WWE decided in its own delusional world that trying to turn its 'Big 4' PPV's into a Wrestlemania style extravaganza, totalling six hours was barmy and testing for all viewers.
Live on Pay Per View, on August 20th, 2017 Summerslam was once again upon us, involving both the separated Raw and Smackdown brands. Would it be simply repeats or deliver different and interesting options in an already stale WWE coast along from the last six months?
Let's find out.
John Cena Vs Baron Corbin
|The comedy cartoon continues.|
Baron Corbin is in the doghouse. Big time. He has upset someone in WWE and the belief is that it is none other than John Cena and Nikki Bella. Corbin has and is being punished.
Corbin previously cashed in his Money in the Bank title opportunity on the previous Smackdown before Summerslam. Cena distracted him and Corb's lost.
He goes down in history as the third loser of the cash in alongside WWE erased Damien Sandow and John Cena.
John Cena easily plowed through Corbin in the opening squash job.
Corbin never delivered in the run up but was Vince McMahon's second prodigal son. The first of McMahon's prophecies was Drew McIntyre. Both fell flat and never became the main champion Vince dreamed of.
It was pointless and served only to abuse Corbin, with a Cena protection once more.
WWE Smackdown Women's Championship
Naomi (c) Vs Natalya
Naomi has been champion for some time but it is increasingly clear she needs to drop it and it is fast approaching Natalya, the only veteran of skill on Smackdown, whom hasn't been rewarded the top prize yet, a strong chancer here.
It was obvious to this reader that Natalya had strong innings this time, but would WWE be as cruel as it often is with Natalya, that it would let her win, only to have Carmella drop her after?
The action was rushed but strong and roved another tight battle from both females who have been WWE's main female stars that they never fully understood years back. WWE are behind on about 4-6 years.
Natalya submitted Naomi after a good match and won her first female title, the Smackdown Women's championship, to respectable acclaim.
Cass Vs Big Show
|SpongeBob crap Pants.|
Still trying to make Cass 'Big', WWE, for some obscure reason that made zero sense, had Enzo Amore suspended above the ring in Chris Jericho's Shark Cage.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Vince McMahon enjoys seeing Enzo Amore 'ragdolled' and I don't blame him. Enzo is useless but WWE were high on him at one point. If only they listened beforehand.
|Mmmm, Fit Show :)|
Now WWE are intent on bullying Amore in the next line of victims in WWE's hostile environment of hate. Later on in the PPV, WWE would attempt to play the victim on 'cyber bullying' speeches with its new sponsor of the evening, since most dropped out of WWE realising wrestling is in terrible decline for 2017 and beyond.
At least someone who needs to listens.
The match was another useless and clunky showing from Cass, who defeated the ever improved Big Show, looking even fitter than ever, which saw Enzo Amore stripped to his underwear. This was done to mock him, yet was just tacky and unappealing on all fronts that exposed WWE as bullies they proclaim against and useless at providing strong entertainment.
No one really cared.
Randy Orton Vs Rusev
|Ooof! Short but still sweet. :)|
Many favoured Rusev in this one for some weird reason. It's good Rusev gains some following for his powerful skills but against Randy Orton, he had no chance.
What was rather peculiar for many was Randy Orton dropping Rusev in roughly nine seconds with a rapid RKO to win the match. WWE dislike Rusev since he and Lana got engaged in previous years and it went to news sites that WWE had no control over. WWE want all the media, which is causing them and their marketing brand of WWE a serious problem, having the opposite effect of failing to sell.
WWE Raw Women's Championship
Alexa Bliss (c) Vs Sasha Banks
Steroid abusing Sasha, who still hasn't sat out for thirty days since abusing last year, has now been rewarded the Raw Women's trinket. She submitted Alexa Bliss and made her look like a pathetic afterthought, who was the only saving grace of Raw's female locker-room alongside misused Emma.
Well girls, do steroids, and you can be strong and powerful.
|Sasha Blanks and her beautiful abs.|
The action from Sasha Banks was another pitiful and meek performance that had boredom and empty tricks that failed to be connective wrestling. Many botches were still involved.
It was as blank as Sash. she won by submission.
Where have we seen this in a women's title match before?
|No... Me neither. :(|
Sasha also entered in a stupid golden headdress trying to emulate a peacock but looked more like a useless coackatoo. There was no need for it.
Bray Wyatt Vs Finn Balor
|Facepaint, draw on your leg and |
wear toilet tissue, you too
can be Finn Balor, kids!
The Demon King, Finn Balor, went from generic non-entity to some face painted loon prancing around in dreadlocks resembling toilet paper. Prancing around the ring, trying to match his supernatural rival, Bray Wyatt, Balor looked ever more useless and ridiculous.
Balor lacked high levels of charisma, was all about silly character, which was lacking, and couldn't withstand Wyatt's prowess, even if he is trying to be the WWE distorted version of Max Waltham, in part.
Wyatt can never be me. It cannot be replicated, but Finn (Demon-Spiderman-Venom rip-ff) Balor was a laughable joke on the main stage. Well, at least it provided entertainment. The marks will cheer for their Indy darling as the often do to feel it isn't a sham failure, but deep down, they do not wish to admit it is a pitiful attraction.
The crowd in attendance made it clear they were not fussed and could not care less about this facepaint carnival freak against the often 'made to always lose' as finger point bullying to said writer, as obvious disinterest from such hype.
After the Demon cruiserweight (Wow, we're quaking in our boots) did all his flying fancies, fag Balor randomly got the best of Bray Wyatt in a short, weak and tepid encounter of random chance so Finn Balor could pin and win. Bland, devoid of personality and simply catastrophic lunacy.
It was a nothing match that was booked randomly in the run up, and the main play on stage reiterated that. How embarrassing.
WWE Raw Tag Team Championship
Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins Vs Cesaro and Sheamus (c)
What made this match special was not the re-uniting of two people who have nothing to do on the main roster and try to relive out their past after singles-dom getting over failed them, but Cesaro working a four man extravaganza.
He managed to get himself over and his tag partner Sheamus, previously useless over the past year or two for WWE. Then there was Seth Rollins, injury prone and taking a back seat from heavyweight spotlights for Triple H's new batch of kindergarten rookies from the Indy Darling world of ignorance. Left at the end, was the spare part, come stereotypical lunatic, Dean Ambrose. With numerous WWE failings as champions and floater coasting along, Cesaro boosted every one of them AND the match was a successful epic. Granted it will be forgettable to many after the hype of Summerslam, but on reflection, was the only real match of note worth and skill that gripped audiences.
Both Ceasro and Sheamus gave good on nominating themselves for the Manspreader award, and managed to keep it classy in the action. Masterful.
Ambrose and Rollins re-enacted their The Shield days to save their plodding careers a little after WWE failed a two year experiment with Dean Ambrose failing to make him a dishonourable man. They did the double, high flying moves and Shield powerbomb stuff. It was alright, but nothing we haven't already seen before, which is always relied on together as pals or enemies that WWE has milked like Cena/Orton/HHH battles that kept WWE in a stale of failed movement forward to the next era.
The one time it's acceptable.
Anyways, it was decent from the two luvvies against the two brutes of strength. Eventually Cesaro and Sheamus dropped the titles to Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins in a smooth and emphatic handover thrilled with emotion, depth, charisma and action. This one was world class and showed how committed the four were to standing out on the over packed card of fancy filler.
WWE United States Championship
AJ Styles (c) Vs Kevin Owens
Special Referee - Shane McMahon
Another repeat battle of zero value with Action Man verses KFC Man. (KFC are once again sponsoring WWE's PPVS). How sad can ya get? Do you know how they really cook and treat your chickens? Read on...
To help this useless battle have another meaning of nothingness, Shane McMahon was implemented to give it some, err, something, as Special Referee. *Yawn*.
Obvious choices, ref involvements and bumps and dodgy action was not at all entertaining. Ironically it was saddled in the toilet break match slot. Go figure.
The two under-performing ignorants from random Indy playgrounds in WWE, over its so called prestigious US title, which has been devalued to the point of laughability once again, was sad.
|Mmmm, brain. Now that's what I call RAW!|
Thirty seconds after the bell rang, good ol', predictable Kev, the star of the ages, cowered out to ringside to walk around. Huffing, out of breath, rolling around, screaming and standing still before rolling around on the floor was all the rage for Kev's repetitively pitiful repertoire.
Trying to maintain an Indy scene presence in WWE, still not knowing how to work, and handed all the titles to him by WWE on a plate, Kev continued to waste everyone's time as a bumbling douche who once more used his flabby bones to hurl himself at his opponent. That is all he can do. The ratings decreased rapidly thanks to Big Kev, among other instances, but was a huge dropping point. He's Triple H's friend and Vince wants to use him to mock those who know it is futile. Classic entertainment. Only the Indy marks are left in WWE's audience ad even they are getting bored.
Then there's the other TNA/Indy cast off, AJ 'no ' Styles. The acrobatic flaunter with zero charisma and bad promo's with cheesy catchphrases is as lame as it comes. The action was the same rope jump filler.
Eventually AJ Styles retained. He had no competition. No-one truly cares except Triple H's obsessively personal ego of failed succession on screen management.
Jinder Mahal (c) Vs The Singh Brothers Vs Shinsuke Nakamura
Up next is WWE's still useless jobber, full of steroid injected body mass, being rewarded at the height of programming for WWE's international marketing strategy of India, a country famed for rapists, murderous actions, slummish shanty towns, slave labour (including children) and forced marriages that taint the country's lineage, with a Japanese freak of zero translatability.
Nakamura needed a violinist to get him over and even then it was all about the skill of the musician, not the dumb ragamuffin in sheen red leather.
Fu*kamoron entered the ring and instantly flopped out his tongue and grinded his crotch on a PG, family orientated show, as his normal routine, looking like a perverted sex freak.
So there we have it, a random jobber called up from nowhere as a perverted sexual deviant (which is not far from the truth in WWE's sex scandal world) against a jobber used for international marketing.
The real loser in this programme? The WWE title, which since the last two years from Dean Ambrose and AJ Styles has been wiped of any of its true worth and is just some random thing that no one really wants or needs any more.
Both lacked style, skill, technical depth or any charisma and still insanely green, despite mark luvvies defiant in their delusion.
The action was boring and everyone at home and in the arena felt it.
Jinder Mahal retained against some random he needed inserted to carry him to the next PPV. The Singh Brothers naturally got involved, and Jinder's move sets were still meekly lacking. Shinsu*ker Fu*kamoron was just there. Thrilling. WWE will be the root cause of their own downfall, every time. This future looks very bleak indeed. Well done Triple H.
WWE Universal Championsip
Brock Lesnar (c) w/ Paul Heyman Vs Roman Reigns Vs Braun Strowman Vs Samoa Joe
The main event was bearable for its shortness, filled with quick spots and mayhem antics of everyone throw through objects. It is a cheap and tacky mechanism WWE hope to pick up the evening, and not amazing, but with the rest of the poor showing, was a little pick me up from the boredom beforehand. It could have been much better, though.
Braun Stowman acted as a tweener (a go-between, or floater/fluffer, if you prefer), who is likely to become an honourable dude after Roman Reigns proves WWE's biggest failed project of John Cena Mark II. WWE are also now moving John Cena to Raw without a trade like Jason Jordan (abuse your own rules, eh?) and gear a Wrestlemania match with Cena/Reigns. That should be a fun one. WWE are deluded. Both will be viciously booed out of the arena together.
Samoa Joe was just there to fill the numbers. A lottery winner of Triple H's ignorance mark fandom club with the plodding poodle ticket. He had nothing to offer and was instantly forgettable.
Braun Strowman was allowed much offence to build up the new contender to Brock Lesnar by dumping him, rather plainly, through multiple ringside tables to render the beast down.
Lesnar did a stretcher job, carted off to the backstage through the arena, after also suffering a fall away collapse partition of the barricade corner, as is every WWE hardcore-ish, booking nowadays.
The other three saps duked it out until, predictable Lesnar returned. He paraded down the titantron, which surely would have made more sense to enter from the arena he left at?
Anyway, he came back and destroyed everyone, with quick thrills and spills, suplexes and others getting some near fall breakups, with a pull of referee outside from ring count.
Eventually Brock Lesnar destroyed all adversaries to retain the WWE Universal Championship. In other words, there really was no-one else credible to lift the title, despite WWE worried his absence as a part timer, with championship, leaves the Raw brand losing viewers.
Raw loses viewers because WWE book crap and repeat boredom.
Many had thought Brock struck third time lucky in annoying WWE with a contract renegotiation salary demand, which has also unnerved the locker-room backstage.
For WWE, losing Lesnar would be a big loss, with no adequate replacements, who are also full timers that can't and haven't materialised. WWE at its very booking best.
PPV Rating - 3/10
Men/Women of their matches - Baron Corbin, Natalya, Randy Orton, Big Show, Alexa Bliss, Bray Wyatt, Cesaro, Shane McMahon, Neither were good enough, Brock Lesnar
Man/Woman of the PPV - Cesaro
An improvement in recent months, but a six hour PPV with almost everyone on it won't pull the wool over the eyes of the fact WWE are insanely bad at booking, writing, angle creation and having actual talent in the right spots in the right situation.
Better than 1/10's every month this year, but only thanks to Natalya/Naomi, Cesaro and Brock Lesnar. The rest cost it dearly.
WWE needed to have a monumental shift in its programming to freshen things up. It waited way too long once again and when it has, it is still seen as derogatory and just a last chance desperation act, which fails to encourage fans and critics back to the fold of an already evaporating wrestling and WWE scene. Almost all title switch ups were confirmation of this. Some deserved it, others didn't.
Randy Orton and Rusev was a wasted opportunity that could have set both with a powerful feud and future as key players destined for WWE's success, despite it hating its own.
|Cor-binned. The run is officially over.|
John Cena once more ploughed through a new up and comer, all-be-it as WWE's hitman, as the once chosen one alongside Drew McIntyre, Baron Corbin was officially squashed for good. He never made it generally and Vince failed to listen, adamantly pushing him all the way. Look at it now. Corbin never took off in WWE and is never likely to either. He isn't the only one, but WWE don't have the balls to hire the right people and the right placements for talent. Corbin did the job of laying down.
Natalya/Naomi was short and rushed, but made magic with what they had and finally rewarded veteran female Natalya what she should have earnt years ago. Thankfully for her, WWE did not job her out to Carmella afterwards.
Enzo Amore was only there to be laughed at and mocked in WWE's constant bullying environment. Cass and Big Show were the filler. On the following Raw, Cass has also suffered an injury.
Jinder Mahal's evaporation of the WWE title, despite his bulked up needles of juicy steroids prove WWE allow for its own abuses and return to is tainted environment of dirty practices and peculiar hatred.
Sasha Banks, dressed in ludicrous headdress for attention, were her only selling point as a being. She too has still not served suspension for her steroid abuses last year. Only in WWE can disgrace be rewarded. To think they target this to kids? Yet they preach about morals? I am not a catchphrase, I am reality. Alexa Bliss looked stupid by empty loss to random challenger.
AJ Styles and Kevin Owens continue to stink out the place, with a nasty whiff of Kev's close up cellulite on those dirty armpits. Something America can be proud of.
Some silly cruiserweight prancing around on the ground, on all fours, in facepaint and toilet tissue was not exactly a disturbing threat to an already distinguishably eerie force that has audiences always guessing and entertainment, solely on the Max Waltham presence, distorted and used by WWE. Wyatt, whilst still laughable by WWE booking is a watered down abuse mechanism hat only WWE seem to think is sending a message. It makes them look insanely retarded with gross inexperience of reality.
If it wasn't for Cesaro's magnificent arse saving the day once again, as on every PPV, it would have been completely forgettable. It wasn't just Cesaro's delicious bubble butt that stole the show. His ability is matched with his boundless charisma, technical and heavy power and sellable style for others that makes him the kingpin of PPV once more. Only WWE and Vince McMahon's unknown hate of him seem to misunderstand the future WWE could have. Fans already left on the Cesaro bullying.
|Same old routine, yet again.|
Though what returned was another poor throw together of two thirds of The Shield with lukewarm Dean Ambrose and sleepwalking zombie Seth Rollins. I know! Let's put these two deadbeats back together to milk their past. Great. Four years on the roster since The Shield and not one of them (including Roman Reigns) has made it. Seth, briefly, thanks to us, but WWE stalling has put him back to nothingness.
Sheamus actually proved something good tonight for the first time in ages and WWE solely has Cesaro once more to thank for that. That three strong people on the main roster Cesaro has elevated and kept himself relevant at the very top. When will WWE figure it out? They have too much hatred for talent that can get over on its own, don't they? Yet they rely on those who succeed for them. Lose the ego and make the call.
Brock Lesnar was the only option to headline. WWE's chosen flounder in Roman Reigns and its side attraction in Braun 'Brown' Strowman was not any level appealing. Despite Romey's efforts, his future is sealed due to WWE's past two years of dreadful booking like John Cena/Vince McMahon refusal to can his own character thoughts of what makes it, actions. Vince is said to be desperate to get his 6 foot something, however many pounds, 1980's wrestling stylee's over at any cost. these are the results. Failure to listen is costly for future.
The main itself was rushed, sloppy and full of tricks to cover the fact none of these four main stars can actually wrestle. How embarrassing. Not one superstar in the main event can wrestle or be respected fully other than to beat someone they dislike up because WWE have failed the audience over the whole year. Ouch.
WWE are said to be also planning another 'Superstar Shakeup' brand switch, forgetting moving John Cena and Jason Jordan freely, and hosting it just four months after the first failed one. WWE can't even apply its own rules to be upheld.
|Condoning Triple H's ignorant hires |
has not worked out overall as best
business management strategy.
Future is bleak
Six hour tiresome show, with zero depth and all thrown together at last minute matches so everyone can feel happy being utilised was as lame as it comes. A Wrestlemania wannabe which did more harm than good.
Repeat actions, same old phoning it in, routine angles, predictable outcomes and barely entertaining wastes of huge money in ticket sales or online Network views was not the best WWE had to offer. For WWE it is all about marketing, and media whoring themselves out for, which is once more killing the product. Triple H/Stephanie McMahon and Vince believe this is a great decision to get attention, mostly Trips and Steph, with Vince giving the nod if it works out to see how it goes. Vince is crippling his legacy for the airhead era, a magical lightbulb in the head moment that lasts as long as a brain fart. The eureka moments of those who don't have the full business acumen for attention seeking drives people away instead of attracting. It is not about the entertainment or action and the fans and critics know it. WWE seem to be the only ones who don't.
|The airhead era. Born of HHH's absurd |
ego to be and not have this writer.
Going oh, so well, isn't it?
We all need a trophy.
They haven't a clue and are too egotistically stubborn to try and be me without being able to be me. Only I can make it work, but Triple H's ego of ignorant hires is obsessed with trying to outdo, just like when he hated Edge being a better World champion on screen than him and H wanted to have him discredited by other stars. Ain't he swell? Lose. The. Ego. Triple H fails to see he has become a massive art of the problem and his one off tournament and NXT playground pop up shops are highly embarrassing for WWE overall. Triple H has become the WWE's new age Dixie Carter. That's not a good achievement to have.
Overall Summerslam, once again, sucked.
Only four to six people made it good (if you count seeing Orton and Rusev for two minutes). Summerslam has officially fizzled out. The Pre-Show was forgettable, all of WWE performers were forgettable and the show will go down in history as yesterday's fish and chip wrapper. There are no memorable moments or any match of real power (bar Cesaro) that will be remembered, even if WWE try to flaunt flashbacks on screen.
When will WWE stop living in the past and move to the future? It doesn't have long left, yet I, among many other fans and critics will be here for a very long time.
We will give the only true review and won't be deluded by the hazy mask of WWE or any performers cheap and tacky attempts to fool with random lunacy unworthy of our precious time.
WWE need to step out of their comfort zone, think of real plans and lose the crap staff in the backroom ruining all its potential for the declining future's ahead.
Can WWE shelve their hateful attitude in the airhead era?
It remains to be seen.
Until then, WWE will forever have nothing to offer, no matter how glitzy they try to polish that turd.
© Max Waltham 24th August 2017
All Rights Reserved