Tag
Fandango w/ Summer Rae Vs The Great Khali and Natalya w/ Hornswoggle

Dancing with the superstars saw Fandango wiggle his booty and Summer Rae shake her, ahem, assets, what of them. Rae enters her first match in WWE, on prime time. Good luck dolly.
Squarker Rae.
Fannydangler told everyone to “Shh!” before asking the audience what they knew about Salsa dancing. “There is only one true master of the art of Salsa.” (Ahh, look at you resigning yourself to my net worth.)  The pair actually attempt a Salsa dance with appropriate music, soon interrupted by their opponents.

WWE have decided that the unexplained break up of Nattie and Khali is now magically back on after Rae had a scrap with Natalya, previously elsewhere. Just like that, a match is born and a pairing is resurged with no logic involved whatsoever. “This is the WWE and the rules can change.” – Triple H. Let us also not forget WWE splashed Natalya's wedding to husband Tyson Kidd all over the E Network on Reality Show Total Divas!

Khali battles Fandango in a daft exchange as Rae and Nattie work together. It is up to esteemed female Natalya to work Summer Rae to a decent match, of which Natalya did excellently despite Rae’s inability to be interesting enough. Rae bounced off the rope with a toe trip planted. Rae screams in the corner as Fandango is tagged in and Natalya grabs the dancer for a sharpshooter, avoided. Hornswoggle outside mocks Fandango as a gripped trunk grabs Fanny D. Fandango soon gets the best of Khali in the ring soon after.

Natalya tries to slap Fandango from the apron as ‘Dango misses and lands into Khali’s instead followed with a boot. Rae tagged in and smiles to dance around Khali in a promiscuous fashion as Natalya charges in and suplexes Summer Rae all over. Nat kicks Rae in the face with a clothesline for good measure. Rae reaches ropes after a sharpshooter attempt. Summer Rae then rolls up Natalya and gains a three fall victory for her and Fandango over The Great Khali. That’s how a WWE diva’s match works, folks.

United States Championship
Dean Ambrose (c) Vs Big E Langston

The basis for this bout? On the pre-show Ambrose and Langston had a verbal disagreement leading to a fight, so Smackdown General Manager Vickie Guerrero booked the title match. Langston was due to battle Curtis Axel for the Intercontinental Championship on the pre-show. WWE, high on Langston all of a sudden, was thrown into yet another match of no importance.

Langston botches a fast attack on Ambrose knocking him down and falling over Amborse sideways in a rushed pin. WWE describe Langston as having an “IT Factor” about him. Ambrose caught in a charge held by Langston. The pair work down in the corner. Langston’s superhuman strength allows being hit by Ambrose with slaps and chops to no effect. The destructive force that was Dean Ambrose is easily pummelled by Langston. Ambrose worn down in a bearhug. Breaks free only to be hurled over to the outside, hurting knee on fall. Ambrose countered Langston attempting to lift him back inside. The pair try to suplex one another on the apron between the ropes. Ambrose gets the best of Big E sending him outside. Big E almost counted out breaks at a near eight. 

Has "IT" apaprently.
Ambrose uses hard kicks and a wear down in corner of opponent. Attempts to climb above with widened open legs above Big E’s head. Someone whistles. Langston block barges Ambrose into the ring so pathetically with a touch to break free. Clothesline’s taking down the US champ with a cover of two from Langston. Runs ropes to drop and body squash, missing and into the ground. Then quickly gets best of Ambrose again. Then splashes Ambrose successfully again in an all too easy exchange. Liability Big E gashed above the eye. Ambrose had no other option but to audibly direct Langston and dropped a DDT for two fall. Ambrose flung into turnbuckle post as laggy Langy charges a spear to Ambrose taking both outside the ring, top centre.

Staggering Dean Ambrose was fed up and became counted out after retrieving his title to leave.  Big E. Langston followed Dean Ambrose, still United States Champion, sneaking up on him to drop a Big Ending finisher planking flapjack thingy and raised the title above to signify the new challenging series. Challenging is the operative word, for certain.

Langston’s Ho train attack was shown again where he busted himself open. Yes, a simplistic move as that broke Langston open.

2 on 1 Handicap
Hell in a Cell
CM Punk Vs Ryback and Paul Heyman

After Punk and Ryback enter, Heyman makes his way to the Cell on a driving stairlift being operated by a moron who doesn't have a driving licence and went round in circles. Absolutely hilarious.

Devilishly good.
“I am the best in Hell! You sold your soul to the devil, but I am not just Paul Heyman, in WWE I am Satan himself, and right there is the man who is going to steal your soul. Now is the time that I collect, because CM Punk, I have risen from the depths of hell and I have ascended to the top of the world for my name is Max Waltham Paul Heyman, and I own C, M , PUNK!” as Heyman was lifted upwards to the top of the Cell. 

Punk charges into Ryback and takes his ankle down while stomping on toes and body. Punk charges into Ryback near the door through the ropes as Ryback moans on his back. Punk grabs a kendo stick and smashes it over neanderthal Ryback. Ry-b tells him to get up and slams him back and forth as Punk lets out a yelp. “You’re a Punk!” Ryback yells.

Back in ring Ryback uses the stick in the corner as Heyman glares down from the centre atop the Cell. Ryback slowly walks Punk around with a few jabs. Flings Punk into corner. Drop slams down on Punk missing any contact. “You can’t wrestle” plagued boreback. Punk gets back with grabs and tips rope down as Ryback traditionally falls over the rope to outside. Punk climbs the corner again to smash down on Ryback. Ryback pathetically charged into Punk reaching for something under the ring. The crowd laughed. 

Punk vs Ryback last year at Hell in a Cell, with Kendo Stick
and extra influence. My, how things change.
Ryback runs into Punk on the narrow strip between ring and Cell pitifully. Ryback loudly tells ref to “move” as he suplexes Punk into the steel a few times with no painful impact whatsoever. It looked ridiculous. Back in ring Ryback covers Punk for two. Heyman on top of the Cell watching. Punk aims to reach the kendo stick lying in ring. Ryback has trouble holding Punk on his back to drop down Punk in a weak exchange. Ryback wraps arms around the guts of Punk. The sound of the crowd was empty. Punk hits knees of Ryback on an approach. Runs a jump up knee to no feeling. A couple of Punk chants begin to stir some hope for the worker who will be excused for having Ryback. Punk isn’t exactly excelling, is he? Ryback talks again before lifting a Shell Shock as Punk blocks it. CM Punk grabs the kendo stick nearby and smashes it into Ryback.

The comedown period continues. Punk runs a touching knee into Ryback. Elbow drop from Punk got a two count. Punk brings in a table as cheers begin for some excitement in the match. Ryback wakes and give Punk a club to the back to stop him. The table sideways set, Ryback tries to powerbomb Punk through it who counters and instead Ryback turns and lifts Punk’s goolies onto the table where Punk hovered over before sitting down on. It was a terrible enactment. Heyman laughs.

Ryback sets table properly as CM Punk hits a low blow as a fan favourite to the nasty monster Ryback. Punk uses the turnbuckle to gain leverage in putting Ryback through the table in the only defining moment of the match. It wasn’t that great, either. Punk smashes the stick again over Ryback’s skull and hits a GTS for CM Punk to cover Ryback for a three fall victory in a tepid encounter. Punk looks north to Heyman.

“Where you going to go?” Punk Skywalker asks, equipped with kendo stick. (Again)

Jerry Lawler states “What goes up must come down.”

Punk climbs the top with stick in his pants by his butt crack. Grabs Heyman’s collar and violently hits Heyman with the stick aggressively. Is an honourable man supposed to do this? Heyman lifted into GTS position as Punk knocks Heyman down to the Cell centre roofing patch.

Tag Team
Los Matadores w/ El Torito Vs Antonio Cesaro and Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter

Fernando and Diego grace PPV for the first time with their little raging bull El Torito. The guilty pleasure, filled with humour, interest and a level of workability, the trio charged down the ramp. Agile Torito runs rings around the battle arena while Michael Cole breaks kayfaybe all over the place for El Torito the great.

Colter, armed with microphone begins his verbal onslaught. Telling the ‘immigrants’ they are criminals, Colter also attacked the crowd with his xenophobic levels of propaganda on immigration.   

Cesaro and Diego begin as Diego flips over the rope of turnbuckle well. Works Cesaro decently. Cesaro then flings Diego to the outside where Swagger botches a running charge on the outside.

The Un Real Americans
“The only masked man who wasn’t a criminal was the Lone Ranger” JBL discusses with Cole.

Swagger takes charge inside before tagging Cesaro in. Cesaro’s bulging muscles shone through with an aggressive and tight head/arm lock of Le Matadore. Cesi smashes a boot into the waiting matador hoping to tag in. It’s time for the ever available Cesaro swing on Diego. Cesaro swings and swings and swings near a rough thirty no doubt in a daft yet impressive fling around. Luckily JBL was counting and informed he swung a recorded thirty-one times! I need to book Cesaro for that party piece. Swagger took charge in ring with no interest as filler while ‘Toni dealt with other one outside well. Cesaro holds rope further away as Swagger has one in submission. Cesaro got butted off as the other matador smacked Swagger as, presumably, Diego? Grabbed the three fall for himself and Fernando.

Colter was ashamed and dismayed with his boy’s loss in middle of ring slamming the mat in frustration. El Torito flung over Zeb and minicanrana’ed Cesaro attempting a save as he butted his horns into Zeb’s derrière once more akin to the Smackdown prior, and launched on top of both Colter and Swagger to silence the nauseating Colter.

World Heavyweight Championship
Alberto Del Rio (c) Vs John Cena

Cena returned from his two month injury tonight, instantly launched into the World title match with Del Rio. Cena will be working with a taped up arm. Will Cena win or will Del Rio gain the advantage of the injury returnee? WWE love to keep you guessing.

Intro’s over the pair lock up. Cena audibly instructing Rio in a loose headlock of next match procedure. Rio already works injured arm as announce booth heavily focus on it directly. “Let’s go Cena/ Cena Sucks” plagued the match again. Cena runs a light touching shoulder barge with no effect to knock Del Rio down. The pair square off again, stalling for time. Ri runs a boot to Cena’s head who drearily tilts his head down inside slow motion like a limp anti-climax. Rio runs the ropes, giving Cena a light tap to the back going outside as Michael Cole debates claims Cena has “gone soft.” What irony. Del Rio follows a two fall. Cena botched a boot to the face from Rio twice, failing to connect anything. Cena reverse’s Rio’s run with a toe hold. Rio gets a German suplex and two cover. Grips Cena into arm back hold. Aggressive arm wrench from ‘Bertie. Rio stood with a hand lock over Cena for some time, bellowing messages to the inept Cena what to do next.

Cena makes the comeback after talking so visibly to Rio once again. Cena rolls a flip and dropkick on Rio, running into a forwarm on Del Rio as Cena just back sits down. Rio up top jumps down level and taps stumbling Cena down. Rio applies another arm lock. Cena just opens Rio arm to drop down as Rio gets best, runs the ropes and crashes through ropes to outside as Cena simply moves aside. Sandow was shown seconds ago watching on the backstage screens.

Rio taunts hand gesture of Cena who jump up kicks Rio from top drop turnbuckle again. Cena too easily lifts Rio with a slow lift and drop before following the five knuckle shuffle. Rio counters the AA with a double knee backbreaker. “Se Se Se” rings out. Rio runs into a Cena elbow jab. Cena gets a two fall. The Cena indifference chants begin again in loud motions. Cena jumps up an enziguri on Cena climbing the top turnbuckle.  Sandow watching again.

Cea walk runs to miss enziguri to give Cena a comeback who slowly runs the rope into a Rio whirlbackbreaker for two fall. Rio places Cena backward and down on the corner post to kick him then run into him, where Cena lifts himself up. Rio smashed into the turnbuckle himself as Cena climbs atop to jump a cross body “for the World Title!” Michael Cole proclaims.

Chitter Chatter Cena 
Rio regains control again and puts cross armbreaker on as Cena easily slips out and applies the no pressure STF. “He’s got it locked in good” Cole adds after seen with a huge gap in submission hold. Rio gets fingers on the rope which coutns as a break. Rio smacks a kick to Cena for two again.

"He's got it locked in good."
Rio relocks the cross armbreaker. Cena powered up with a in submission to lift up powerbomb as always to change the pace. Rio countered AA only to be recountered into it. John Cena pinned Alberto Del Rio to lift the World Heavyweight Championship in the biggest miscarriage of justice on WWE TV.  Fans were furious, and not in the correct aspect of wrestling values. Many felt WWE crapped on its own division once again to reward an out of play Cena a championship so freely. “John Cena silenced the critics” the ever delusional Michael Cole bleats after fans were ever so critical of Cena’s glowing accomplishment of workrate to win a title.

Job squad Dolph Ziggler, poster boy R-Truth (with claims of failing a second wellness test covered up by insiders of WWE, allegedly) and phantom Diva Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn wittered on too long as “former best friend” AJ’s music began.

WWE Unified Women’s Championship
AJ (c) w Tamina Vs Brie Bella w/ Nikki Bella

Hidden in the guise of the platinum butterfly belt, AJ was accompanied by heavy Tamina. Lock up with instant scream of Brie. Why? Just why? Pair break and stair off. AJ slaps and hits Brie who punches down AJ in a replay of the exact Battleground match 2 weeks prior. AJ wrenches arm of Bella who flips a slam. AJ taps into back of Brie and chin lock pushes her back against rope falling Brie to outside. One fall for AJ. Brie scream “Ah!” constantly. Nikki bellows “come on Brieeeeeeeeeeeeee.” 

Similar scene from Battleground two weeks prior.
AJ works down Brie minimally. Slow pace into a neckbreaker as Brie screams on EVERY move taken. “Awwww!” “Uhhhh!” Brie continues as she and AJ began a series of numerous uneventful reversals. AJ now sits on Brie in wrap around lock. Screams “Tap Brie!” as before. Brie runs a screaming run to break and an “Uhhhhhnnn!” dropkick. Screams something to the crowd.


Brie, STFU!

Brie pitifully dropkick and clotheslines with sound bellowing on every ove continually to no effect on partner or crowd. Funnily guys start objectifying the girls with wold whistles. Nikki then runs around and hits Tamina as AJ was in submission. AJ avoided as Brie smashes in Nikki. AJ graps the Black Widow submission on Brie Bella who pats AJ’s thigh to sumbit and lose the chance to become the champion.

WWE Championship
Hell in a Cell
Special Referee – Shawn Michaels

“Insolence will not be tolerated” – Stephanie McMahon Raw. Stern warnings to Randy Orton from Michaels if Orton lays hands on HBK in the match. Triple H’s assessment of “B+ player” Daniel Bryan doesn’t see the goatface superstar as “Best for Business.” The held up WWE title is on the line. Both Bryan and Orton have been transitional champions and Michaels vows to crown a new WWE champion from this crippling and defining steel structure. Whose your money on? Bryan, Orton or No-one? Here we go.

Mentor Michaels to Rookie Bryan.
Triple H could not resist popping down clutching ‘his’ prized possession, the WWE Championship. A title Hunter claimed “Randy Orton carries for me.” He shakes the Viper’s hand, then extends to Bryan after taunting the title in front of Bryan as the Cell descends locking all three gents inside.

Start to the running outside, Orton chases Bryan who heads back inside swiftly. Orton follows and catches Bryan with a run into hard scoop slam by Orton. Early double DDT foiled as Bryan scales top rope. Knocks down Orton and follow kicks to gut in turnbuckle. Orton responds with run ropes dropkick keeping momentum well. Bryan hoisted onto ropes from chest drop onto. Once again on east side of ring ropes to the gut of Bryan. Orton charges Bryan into the Cell off the apron afterwards. Flung Bryan into the steps and dismantles more. Orton barges the heavy steps into Bryan’s shoulder. Orton sets vertical steps in corner. Reversed Irish whip on outside into the steps by Bryan changes gameplay. Kicks and hurls in the cell and steps of Randy’s head.

Pals Hunter and HBK
Bryan takes a cover inside failing to win. The vicious YES! Kicks follow. Lift and sits Orton up on turnbuckle in a good exposure. Tilts Orton upside down as Bryan runs to corner to charge into Orton with the crowd “ohhhh”ing in anticipation. Bryan launches outside ruing dives on Orton into the cell until a third attempt saw Orton avoid and throw an airy Bryan into the steel for good measure.

Experience Hell in a Cell combatant.
Also sporting a fierce body.
Bryan was soon smashed into the turnbuckle then backbreakered to the outside charismatically. Orton headbutts Bryan in a new level of interest. Bryan punches Orton’s mid-section, countered a flip down and smashed a stunning powerbomb onto Orton. Uppercut and punch exchanges from Orton and Bryan respectively. Yes/No indifference also added from on goers in the crowd.  Bryan runs two corner charge dropkicks to Orton. YES! Kicks continue with a hurricanrana off top rope adding weardown on Orton. Bryan drops a diving headbutt to gain a two fall. Miss around nail o roundhouse kick countered by Orton, soon counter by agile Bryan with a submission. Orton humphing in mild pain as Michaels responds he can’t break hold in this legal structure. Bryan works Orton into the cage meshing with another running dropkick in such narrow space. Brings chair into play smashing the back of poor Randy, in severe pain.

Bryan added a constant amount of chairs to the ring as Jerry Lawler asked JBL how many chairs were in there. Answer? Ten. Plus the one Bryan is holding. Yeah, we do the research, you know. Bryan stuffs the chair into Orton’s gut and over the back before placing inside the ring. Orton jumps up and rakes the eye of Bryan. Jabs the chair to Bryan’s body and gains two fall. Swings the chair for more impact and gets a two for Orton once more.

“Kid continues to stay in it” Michael Cole says as Orton failed another chair to pin fall two count. Orton suplexes Bryan atop the turnbuckle. Tense scenes as Bryan knocks Orton down, who charges back with a tough jab. Orton hooks Bryan’s head and throws the leg backward with a crushing suplex into the chairs below. Orton covers for close two fall. Orti debates with the ref as Triple H marches to the ring displeased. The crowd cheer for Triple H with “A**hole!” Argues with Shawn as Bryan comes back as Orton hooks a suplex to pin as Michaels misses count. Orton argues with Shawn for failing to count him as new champion. “Get off of my back!” HBK – HHH. Tripper asks if Michaels will do this. Orton soon drops the devastating second rope DDT on Bryan.

King Randall the Third. And those lips.
Angry Gorilla Triple H attempts to climb the Cage as Bryan shoves Orton away who lands into Michaels putting all men on the canvas. Hunter’s concern for his friend comes through. Tripper orders the ref’s and doctor to open the cage. Bryan then hit Orton who had the crowd count along a seven count as Michaels was unavailable. HHH enters to check on Michaels as Bryan spears into Shawn Michaels as he celebrates. Livid Shawn Michaels sweet chin music’s Daniel Bryan to the floor as Randy Orton wakes to scuffle over Orton. Michaels deliberates and reluctantly counts fairly to crown Rand as the new WWE champion and face of the WWE.

PPV Rating – 5/10

Men/Women of their matches – Roman Reigns, Natalya, Dean Ambrose, CM Punk, Diego, Alberto Del Rio, AJ, Daniel Bryan

Man/Woman of the PPV – John Cena

Ryback was once again a mass liability. WWE have finally cottoned on to Ryback’s last attitude and distressing ego. Why must you make us say we told you so? But we did. Heyman should never have had Ryback ruin his reputation but WWE could not resist defiance through pride. Ryback needs a pink slip pronto. He has nothing to offer except injuring everyone he works with and still cannot get over. CM Punk however, was implausible and meek. This was not down to Ryback, overall, but it certainly didn’t help, either. As a friendly force, Punk was an aggressive, immoral and discouraging fan favourite that doesn’t require such technique. It was a flop entry none can truly be proud of. The crowd was very silent. Go for surgery.

WWE needed to present John Cena back on television in its shining light once more. That WWE had so little competition available for Rio can only highlight once more the need for fundamental stars. Antonio Cesaro and Damien Sandow await in transit. Rob Van Dam departed last month from a short term WWE contract. WWE were unhappy with such levels of low commitment. Regardless of this, WWE rewarded an inactive superstar with yet another meaningless title win. When cash cow Cena does eventually run out of merchandising sales, who will take over when there is no one else. 

One star every ten years is hardly “best for business” is it? What a way to ruin Alberto Del Rio, at the height of making his name once again, despite becoming boring without any real challenging potential. The Cena/Orton figureheads from six months ago have once again become the two top bankable stars in WWE land. Both had marriage break downs beforehand. Both sell merchandise. CM Punk’s knee is injured. No one else is available to be called on.

WWE’s levels of sheer desperation to make noisy Brie Bella a strong female favourite is not going to work and that’s solely down to the dire portrayal and inexperience from Bella. No amount of main event tweaking will help the shambolic Brie Bella as a star. Forget her and move on, it aint happening. WWE constantly put forward those who can’t achieve and this is why they run into problems. As well as the fact they don’t know how to book them anymore in accordance with ever changing audiences.

Los Matadores and their guilty pleasure El Torito has become an unexpected yet appealing attraction which can only elevate the two matadors’ in the WWE arena. This is one attraction we fully enjoy watching. However, in regards to Antonio Cesaro’s tandem with Swagger and Colter is another distress signal and needs to have implementation from above to come out of this and headline honourable tendencies. Attire will also be key and needs the red trunks and rugby socks back. The longer he stays with Colter and Co, the longer he will be ruined, overall.

The Bryan/Orton saga was due its end. Predictable it was that Bryan would not amount to worthy levels of interest. Perhaps WWE will keep it open for one last match, next month. Regardless, Bryan has already been replaced by handpicked Big Show. This is a program no one in the WWE Universe wishes to see. The lacklustre Big Show taking on the credible Randy Orton. What a shambles WWE is in. However, Bryan and Orton held their own and both have been set on a sturdy path, if WWE keep its tracks level with audience involvement. This doesn’t just mean chanting Yes or No.

Authority and pawn Orton firmly in control. 
The triple threat tag title was a good show having mixed detail. At their momentum, Rhodes and Goldust were needed by WWE to reinforce the tag setting. The storyline permitted such attention; however Cody Rhodes remains the weakest link, as the most lost and boring star of the division. The Uso’s and Shielders were superb in offering tag support and held their own. The three way was a good starter, but the tag division needs a multitude of challengers, as does very division, which WWE tends to focus on only one per year. If it can’t contribute to all at once, that is what hiring others is for, to oversee such creative ideas in order to work with than against. Perhaps WWE should look into an open thought process with certain vital people to assist the McMahon hierarchy. Of course, they can’t give every random so and so a high value stake. Research the market. Open the eyes. Look forward. Is it in front of you?

Dean Ambrose worked well with the disastrous Big E ‘no direction, change from IC to US title’ Langston. A liability ready to take Ryback’s place with no skill or transferable style Langston will be the next in the long line of big guys who fail dismally. If WWE wish to put such stars forward it should carefully fine tweak them for stardom rather than waking up one day and deciding on a whim due to size, ethnicity and height. Is that a gap in the market, or just a slot to be filled?

Once again Natalya proved star worth. Working a blonde, leggy bimbo clone once more, Natty was rewarded with another loss and no title contendership. WWE should be ashamed. She even made Fandango interesting. Khali was, as usual, a car wreck.  

WWE need to prioritise content, people, placement and superstars accordingly. Such mistakes are always costly and another year in and WWE has no new star to brag of. Bryan, like Punk before him, has had his summer solstice. The frivolous times are over and WWE has once again settled for comfortability with profit than investing into future. WWE will certainly be able to keep its doors open, but for how long before it becomes so exhausted with every option, feud and same old title swapping with favourites that have lost public support? Will they ever learn and can they? Or will it constantly be another re-run of pay per view every month with adjustments? It needs to severely understand how to capitalise in a market slowly slipping away from them, day by day, bit by bit. Driving an audience away is not “best for business” built on a loyalty rewards package. 

©  Max Waltham 28th October 2013

Monday, 21 October 2013

TNA Bound For Glory 2013

TNA Bound for Glory

Coming live from the Viejas Arena on pay per view in San Diego, California on Sunday 20th October would TNA bypass its financial difficulties, lacklustre booking and drive forward fan involvement. Would this level of encouragement to audiences further elevate TNA's future prospects if it gets tonight correct? Let's find out...

X Division Championship
Ultimate X
Jeff Hardy Vs Austin Aries Vs Chris Sabin w/ Velvet Sky Vs Samoa Joe Vs Manik (c)

Sky enters and almost trips over he own feet. In this Ultimate X match the objective is to unhook the title dangling from the middle of the ring, held by the ropes above in an X formation. How novel.

Former World Champion
Former flop Heavyweight champion Chris Sabin was worked over by Joe and flattened with a running crush of body in corner post.  Hardy and Aries are seen climbing the pole structure. Aries soon hurled out by Mank and Hardy. Manik worked over by Hardy and Sabin. Manik applies a Boston Crab on Sabin as Aries breaks the hold and flings Manik across. Aries scales cables again as Hardy stops once again. Aries stops everyone with outside dive and then climbs again. Manik pulls Aries down as Taz says of Manik “has back against the wall” in a sad play on words. The announce team really need to think when they word such details. Manik and Sabin took a tumble outside as Aries and Joe take it back in the ring. Aries holds bout together again with Joe and Hardy until Joe returns behind submission and swing around of Aries. Manik then climbs above a underneath Joe as the crowd laughs. Joe then splashes Manik. Sabin then runs in with a dropkick. Sabin waits for Hardy to backflip launch onto him from turnbuckle. Only Aries is workable here with a second support of Hardy. Huge gasp as Manik launches far atop the rope and meets Aries in the middle. Sabin used ladder to stop both as crowd so unappealed by lame duck Sabin. Sabin tells Velvet skank to stop his competitors as Hardy in ring by Sabin. Hardy moves her away as Sabin climbs ladder, stops Hardy, Manik from behind dealt with by Aries and Joe approaching as Chris Sabin snatches the title by climbing a ladder in an extremely abysmal ending.

Sabin is not any level of championship material. TNA realised he was awful as Heavyweight, so it rewarded him with the traditional jobber title Sabin has constantly been assigned to for past years.

Kazarian entered a borderline homophobic transcript regarding Brokeback Mountain proving exactly who the biggest embarrassment was. Then he finished adding all the audience were “turds.” Hardly a way of getting interest. Christopher Daniels then blabs on with uninterested without any “facts” and broke kayfaybe numerous times with “swerves” and made no interesting point or level of interest other than a moaning jobber desperate for attention. Hobo Eric Young then interrupted after their request for inclusion in the upcoming tag match was requested. TNA wonders why it is in financial and audience disaster. No appealing characters and inadequate script. After a predictable beating on Young, moronic hand gestured liability Abyss takes the pair out.  

Offensive Cruiserweight Kazarian and Bro Daniels
Fish tank Borash, who said we were all monitoring your feedback backstage to promote Social Media interviewed the god-awful Gunner and partner James Storm, tag champions. This the best TNA has to offer?

Tag Team Championship
Jesse and Robbie E w/ Phil Heath Vs James Storm and Gunner (c)

Mr. Olympia chaperones the Bromans. Robbie E and Jesse are placed together in a lame ass team name. Godderz needs better than this.

Storm and Gunner going the show. Can we feasibly believe that The Bromans will win against the defending tag champs in first Gauntlet pairing? Ridiculous booking mars any progress TNA can make in credibility.

Jesse maintained strong strength, kept match together and sold for the pitiful Gunner. Jesse kept the match together. Slight support came from Storm also in a hot tag moment.

A “Fire Bischoff” chant was also heard.

Robbie E almost eliminated Storm on a close DDT as Storm gashed his leg. Jesse told E to duck and got planted by Gunner instead. After close double team Jesse saved E with a spin over pinfall. This would have been better if the pin was rewarded. E hurled a title inside to knock down Storm and double team with Jesse who then allowed a pin for him and Robbie E. Not much of a Gauntlet match but hey, at least Jesse is workable as a champion. The pair joined with Mr.Olympia in celebration who poses shirtless. At least Jesse is champ out of all this. Though many cannot take the team as a credible championship pairing.

Jeremy Borerash presented the “Hall of Fame dinner” for the second entry, Kurt Angle.

“The Icon” Sting was introduced to pass the baton and induct Angle into the Hall of Fame, live, in the ring, at Bound for Glory and not at an actual ceremony. Sting gave Kurt a shiny badge for his endorsement.

Rolex watch for Kurt. That’s your gift for being honoured for all your achievements. Angle was not impressed. Angle “respectfully declines” this induction in order to “set a new standard for this industry.” Hmm. “Stinger, when I am worthy, I will join you in the Hall of Fame.” TNA used Angle’s induction for some cheap heat that generated no interest. All you get is some crap watch anyway.

Dixie gets a phone call. “I have a great idea.” Some ill devoid tool called Ethan Carter the third strolls along. “The world needs us, were the Carter’s.” Holy hell. Is he Dixie’s son? Another attempt at a Max Waltham rip off while channelling Fandango is an hilarious new low for dumbass Dixie. Formed on the model and altered by TNA in their uncharismatic way is plain stupidity. He is ten times below average genome at best. 

Knockouts title
Triple Threat
ODB (c) Vs Brooke Vs Gail Kim

ODB is apparently “still drunk from Thursday” according to Taz. ODB flings Tessmanker across the ring. Takes Kim out with strong dominance. Rotten bimbo Brooke grinds her booty on ODB after ODB Bronco Bust’s Brooke hilariously. Kim returns with ODB getting best of her.

Brooke sneaks up and hurls Kim out and takes top faceplant to ODB. Two fall. After a long while Brooke jumps up and bangs her crotch atop ODB’s back to knock her down. Brooke’s strongest offence was to walk around and circle the defending champion. The crowd are entirely bored. Brooke sits atop ODB in a disgusting pin. Kim grabs Tessmacher and locks her legs into hold by the ring corner from the outside as Brooke works her body back and forth like writhing along a bed. She then takes out Kim with ease. ODB and Tessmucker continue slow pace with champion gaining appeal with technical approach. Kim charges in a stops Brooke tapping. Brooke and Kim on top as camera shows image of Brooke’s open ass cheeks in fishnets. Brooke gets an elbow drop after all fall off.

ODB destroys pair of them as a suplex on Kim broken by Brooke. Brooke runs out the way and pulls ref in way as ODB hits, then Kim follows running dropkick. ODB double backdrops both until Tessmacher gets free. The Chaka Khan wannabe Lei’d Tapa (pronounced Lady Tapa) arrives though tonight looking like an alcoholic Beyonce. 

Would you tap 'er? 
Tapa took champ ODB down with a big boot up the ramp. Brooke, atop turnbuckle stupidly jumps on Tapa who caught and smashed her into the ring as the crowd cheered. Gail Kim covers from the powerbomb to scramble over for the title to win.

Tapa then grabs the title and sends message to Kim as her next challenger for winning her the title. No, Tapa raised Kim’s hand and proved to be in alliance with her instead. Kim is champ on a dirty win. Tapa has no stage presence whatsoever. 

The Bromans celebrate backstage as the announcer backstage terribly falls around from a mild spray of protein shakes on the floor.

Booby Roode then came to bore the audience more moaning about Kurt Angle’s declining Hall of fame induction.

Bobby Roode Vs Kurt Angle

(S*)IT Factor Bobby Roode enters the fray after all his whining. Into back hold into takedown and stalemate face off. Lock up again. Angle wrenches arms around and worked down in hold by Roode. Shoulder block takes down Angle. Yes, “IT” Factor Roode knocks Angle down on a shoulder barge. Roode follows up with a run the ropes shoulder barge of Angle next. The Roode match script is below.

*Shoulder Barge. Run ropes. Shoulder Barge. Stand still. Walk. Stare. Bark*

Work outside now as Angle turns around and slams Roode down onto the ground.  Angle rolls him in. Roode rolls outside after a counter. Rolls him in ring. Elbow hammers Angle from outside. Roode then does a move and gets a two fall on Angle. Are there pins in a submission match. Roode works a arm lock submission on Angle for a few minutes. Roode dropped on counter momentum run through from Angle. Kurt launches a suplex but fails to complete. Lands another pin to cover for two. Kurt runs into lazy Roode with a spinebuster. Roode on floor pushes Angle off with his feet then sidesteps a running Angle. Roode then applied a Daniel Bryan YES! Lock rip-off on Angle, down on the ground to no impact nor pressure applied.  Roode then climbs atop turnbuckle placing Amgle on it and simply then falls himself off in a dire botch. Just throw yourself off, huh? Kurt went for Moonsault as lazy Roode moved aside and then applied the YES! Lock once again. Angle reversed into a standing and uninteresting leg lock as usual. Roode simply stayed there on the floor in hold. Roode then rolled Angle through into a counter chinlock again. Reversed into a pin by both with no end. Roode re-applied a YES Lock. Taz yells “three!” as Angle had a pinfall unheard due to such pitiful over zealousness ruining the momentum. Roode traditional throws limp hand jabs. Angle gets hit from Roode with a low blow as Angle falls down. Roode takes a breather spot. Does a neckbreaker. Two fall. Angle rolls through another leg lock submission. Turn into a “Grapevine” leg lock. Roode almost reaches rope and just lies on the mat. Disgraceful sell. Roode feigned a passout as ref raised hand so he could reach the rope. Fans loudly chanted “Bullsh*t!” for such a terrible match procedure. Angle place Roode onto the turnbuckle in what is now another boring moment in the match. Angle lands suplex as both down on the ground.

Roode stands to his feet at 9 then falls down back onto Angle’s “knocked out” body as Bobby Roode gets the pinfall and three fall. A guy centre railings peers down into camera to hilarious asked “What!?” for the shoddy ending. TNA doing the Angle is not moving and ruined angle as Roode spits onto the canvas from his mouth, on ground. The stretcher soon arrives for Kurt. 

To his credit Angle worked the non-moving role perfectly.

Kurt then simply got off the stretcher, absolutely fine, ruining any progress previously made. What a stupid concoction.

Bully Ray is seen talking to a random figure in a doorway. Asking about rebirth and colours to his untrusting “brother. “Tonight is all about out creed” white man Ray states.

Ethan Carter III Vs Mystery Opponent

The mystery opponent was Norv Fernum.

Cocky Carter
Yes Ethan Carter’s first opponent is some random jobber. The Ryback era begins for TNA. The crowd were on the side of the jobber. Carter threw Norv around to no impact, interest and silence, with the occasional “bo-ring!” Carter then asked “Do you love it?” Fernum gained  two fall on Carter. Then came an easy DDT. Ethan Carter “the third” grabs a pointless first win. No one cares. 

Ethan is revealed as "The nephew of Dixie Carter" by the announce team, Mike Tenay. Thanks for clearing that up so late in the bout. 

Drab squib Magnus had an interview blabbering on about nothing interesting and a load of words that cant be re-counted. 

Sting Vs Magnus

Constant loser Magnus, who could never achieve a win on television or of any interest for being so bland was given a sympathy match by Sting.

Sting shoulder blocks Magnus who only walks back two steps and wiggles finger in no motion. Puts Sting into accommodating headlock. Sting shoves underachiever Magnus down. Obnoxious Magnus jabbed by Sting with a elbow knocking him to outside. Magnus walks around outside gazing into nowhere as Sting allows Magnus back in the ring then hurls Magnus all over the ring.

As Sting is back in the ring from walking around outside Magnus places leg lock over Sting’s waist. Magnus gives a few bland uppercuts. Sting flings into corner and flips him over. Pummels drab Magnus with clotheslines and momentum into the Scorpion leg lock. Magnus scurries free and gave smashed down in double clothesline.

Sting slaps Magnus who just stands there with no effect then Hulk’s up and screams “ahh” to a silent crowd. Gets minor two fall. Goes for submission and kicked off by Sting. Magnus splashed by Sting and collapses into mat. Sting locks Magnus in submission again. Lying still in ring Magnus eventually grabs the rope. Sting runs into an uppercut to give Magnus an advantage. Magnus jumps with a boring elbow drop. Two fall as Taz explains he “got a little cocky on that cover.” Moronic Magnus goes for another attempt at an unappealing move with crowd and misses. Magnus gives two elbows to Sting who then falls down. Hilarious. Magnus walks towards Sting and tips him into a submission. Locks on a loose holding leg lock only standing there and grimacing. Sting then taps out. Magnus then simply smiles and walks away. 

TNA World Heavyweight Championship 
No Disqualification, No Countout
Bully Ray (c) w/ Brooke Vs AJ Styles

AJ “has no contract” and “has to win” Taz says, in order to remain in this company. Bully Ray walks around and holds AJ by the wrist to work him around, mildly. Styles easily smashed by clothesline. Ray trash talks AJ instead saying he fears him to compensate for Ray’s lack of skill.

Garrett Bischoff arrives after Brooke screams as Bully Ray magically pulls out a plastic hammer. AJ kicks the arm freeing the hammer from an attack as AJ hold to smash and is caught by a slap from Ray to fall down. Ray starts limping now. Always good for a laugh. But whose laughing? Ray slowly walks around the ring and ear waves in Hogan motions. How sad. A champion that constitutes walking around and doing nothing to hide lazy work. 

AJ surges at Ray who just stands there and talks to Ray who then smacks him. AJ now back up and stares down again. Kicks legs and dropkicks feet of Ray. The bearded Knux arrives as AJ jumps from set turnbuckle, caught and chokeslammed by Knux. Two fall. Ray then clotheslines Knux by accident outside after an altercation with the referee Earl Hebner. “A crushing blow” Taz adds as Ray runs a toe kick into Styles gut to send outside. Head smash against announce table as Ray picks up the plastic hammer once more. Styles jumps up and smacks an enziguri on Ray. AJ holds the hammer firm. Styles smacks Ray’s head on table instead. Styles jump flips with force as Ray easily moves again and Styles plummets throughout the broken table.

Ray perplexingly opens the entire ring and reveals the board of the ring in a completely disgraceful expose to wrestling. Styles fell onto the hammer after. Ray calls for his boys to come out.

Dixie asks for a chair to pass to Ray. AJ jumps atop ropes and launches into Ray. Styles launches a 450 on Ray for a cover as Carter tells official not to count. Earl counts one as Ray kicks out. Countered Styles Clash by Ray over the planks on Styles. Ray bothches a standing foot stomp. Ray over extends his launch as back elbow barley touches AJ on drop. 

Bully smashes chair over Styles twice. Kick to the head from Styles in another game of turnaround  AJ smacks chair as Ray puts both his hands in front of face to botch the shot once again. Spiral Tap from AJ landed on Bully Ray as AJ Styles wins the World Heavyweight Championship.  

PPV Rating - 3/10

Men/Women of their matches – Austin Aries, Jesse, ODB, Kurt Angle, Norv Fernum, Sting, AJ Styles

Man/Woman of the PPV – AJ Styles

TNA aimed to recreate Pay Per View that would at least interest fans and return favour to Styles as centrefold of TNA. So awful was the PPV that it achieved such success. Fans were pleased for Styles to dethrone the tiresome Ray. Though they weren’t exactly jumping off their chairs for Styles, either. They just wanted out of the lingering disaster that is Bully Ray and his biker brutes. Ray, as usual, didn’t work the match and botched all over the place once more. It is embarrassing behind comprehension for wrestling as well as this company and his opponents.

Laughable (then) heavyweight Champion Sabin
Chris Sabin was given a transitional Heavyweight run. Realising such a hasting and clueless fan favourite cashing in his loyalty card was a mistake, TNA went one better. They decided to favour him the X Division title instead. Sabin, a TNA original, propping up the bar in random loserville matches and easy title wins meaning nothing is troublesome for all involved. This is the extreme mentality of the dysfunction on offer in TNA.

Austin Aries held the match together and was the only stand out factor, often misplaced by TNA bigwigs making him the fool to do all the work and not be rewarded with anything. The only hope for Aries is to eventually move back into the heavyweight ranks.

The tag team match was the PPV’s best bout and yet was not the best quality on offer. Only Jesse was able to keep the match in decent levels of compact togetherness. Storm added occasional support but both men were relegated to minor roles often, in favour of comedian spots. If TNA had brains, as mentioned before by us, this tag title run should be a stepping stone to prepare Jesse for future heavyweight contention.  It needs to get its act together, but it probably can’t figure how without the right people involved.

Magnus is the biggest waste of television and wrestling space available and should not be on television in any company. The performances are so bland, uneventful and pathetic it makes TNA a bigger laughing stock than usual. Sting did an average but lacking performance as well as a result.

Angle kept similar rank when working with dross fad Bobby Roode. Lazy and apathetic, Roode should not be booked so highly any longer when he ruins the competitor he battles with for being misplaced and ever so free flowing. Advice for watching a Roode match. Put the kettle on and watch a TV soap form 25 – 30 minutes. How many times was the YES Lock used in the last three minute period and it still couldn’t get over? Oh dear.  

Seating arrangement at Bound For Glory
Even Norv, the jobber guy couldn’t make Ethan slick haired block Carter work. Carter, as he is, is a truly useless block of muscle that cannot get over and will fail continually should TNA continue such ill throughout procedure.

Overall, one of TNA’s ‘Big four’ should have catered a much better production for its fans and lack of funds and low talent is no excuse. It could easily have been achieved. At this rate, with TNA’s constant mismanagement and lacklustre understanding of wrestling values will continue to ascertain empty crowds in seating and interactive aspects. Clueless Carter, who inherited a wrestling company from her father, has no understanding of wrestling business. Continuing at this rate, TNA will soon fold if nothing strong is undertaken to save this company and only carter can do so. Is she really that stubborn to save it that she will cause it to implode? This is the result. It needs to hire people who can support the show or wait for the inevitable fall. Hogan, Bischoff and even Jarrett won’t be able to save it for the new age, but can Dixie Carter honestly figure out what’s best for business or simply become entirely arrogant. Her new transformation into company upset has not been of any interest and exceptional laughable. With money to burn Carter should hire proper people. Unless it does, TNA won’t resurrect at all and continue to worsen with bad executive decisions. Where will that leave the wresters in the stockpile, too? The ball is firmly in your court, darlin’.

©  Max Waltham 21st October 2013