Friday, 28 July 2017

WWE Battleground 2017

WWE Battleground 2017

After months of WWE's bungled PPV's all being nothing but trash insertion filler would Sunday July 23rd's Battleground, live from the Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia fare any better before the mega Summerslam extravaganza?

Let's find out.

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship
The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) w/ Big E Vs The Uso's (c)

It was a predictable starting match where WWE's booking of The Uso's (at its most disastrously, with racial profiling to boot) had the hoodlums against the newly switched Smackdown tag team of The ever stale New Day.

This time was different though. They decided to let third wheel and WWE hoeski Paige lover Xavier Woods play this time. Male sex scandals are often rewarded highly in WWE.

Paige, Woods and Brad Maddox engage in threesome
scandal WWE chose to dismiss.
(Paige has since been involved in a domestic abuse
attack on new lover Alberto Del Rio.)
After numerous back and forth of standard tag match filler, with the character types of New Day always seen beforehand, and The Uso's desperate attempts to shine among being used as fodder failed them. 

Talented but booked horrendously, The Uso's predictably lost their titles to the New Day's Kofi and Woods. WWE will most likely ruin the titles once more with the three team can defend a two team title. Are ratings down? WWE doesn't even takes its own rules seriously any longer.

It was boring and standard warm up section to cover WWE's favourites who have lost all depth for over a year and a half. WWE need to split Woods and return to NXT.

Shinsuke Nakamura Vs Baron Corbin

The new chosen one, still filling into jobber slots, namely Baron Corbin, was playing flyswatter with some random acrobat. Cruiserweight trying to be main eventer and untranslatable goon in Shinsuker Fu*kamoron was another useless nothing match which ended in another weak disqualification end for Shinsuke Nakamura.

World Class.
We've seen these repeats every PPV from WWE, which prove how outdated and loosely lost WWE are with its programming for the modern age. No one cared again. Why should they? Both are dreadful performers who are way too green and eagerly redundant.

Fatal 5 Way
Charlotte Flair Vs Tamina Vs Lana Vs Becky Lynch Vs Natalya

The winner of this one will get a number one contendership to the Smackdown Women's title next month at Summerslam. Ugh. Another contenders match? How original.

Looking like the favourite from the start either Charlotte or Lana where the favourites with many on the assumption of WWE booking as it has done so predictably for the last three years. It was another mess of WWE/rushed divas as women branding awkwardness.

Charlotte, who also caused a sex scandal two months
ago, like Paige, blames others whilse causing
PG image of WWE to prove its perversive nature.

Always WWE know how to ruin potential female successiveness and then claim they have re-established the Women's Revolution tag that Max Waltham created. They simply have no idea what they are doing and fans and critics have finally realised, they aint me.

First out was predictable as Becky Lynch submitted Tamina with a very sloppy Dis-Arm-Her. She then immediately removed Lana with the same submission seconds later, which made a useless waste of two potential growers for WWE's Smackdown females in short supply, for Becky Lynch, a random floater of zero value.

Natalya came in after and rolled over Becky Lynch with the tights grab roll up to pin her out of the battle.

Once again it was another replay of Nattie and Char-lie. Blergh! 

Nothing new and Charlotte Flair was carried the entire bout by veteran Natalya, often despised by WWE in favour of Charlotte 'my daddy's surname love-in' flair, which doesn't fully connect with actual fans how she should.

No thanks.
After a shocking transitions of good bad, Natalya-Charlotte barbs, Charlotte Flair was rolled up randomly by Natalya, with another tights grab, to win the match and be named the new surprise contender to current Smackdown champ Naomi next month.

After the match Naomi offered the winner a sporting handshake, which was refused. Great match building and victory roll. Meh!

WWE United States Championship
Kevin Owens Vs AJ Styles (c)

AJ Styles randomly won the strap a week or so back on a house show, non televised. Lol. Tonight Owens was given another hand me down opportunity of protection from Triple H's overly-green-fandom club of pals instead of talent. For the last three years Owens has managed to drop something. The ratings. WWE wish to be defiant with ignorant fellows. The results are telling. WWE feel they can do whatever they want and win. Good luck with that. You've already lost.

Even the armpits speak volumes.
To further alienate and destroy the linage of the United states Championship, an acrobat against an overly fat, and disgusting pig by fan standards just because Triple H feels sorry for him, was another joke of a run for WWE's freebie title handovers. Gone is the talent and in is the Indy darlings of high ignorance that have ended WWE's successive transitions of being 'down with the fans' for their own BS.

Styles the acrobat did his three bouncy moves throughout as Owens traditionally got out of breath early, rolled around on the floor and yelled again and again. Spin us a new yarn.

Furthermore WWE was hit by another sex scandal as Kevin Owens had his naked pictures released online, which he instantly denied. The photos were instantly removed offline. If they are real then they can only be removed if they are of you. Therefore that means the photos are authentic and those photos were of Owens. Another perverted, useless hack in WWE. Triple H has laced the company well for a future of failure, on his mark fandom favourites.

Once again the talented Kevin Owens messed up the ending as he was not supposed to win and pinned AJ Styles to win the title in a bungled botch that was done too quickly that Styles wasn't aware to kick out. That also shows just how crap Styles is too as being untrained in depth outside of a technical wrestler than an Action Man figurine in real life. The pair were doomed from the start of this pitiful series that WWE knew would be bad but convince themselves it can work, just because they have no other stars to put together. the Indy luv-in is over.

On the following Smackdown episode, Chris Jericho predictably returned and cost Kevin Owens the title, back to AJ Styles, which once more makes a complete turd fest of the US title. Again it is officially worthless, yet WWE felt these two were rebuilding it up. WWE booking at its finest hilarity. Blinded by their own lunacy.

The action was entirely sloppy, laboured and breathtakingly numbing boredom.

John Cena Vs Rusev

SuperCena, the WWE cartoon.
A repeat battle from the two returning stars thrown together once more through lack of stars, WWE's Smackdown side put the pair in a battle of Flag waving again.

Cena did his regular routine run through with an Attitude Adjustment on Rusev, who countered with a jumping mule kick with sheer talent and style. Rusev has continued to improve his game and is one of WWE's loved, now hated, yet overly talented stars that is treated will male-nourishment by the booking goons with no in-depth talent or skills today of what works.

Cena, the free agent (?) who is exclusive to the Smackdown brand from Wrestlemania's post Superstar Shakeup failure, reclaimed his SuperCena animation. The cartoon resurgence of Cena managed to AA slam the Bulgarian Brute into two tables to crush him down.

Cena, who has never lost a clean one on one match for decades, and continues his overly animated approach as a cartoon, comically raised the US flag, which was all so destroyed in the previous battle over the actual title. Fans could not care less about another empty John Cena win 'representing' Americans who can't stand his lacking repertoire over a growing concept to achieve.

Sami Zayn Vs Mike Kanellis w/ Maria Kanellis

Former TNA miracle Mike Kanellis, nee Bennett, battled with Sami Zayn. So the Kanellis's are nasty now from last month's soppy, loved up lovefest? This was another confusion to fans on WWE's lacking direction.
Saddled into the filler match early on, Mike 'no personality or depth' Kanellis, who may be a decent guy, but has no character, surprisingly lost to random jobber Sami Zayn. Hilarious.

Mmm, dat tongue, doe.
Kanellis is now seen by many fans as a constantly failure in Impact Wrestling, Ring of (no) Honor and Independent promotions.

Well done WWE.

No one cared about toilet break personified.

WWE Championship
Jinder Mahal (c) Vs Randy Orton

Resident steroid abusing champion of WWE, Jinder Mahal, endorsed by WWE for an Indian expansion overseas branding, which shames Indians than raises them, was still trying to hold a credible jobber to champion rising.

Vince McMahon has always been desperate to use the Punjabi Prison structure, which he has had locked up in storage for the last twenty years, rotting away. The embarrassment that cost more than just money in a lock up, features bamboo walls and a trap door cat flap. Lol.

Outnumbered by lunacy.
This was the third ever one. Vince, babe, you should have set it on fire.

This boring battle was a waste of time and once more held up by the extraordinary talents of Randy Orton trying to make Jinder Mahal have some type of credible relevance which can never be achieved.


WWE reward steroid abusing junkies and expect to keep a family friendly company, with older adults engaged to over veined, bulked up abusers who have zero talent and placement over actual stars.

It would not be a surprise to any that the glorious champion of chance had his regular boyfriends arrive. The pint sized Singh Brothers came to help interfere for Jinder once again. Hasn't this already been done, like every match?

So original was the battle, that after Randy Orton took care of those silly Singh's, a towering former World Champion of India, accustomed to the Punjabi Prison, came leering down the ramp.

Sexy Jinder's Before and Afters

Mmmm, those veins. *vom*

This isn't Jinder.

The Great Khali (wow) marched to the ring and climbed the Prison. This itself was an inconceivable laugh than serious interaction. Entering the Bamboo walls, Khali choked out Randy Orton as Jinder Mahal was able to escape the Bamboo cage and retain the worthless WWE Championship once again in another lunacy booking of assistance and failure.


PPV Rating - 1/10

Men/Women of their matches - Kofi Kingston, Baron Corbin, Natalya, Neither were good enough, Rusev, Mike Kanellis, Randy Orton

Man/Woman of the PPV - The Great Khali

Once more WWE's Battleground PPV was another sad washout, worse than ever before.

We explained how WWE and wrestling is in serious decline in 2017 and beyond and WWE continue to prove it. WWE has failed to be me, snub me and can't emulate me. With its failed actions, idea and Indy bookers backstage giving freebies to their pals with a tedious 'writing' team of nepotism and marks, alongside the biggest ignorance hirer of WWE's failed future, Triple H, WWE is failing terribly.

The Airhead Era.
WWE will always make it seem like they are fine, but in true honesty, the company is the pits and sinking fast. All down to Triple H's madly hateful ego and Vince McMahon having to appease his daughter's delicate plus one.

Though... that's their problem isn't it?

While he praises Triple H publicly to keep peace, Vince is clearly trying to finally regain some steed from his failed years with the HHH Indy-Ignorance call ups. The damage has already been done and Vince thoroughly endorsed it at the highest of peaks.

The ratings have plummeted and WWE, who continue to bribe ratings companies, beg advertisers with no affiliation to the business and top up its own stock to seem credible, cannot fool anyone except WWE themselves.

The show is useless, boring, wasteful and worthless viewing with titles and stipulations. Even the hype of an 'attraction' has been lost. What reason is there to watch and waste people's lives on WWE, which will never materialise in a modern age at this rate of failure.

Vince McMahon hates being labelled in the same word as failure, but there he is. All thanks to his wayward bookers, writers, and hiring lunatic marks hating on the one shining glory WWE and Vince copied, snubbed and above all else, is the one person WWE just can't get.

Oh the hilarity.

This PPV like all before it this year, bar one, is another pitiful 1/10. That is a serious issue for WWE not to dismissed and mull over with a serious drawing board than media appearances or tabloid begging for a random bit of 'buzz' which is just another laughable fail of epic proportions.

You're Welcome.

© Max Waltham 28th July 2017

All Rights Reserved

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