Wednesday, 12 July 2017

WWE Great Balls of Fire 2017

WWE Great Balls of Fire 2017


Coming live on Pay Per View on Sunday July 9th, 2017, from the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas, WWE launched a brand new PPV. A ridiculous name already slated by scores of fans and critics for its idiotic name, phallic logo resembling a penis and testicles and a rip off from the music song by Jerry Lee Lewis, WWE had its worse brain fart yet. WWE planned to cheat again, but had to settle the copyright dispute it often likes to steal from. How double standard of WWE. This was before the PPV even began.

There was nothing short of repeat matches and standard filler resembling another pitiful Raw show card, with zero logic involved. Would it be able to stand up above the critique and deliver some entertainment or simply gloss over cracks that currently rip WWE infrastructure apart?

Phallacy


Let's find out.


Bray Wyatt Vs Seth Rollins

A-bray-seth.
Ah-hahahahha!
Now that's creative.
WWE will naturally copy.
Up first was a random event thrown together out of nowhere. The latest cover star in WWE's annual video game repeat series of trash, Seth Rollins, has to battle the eerie dimensions of the start/stop superstar of indecision, Bray Wyatt.


With an awful job by WWE, and a match laced with skill but filler for the starter, Rollins technique and aerials against Wyatt's slower, creepy stance, it was intriguing but fell flat. That's how lame WWE's booking and writing committee have ruined all it's worth. It was insanely underwhelming and just dead air, which is a shame for two of WWE's potential performers who have been tainted as weak and useless for months.


Rollins has no role or being and Wyatt is much the same. In a baffling choice, WWE selected Bray Wyatt as the winner over Seth Rollins. It would have made more sense for Rollins to grab the win. Even now, WWE have no booking clue. 

It was boring.


Cass Vs Enzo Amore

Intent on calling devoid mannequin of no personality, Cass, 'Big' Cass was as laughable as the ragdoll slaughter of Enzo Amore. Vince McMahon enjoys seeing Enzo ragdolled and I can't blame him. Enzo is a pathetic let down but Cass has no depth either.

It was a short five minute blunder which exuded botches, lacklustre action and random fluff ending in Cass gaining the victory over Enzo Amore. The pure definition of filler. It was only there to fill a hole, and a big hole for WWE it was.


WWE Raw Tag Team Championship
Iron Man, 30 Minutes
Cesaro and Sheamus (c) Vs The Hardy Boyz


Same old Hardyz routine.
It's 2020, almost, not 1990.
As predicted, this Ironman tag match running for thirty minutes (how can that even work?) was a rushed and sad encounter that Cesaro could not save. Cesaro again made the match bearable but with weak and useless nostalgia pops from the outdated Hardyz and Sheamus being a nonentity of no popularity, this was a bust.

Rushed, sloppy, all over the place. It was a mess. It needed at least one hour for tag teaming. Whoever thought this idea up needs sacking. How no-one could even consider a thirty minute tag scrap of this nature would fail is very telling about WWE's grand failings at modern production values.

Cesaro and Sheamus won 4 falls to 3, with the third being a cheap repeat countout joke.

An attempt to get cheap heat from fans and cheers was wasted yet again and ever so sloppy, it again looked laughable from WWE once more. This is the best they can provide? lol.


WWE Raw Women's Championship
Alexa Bliss (c) Vs Sasha Banks

Steroid abusing junkie Sasha Banks (who still hasn't sat out for thirty days since her drug bust almost one year ago) was granted a title match with champ Alexa Bliss. Play dirty and you can win, girls. Inject those needles and be a female superstar like Sash. Great family entertainment from WWE.

Alexa Bliss made short work of Sasha, who has no actual star quality and has fast become a washout plus one like Bayley before her. There is no point to Banks other than being related to WWE favourite celebrity Snoop Dogg, which is why she was hired. How lame can it get?

Botches galore and tame action from Bliss, who is the best of a bad bunch, need real competition. Raw's roster has none (except Emma) and Sasha was the 'indy darling favourite' default fall guy to host some match. How sad once more for WWE.

Like last month's Raw PPV, WWE offered Sasha Banks a measly countout victory. Another laughable repeat of no value. The action was so boring and useless. It was a turnoff. Sasha Banks won by countout.


WWE Intercontinental Championship
The Miz w/ Maryse, Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas (c) Vs Dean Ambrose

The Miz has added two bookends to his crew with the wife, Maryse. WWE, still clueless to book good ideas, threw Bo Dallas back with missing talented beefcake Curtis Axel. Returning and looking ever so dapper, Axel is the only star of the group that WWE are hoping might bring some notable reputation to The Miz's random encounters.

From Smackdown to Raw.
Same old repeats.
Ever the afterthought.
His opponent was the equally mundane Dean Ambrose. Enough has been said on Ambrose's typecast failings and empty shell. He's just there, and it's boring.


The Miz, of course, is no better.

The IC title remains cursed and has no role than hopeful lineage to a stipulated scrap.


The ever suave and sophisticated hunk,
Curtis Axel.
Tepid, weak, tender moments from a stalling Miz and rushed hardcore tones from Dean Ambrose with natural outside mishaps from plus one's were the typical WWE booking lunacy that took away from the fun. 

Another pointless endeavour that saw The Miz retain another worthless victory.



Ambulance Match
Roman Reigns Vs Braun Strowman

An EXACT repeat match from Raw 2-3 months back before Brown Strowman got injured, saw Roman Reigns escape the Ambulance tipped over and embarrassed WWE's production of Braun tipping it over with a crane on the other side was another wasteful joke.

WWE think this added something meaningful to the proceedings.

It was the same old routine of sloppy interactions and slowed, bulky carrying with the pair unable to figure out what to do to entertain a live audience. The chemistry between the two was also devoid and non-existent.

WWE's logic after each of them gained the advantage over the other, as always the same routine, was another lame pandering to the audience of 'Brown' non-entity, Braun Strowman defeat Roma Reigns by bundling him into the Ambulance. Braun won. However, Roman Reigns, in true WWE lunacy, escaped the vehicle and stuffed Strowman into it instead. Standing tall over Strowman, the winner, who now looked invariably weak, rammed the Ambulance into surfaces to destroy Strowman. 

Good old Jaime Noble returned to try and force the door open with a crowbar to save Strowman. 


LOL-Man Reigns
So Reigns lost, because fans hate Vince's John Cena Mark II, but rose above as the strongest act as if he has won, also acting in a dishonourable fashion as an honourable fellow. Eh? WWE logic at its finest once again. So entertaining for its dumb fans they want to take money from but abuse in entertaining values.



Heath Slater Vs Curt Hawkins

A random toilet match if ever there was one. It was boring, wasteful and filler, as both know. They did what they could, as Heath Slater won the battle of the ginger jobbers in just two minutes.


WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) w/ Paul Heyman Vs Samoa Joe

Further hilarity closed the show. Triple H's new fat friend in Sh*tmoa Joe against the mighty Brock Lesnar to add some, err, depth, was a beautiful squash match. Makes you wonder why WWE feed nonsense stars of ignorance endorsed by Triple H's business brain farts to Lesnar when they are all pummelled in short succession.


The match lasted a momentous six minutes, in efforts to give the ever hapless nobody as Triple H's NXT poodle of a long line some chance to be strong. Joe has done nothing in WWE since arriving on main roster call ups and has been entirely nondescript. What WWE are seeing is somewhat missing from the realms of reality. It really is the airhead era.

Quick reversals, a couple of power moves and a destruction of the random jobber to feed to Lesnar was Samoa Joe. Brock Lesnar easily won and has no competition. WWE are warming the title for Roman Reigns next month at Summerslam, after waiting for the Wrestlemania matchup is taking too long. Yeah, because and absent champion, one who is hated by viewers and random jobbers to fill the void will really boost WWE's product. 


Infeasible start of lunacy feud
with no grasping connectivity.
Do they even see what is wrong with the shows? Of course not, they live in their own bubble of hate and ignorance. The ratings continue to crash through the floor rapidly, even if they bribe companies for higher view counts. 



PPV Rating - 1/10


Men/Women of their matches - Seth Rollins, Cass, Cesaro, Alexa Bliss, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Heath Slater, Brock Lesnar


Man/Woman of the PPV - Brock Lesnar



Quality entertainment continues to be something WWE do not wish to deliver. Coining it in and making a standard approach of blasé run through dress rehearsals don't deliver anymore. Over the last three years WWE has been in trouble and failed to listen, and since wrestling genius that they so despise for giving them everything and at the height of programming, Max Waltham, WWE has nosedived in every possible outcome. When they will choose to wake up without bitterness remains to be seen. Until then, the shows and WWE's future is as bleak as it comes. Fans know it and arn't staying around. It is in decline and is likely to never recover from such a downward spiral. All of wrestling is sinking and it is not a profitable option if this writer is not involved. That's just a fact.


He who laughs last...
It isn't Vince laughing this time.
Before this PPV, also, WWE suffered a massive data leak on its website. All information of users, paying customers to the WWE Network and other WWE services were hacked. WWE issued a statement to its Universe stating personal data and financial details were protected. Though, whn WWE openly lie about their ratings numbers, social media scores, use bribes, cover wellness policy drug abuses, sex and regular scandals and make up fake numbers of attendances in storylines and hope to believe them in reality doesn't fill the air with much confidence, does it?

WWE openly lie about details. They only way to protect your data is to pull out of the ever flawed WWE Network, which has no good shows, PPV and random trash to fill space.


This PPV was officially the return of The Great American Bash meets Judgment Day and Bad Blood. Another rip off, badly named, shoehorned PPV to fill space in the overdone WWE PPV calendar which claims too much unnecessary time with lacking product.

Wrestling is further more sinking and WWE are entering TNA/Impact/Independent ignorance deflation era's. This is officially the airhead era.  No good stories, writers, ignorant bookers from Indy darling hires who want to feel special, nepotism running rife and useless production values. It really is a no brainer. Though WWE are the only ones who fail to see the cold hard truth, and they are not prepared to do what is absolutely necessary, which is vital to its future survival through its own, ignorant ego. 

That's their problem though, isn't it?

You're Welcome.


© Max Waltham 12th July 2017
All Rights Reserved