WWE Fast Lane 2016
Vroom Vroom, it's another lap of racing cars in WWE. WWE's second year of gimmick themed Pay Per View, Fastlane, which no-one really knows what it stands for, came live on Sunday 21st February from the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio. Was this WWE's desperate attempt to select a region that might be less aggressive and more 'open' to 'new' talent emerging? the same 'new' talent that has become old, stale and useless for a good number of years?
Let's find out...
Tag Team
Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks Vs Naomi and Tamina
Dropped from team B.A.D for going it alone, vanilla diva Sasha Banks, who has no role on the main roster and treading water for months, has failed to materialise. After last month's viewing for Charlotte's Diva title prize and attacking Becky Lynch in a fake dishonourable turn to become likeable again, the pair are now best buds in a random tag match. The pair are being lined up for a triple threat with Charlotte as an NXT nostalgia exercise. It was a sideshow to protect Charlotte going to Wrestlemania as another uneventful champion, who has failed to wrestle as champion since.
Tamina started out with decent mic chatter as the action got underway. Becky once again did all the work for her team as Tamina worked very well with her taking bumps too. It all seemed a little rushed, however, which signifies they will have low time to work this match. WWE are not committed when its favourites aren't included. Naomi contributed well also as eventually Becky Lynch was on the outside being counted down. She got back in at an 8 count. Naomi and Tamina continued the dominance on Becky. Sasha continued to wear out the apron. She continued to look poor, empty and an afterthought. There was literally nothing to her. she held her hand out for a tag and took the role as waiting for the hot tag plus one.
Sasha not doing anything and looks weakly exposed as plus one tonight. Interest is lost on her now. She's bland as Charlotte.
Becky finally got the hot tag as predicted as Sasha weakly and hurriedly flings Naomi around. It lacked sass that Sasha was once beloved for. Naomi, however, was made to look incredibly weak yet is a strong contender.
Tamina pulled Banks out as Naomi was almost placed into submission. Naomi uses such distraction to get a close fall after a Rear View butt thump on Banks. Banks simply moved out of the way as Naomi lands into a post. Tamina whacks a smashing superkick as Becky breaks up the pin.
Team B.A.D regain control but Banks randomly avoids a move as Becky flied back in. Sasha Banks then gets Tamina on a cheap interaction distraction as Naomi charges to protect her gal pal. Becky Lynch places her submission on Naomi as Tamina is forced to tap out to Sasha Banks in a weakly anticipated and poor Wrestlemania builder. WWE continue to disrespect its female workers that can really provide given the chance.
Intercontinental Championship
Kevin Owens (c) Vs Dolph Ziggler
After a cheap, random victory on Raw, (beating Tyler Breeze after hiding outside the ring in a five man match) ignorance of the highest order and random nobody on the roster Kevin Owens was given another freebie from Triple H, namely the Intercontinental Championship, at the expense of jobber champ Dean Ambrose. Given everything, failing to ever work in the ring and waiting and expecting for everyone else to do all the work, tonight was filler opponent Dolph Ziggler. Talk about slim pickings. WWE fail to learn Owens is useless, provides no future and needs to be sacked and demoted imminently. WWE continue its own problems for fun poking. Many reasons are apparent, but Owens was one of them that lost a huge chunk of ratings. WWE continue to favour some bowling ball with legs. Some future. The guy even had the cheek to request a match with The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. What a disgrace. Not even in WWE for a year and already think he is good enough to taint The Undertaker? WWE are a laughing stock at this point.
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| Photo Credit goes to the whiney b*tches at Titan Towers, yet wasn't from their site. You're Welcome! |
Owens continued to use rest holds and breather spots to carry him through after Ziggler did all the work. Owens' holds continued to have huge gaping issues with no believable pressure and were dirty and unclean elbows resembling jaundice. It was not appealing. Owens then ran into a post and tumbled to the outside to bide more time.
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| The future of WWE. |
Six Man Tag Match
Ryback, Big Show and Kane Vs Erick Rowan, Luke Harper and Braun Strowman w/ Bray Wyatt
Yet another job squad booking for the Wyatt Family was scheduled, against, wait for it, three jobbers. WWE don't like people being called jobbers, but encourage it on screen. You can't have it both ways. You book this dross.
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| Still not sexy. You aint CM Punk, neither. |
How Ryback is still employed is a miracle. His partner's in shamed talker Big Show and company workhorse Kane was poor, sloppy and all over the place. This is meant to be quality entertainment that fans pay so much for in tickets that reflects the action on the card. What a waste of cash, even on cable/satellite.
Braun Strowman was being earmarked for a showdown with The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. That would be just as bad as Undertaker / Mark Henry's casket match. That was terrible. Vince McMahon has been said to be 100% behind Strowman's booking to make him look credible with plans for a heavyweight scene run. Three words. The Great Khali. As for Undertaker, he will now face "someone who isn't on the WWE roster" at 'Mania. Wow. Another slap in the face to fans, WWE and 'Taker. What is the point of that? Pathetic. Undertaker deserves better.
One thought the leotard was bad, but Ryback now looks even more disgusting without it. How this useless block is still employed is a miracle.
Ryback has now resorted to even sadder times by using CM Punk's infamous running knee manoeuvre. How WWE, or Ryback could possibly think fans would cheer for stealing Punk's move as a disgruntled attitude problem is somewhat confusing.
Liability Ryback struck again with a heavily mismanaged shell shock on Harper which drooped him awkwardly in pain at him arm and shoulder region.
To top it all, the nonsense team of randoms put together at the last minute, Big Show, Kane and Ryback easily defeated Luke Harper, Erick Rowan and Braun Strowman in one of the weakest portrayals of tag match work for a while. Embarrassing. The Wyatt's lose. WWE have no clue what to do and the WWE Universe is finally at the end of its tether with the lack of direction for the Wyatt's that they have and will abandon them altogether. Way to go WWE, you royally mess that one up, didn't you? Some have already left. It's done.
Divas Championship
Charlotte (c) w/ Ric Flair Vs Brie Bella
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| When all else fails, use your 'assets' dear. |
Charlotte, who is being carried to Wrestlemania as champion, which has been a stretch at skill, somewhat, still fails to shake off the shadow of her ignorant daddy Ric Flair. WWE and Charlotte have now decided to diss the fans and the sport and just continue making her 'Ric Flair's daughter' believing this will be what fans have to accept. They won't. They have already turned on Charlotte and WWE's lack of direction or unwillingness to change that has forced fans to bail. Are the ratings down? Vince is trying to claim he doesn't care, well he does and should. he's trying to save face in his mass failure to believe he is invincible. Nothing is eternal.
Her opponent in this filler match was jobber Brie Bella, who is now a random lovely again, with no explanation. WWE need to plug Total Divas with John Cena's lovely partner Nikki Bella, who happens to be Brie's sister. Ahh, WWE, the stench of nepotism everywhere.
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| Shambles. One of the worst diva matches on record, to which there have been many. |
The pair had an outright shambles with a botchfest galore. It was utterly shambolic and purely shameful. Both were just horrendous. Not one move connected, flow was dismal and transitions were clumsy. It really did put an even bigger shame onto the show called Diva's revolution. Charlotte still cannot wrestle one match. Brie, trying to become popular on her husband's fame in his gear, still messes up in the ring as standard. As for Flair, an old, ignorant hanger on hogging a limelight so dim from the past was breathtakingly irrelevant. What a shambles.
Furthermore, the pair used blood in their match and made it to be a part of the match with Flair hollering as cheerleader, too. So much for WWE's no blood policy rule breaking. Hepatitis C is soooo sexy.
Brie Bella feigned an injury angle and taps out to the ever poorly connected Figure Eight from Charlotte.
After the match the referee donned a rubber glove to cheek in between the divas mouths. I doubt there shall be a wisdom tooth found in there.
AJ Styles Vs Chris Jericho
After gushing over his new Indie darling, Triple H, who thinks he has staged a coup in gaining some random TNA Action Man on the roster from New Japan took to PPV. Since his lacklustre debut last month at Royal Rumble, AJ 'Action Man' Styles continued to have no flair, no passion and an empty vessel clogging up WWE's payroll. All for what? Triple H thinking he has got something invaluable? Lol. This guy really has no clue how to run WWE in the future and shockingly makes Dixie Carter look good.
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| Action Man! |
Taking on ignorance filler and only there for another paycheck, Chris Jericho, who is also way past his prime, AJ no Styles entered another boredom laced checklist run through of match box ticking.
AJ Styles came out to no reaction what so ever by the crowd, as well as himself. Bland, boring and empty, AJ 'no' Styles is as pale as they come. WWE had thought it would be epic. Triple h has succeeded again. Not one month in and another of his grand concepts has failed immensely. Will he ever learn and listen? The man is a fool. Now he has yet another WW failure on his hands at running WWE. What a laughing stock this is. You were creatively advised. Triple h chose to snub once again. Look at him go. Such a pro. Triple h is a mark and is ruining his own business plan. What a tool. Lose the ego and get with the program. AJ Styles had failed in a sterling 0-60. Ignorance is not a virtue.
AJ and Chris were given a lot more time than most, which exposed them more than protected. WWE wanted to ram their ego down fans throats to accept it. AJ Styles is doomed. Jericho kicked out of a Styles Clash, which unlike in the UK a couple of years ago, Styles did not almost cripple and manslaughter an opponent in the ring with the then poorly utilised manoeuvre from the so called grand master of the Clash.
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| Action Man strikes again! |
Both are ignorant out of touch randoms who add no value or skill and that was apparent tonight. The pair, especially AJ, cannot 'go' in WWE. Proof that any random hire is not best for business as some people just can't be WWE material. Jericho continues to be old, dated, out of shape and lacks relevance in 2016. He keeps coming back for a paycheck. Everytime he comes back, he ruins a prospect from growing and more importantly, WWE, as a company. The fans suffer. WWE don't care.
AJ Styles beat Chris Jericho in predictable fashion. Tepid was an accurate evaluation.
Edge and Christian plug their new Network show with a New Day skit which was terribly borderline with racism that fans were so outraged with in attendance and at home. WWE thought it was funny. It was pure disgusting. It is also Black History Month, something WWE pounced on years ago to avoid a PR storm that it has a problem with black wrestlers (which it does).
In other news, two weeks prior to Fastlane, Titus O'Neil was shockingly suspended and fined $5,000 for grabbing Vince McMahon's arm in a joking manner at the end of Raw on the titantron. McMahon said it was to teach the locker-room a lesson. That's the weird world of McMahon. McMahon playfully body bashed Titus on the handshake pull as a measure of knowing.
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| PIC. |
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| GIF. |
Every tag team in WWE were thrown out there to build some random super tag match at Wrestlemania. Like a Raw build up on PPV. Blimey. How creative.
Impromptu
Curtis Axel w/ Heath Slater, Bo Dallas and Adam Rose Vs R-Truth
WWE had time to slip in a filler match. WWE didn't value either but considering the card, the pair could have had a better match than the others that were on the show and a reason to be there. WWE simply couldn't care less and needed to fill time. The match was not advertised whatsoever and clearly breaks broadcasting code.
Curtis Axel once again proved he is highly capable in singles action and worked so well. R-Truth held his own decently, but it was all very rushed thanks to lack of time management by WWE bookers.
Triple Threat
Number One Contendership to WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Dean Ambrose Vs Roman Reigns Vs Brock Lesnar
The winner will secure a title opportunity against absent champion who has no defended it at all since Royal Rumble, Triple H, a company boss. Fans have often argued anyone who does not defend major titles every month be stripped and the legitimacy has been once again wiped clean. Triple H is having two months off till 'Mania, where it is already written in stone he will lose the title to Roman Reigns. WWE are desperately looking for a Special Referee theme and were turned down by Batista. WWE mistreated him to the hilt. Good for him. They've also asked Shawn Michaels, Triple H's retired friend. Are we flogging that horse to water?
Chump champ Dean Ambrose will take on his pal and Chump champ Roman Reigns. Reigns, who has been a two time champion with no skill, long time run and transitional connection is the predictable outcome as everyone knows. Ignorant has been farmer who decided to show up tonight, Brock Lesnar, is also vying for attentions to Triple H's Wrestlemania extravaganza.
Everyone believes the know the winner before it has begun. Could it really change? A year and a half in the making, Roman Reigns' path to World title dominance as a muscly big guy Vince oh so favours, has had a difficult time out of the starting blocks. With dodgy writing, childish jokes, use of his children and a transitional champion twice over before he has begun, it is not looking promising under WWE's misdirection. All they had to do was keep the title on his and build him strongly, but WWE failed it and now Reigns is an abysmal failure.
So could he really lose this one? Putting the cat amongst the pigeons with his 'brother' and Wrestling buddy Dean Ambrose against some ignorant beast in Brock Lesnar, the pair relied once more on their The Shield trio days, using the triple now double powerbomb through the outside table on Lesnar, silencing him from contention after his boring German Suplex gimmick.
Did Dean Ambrose really stand a chance as a hurriedly dropped Intercontinental champion that should never have been given to him in the first place as a mechanism to get over as a main potential star? No. Ambrose put in another decent show tonight and better than the other two, but jobber instead of main potential star WWE have continued to mould him into. Ambrose is now so irrelevant there is no belief he'll ever achieve just like Reigns. The fans are really not keen on Reigns at all. WWE are continuing the push in its traditional 'up yours' mentality to fans pushing what they want as their idea. Even if it is a bad one.
Roman Reigns beat Brock Lesnar and Dean Ambrose to become the number one contender. There was nothing really to speak about as it was again, the same old routine worse than a regular Raw or Smackdown encounter.
Pre-Show
United States Championship
Two Out of Three Falls
Kalisto (c) Vs Alberto Del Rio
Vanilla midget with no skill of high ignorance Craplisto took on equally high order of ignorance Alberto Del Rio in a poor attempt at securing Mexican/Hispanic audiences for the ever dwindling WWE ratings. WWE, who continually overdo a program beyond creativity and zap all the buzz from it, with two stars the audience really hates to see on screen, failed once again. The pair were thankfully dropped to the pre-show, where once again, neither of them mattered and both are poor in-ring workers that fail to entertain. How either of them graced the prestigious United States title for random attempts to gauge fans was purely shameful of WWE. Kalisto retained.
PPV Rating - 1/10
Men / Women of their matches - Becky Lynch, Dolph Ziggler, Luke Harper, (No diva was good enough), (No one was good enough), Curtis Axel, Dean Ambrose
Man / Woman of the PPV - Roman Reigns
Fastlane had so much promise and once again was another throwaway PPV from WWE. Out of touch, stale, mild, old and boring, WWE has clearly lost its edge at structuring its content.
It's ignorant attitude of insider behaviour, booking and lack of solutions to genuine problems is affecting its hierarchal foundations.
WWE are stubbornly clueless and open to using lacking, poor stars, underdeveloped and useless as Triple H's favourites.
The result is clear. The product has suffered and it seems ever likely the predictable outcomes will dampen fans for WWE's so called future.
Triple H cannot put his ego aside in his desperation to please McMahon and the misses. Lacking understanding of product for his own ideas, which lack any gumption, and his negative attitude to support or connect with what has proven to assist the product loyally has put WWE in tough times. Fans are slowly waking up to the realisation wrestling, alongside WWE is stalling and is failing to vamp up to fifth gear.
WWE does not look promising for 2016. For investors, they should ditch stock and allegiance after Wrestlemania (or now). It really won't improve. Fans will hope it will but after its grand season, people know what they hate to admit. WWE's current standards and abusive directions of those who support and assist are ripping WWE to shreds. They are their own worst enemy. The love-in is over and fans sadly know it. there are better things to spend time on and WWE offers nothing new, interesting or creative. Fans are seeking alternatives outside of wrestling instead. Vince McMahon needs a creative fixer pronto. Yet he still has a disgruntled outlook on his personal lunacy than what can help. Triple H is no better and a vile, ignorant abuser who plans to avoid the solution for his own bragging rights ego. Every choice since, under Triple H's management has categorically flopped. Sin Cara, Kharma, Tag division, Divas Revolution. Ignorance hires. NXT as an Indy Promotion filled with favouritism. Need we go on?
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| Trophy champs. |
The trophy husband is desperate to prove the honourary McMahon can be engraved in WWE's inner circle for eternity.
All lack credibility in the failure to truly provide what is 'best for business'. Running NXT like a juvenile school day out, indie promotion and a main roster with no skills or talent, despite injured stars on the bench being no excuse, just phoning it in and failing to please fans, WWE won't materialise.
It needs to ditch its ego pronto and work with what will make it great again. The McMahon's, however, have an ego problem. They want bragging rights. That's what affects everything in WWE's interior walls, alongside their failure to listen and take constructive criticism.
Their failure at stubborn behaviour with a negative nature lacking any creative direction with those who have proven can support WWE to the fullest.
If they simply put their pride aside, WWE would soar again. Until then, WWE, who think they are invincible, are starting to feel the heat.
So much for the 'cleaned up' WWE it loves to try and bill itself as. It is still as much abusive currently today as it was in the 80's and 90's. Unless the change for the better, it's not promising at all.
Wrestlemania is going to suck, badly.
Ric Flair continues to babysit his daughter and steal the limelight too. The washed up old hag adds nothing to Charlotte and WWE still have decided her 'creative' angle is to be Ric Flair's daughter. She fails to wrestle well on the main stage, is way too green and once again, has no character. A flunkie wearing a title because she is a strong member of the lucky sperm club. WWE have also erased and covered up last month's sexual assault by dirty old man Ric Flair on Becky Lynch. Interesting. Triple H, who idolised Ric Flair, and likes Charlotte as another of his fandom call ups from his Indy playground running of NXT, swung it for him and Charlotte to be champions until Wrestlemania at least. This is someone who is trying to prove he can run WWE to his wife and father in law. Fans are not stupid. They've left.
The Wyatt's jobbing and Ryback's new look made WWE a laughing stock. Creative have nothing for themselves, at this point. Even trying to rip off CM Punk as a sticking point made Ryback look worse than ever, not to mention his failure to wrestle and continue to be a mass liability in the ring with opponents once more, almost injuring another star in Luke Harper.
The Wyatt's jobbing and Ryback's new look made WWE a laughing stock. Creative have nothing for themselves, at this point. Even trying to rip off CM Punk as a sticking point made Ryback look worse than ever, not to mention his failure to wrestle and continue to be a mass liability in the ring with opponents once more, almost injuring another star in Luke Harper.
Team B.A.D were predictably going to lose. This is how 'creative' WWE are. Plans already launched beforehand to have a three way with Becky, Sasha and Charlotte at 'Mania provided the obvious outcome. There was no explanation why Becky and Sasha were friendly after butting heads in this build up. Moreso, it would have been better to lead them into 'Mania as losers to Team B.A.D and go up against Charlotte as underdogs with more to prove. Once again WWE don't think and are useless at creativity today. They miss so many goals for 'looking good' with their ego. Sasha is utterly boring and Becky is the only real star of the three, but again, WWE don't value her. What a complete mess of this 'Divas Revolution' The Authority tried to claim for themselves. Only Max Waltham knows how to make women excel in the ring. WWE just haven't a clue at this point. Stubborn is not the word. Now, they look like fools.
Dolph Ziggler came to the ring braided up like a blonde Rastafarian. Is this an inside joke or something? What is going on? The match however, with Ziggler doing everything for easy going Kevin Owens was another huge disrespect to the business, title and fans. Owens is a disgraced high ignorance 'thing' that contributes nothing, botches everything and embarrasses WWE at the highest level. WWE just don't care. They continue to reward him with the 'Triple H favouritism prize as a friend' once again, which continues to question Triple H's interpersonal relationships with WWE personnel.
Rasta Ziggles. Yah Mahn!
AJ Styles and Y2J shouldn't have bothered. It was pointless, tepid, dry and boring. It was supposed to be everything but. Yeah a few fans are still trying to pop their wrestling boners. It won't be long now till they reach that point of no return. Both provide nothing and it is hilarious that WWE blew so much money on Action Man AJ, who has been the biggest letdown of the year so far. What a coup, Triple H, what a coup. Stop being a mark.
WWE's pre-selected Triple Threat, where Triple H avoided defending the championship on mainstream PPV, with three run of the mill, overused characters was not its most shining light. Roman Reigns continues to be the WWE favourite but clearly not the fans. They hate him. Hates a strong word. They hate him. Though they do not have any love for the old and bumbling Triple H either, abusing his position in WWE for a nostalgic and quite possibly one of the worst championship runs in WWE history. The efforts to force and build Roman Reigns as the new WWE star, on his third championship run, will not benefit WWE at all. WWE, when giving Reigns time out last year after 'Mania to slow down and re-work him, it failed to give him anything to work with and left him to rot for six months. Roman Reigns cannot be made into a mainstream star this way. WWE need to think harder. Patience is a virtue but WWE fail to have it. WWE can't direct so they should get someone to advise Stamford, but, alas, they can't bring themselves to back their ego down. Its failed.
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| Who is this? Answers on a postcard please. |
Dean Ambrose once again worked his socks off, but was always going to be left in the shadows as the spare. That sums up his WWE career. An extra.
Brock Lesnar decided to show up for once and take time off his farm to do a few suplexes and then sit out for Reigns to look powerful. Lesnar has been overdone already too. Fans want something new, and WWE don't have it.
A filler match to end all fillers. Charming. WWE coining it in with no drive. Why are fans leaving the poorly produced shows?
The late addition of the singles match was a good filler, but sadly that is what WWE value its stars as. It doesn't want to call them jobbers but makes them do exactly that. Curtis Axel really does have potential to be a higher mid-main level star. WWE are clueless and moronic what to do to make that happen.
Though it was right to dump that pathetic limp noodle of the US title to the Pre-Show.
Fresh from the Royal Rumble Fastlane was out of gear and stumbled to find its footing. All filler, no thriller. So with WWE's constant flashbacks in overdrive and the promise of McMahon 'being creative' to give a good Wrestlemania next month, Fastlane stalled magnificently. Comparable to a regular television episode, lacked immense creativity setting the bar for fan engagement. The WWE Network stream was suffering immense technical difficulties also mostly in providing the actual show. $9.99? Cheap is what you get. Only in its second year and taking up the regular February slot of boredom, irrelevance and filler PPV for the big one, the 'E phoned in their own PPV. Vince McMahon's WWE speedway is starting to break down on the motorway. Ouch. WWE are still reluctant to call in the pickup truck. Instead he would rather be carted off in a pulley than push forward with a new car berretta and super exhaust pipe. Tut tut. Oh well. Until you figure out what you want, good luck to you. "Happy New Year, pal!"
© Max Waltham 22nd February 2016
All Rights Reserved
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