Monday, 21 October 2013

TNA Bound For Glory 2013

TNA Bound for Glory

Coming live from the Viejas Arena on pay per view in San Diego, California on Sunday 20th October would TNA bypass its financial difficulties, lacklustre booking and drive forward fan involvement. Would this level of encouragement to audiences further elevate TNA's future prospects if it gets tonight correct? Let's find out...

X Division Championship
Ultimate X
Jeff Hardy Vs Austin Aries Vs Chris Sabin w/ Velvet Sky Vs Samoa Joe Vs Manik (c)

Sky enters and almost trips over he own feet. In this Ultimate X match the objective is to unhook the title dangling from the middle of the ring, held by the ropes above in an X formation. How novel.

Former World Champion
Former flop Heavyweight champion Chris Sabin was worked over by Joe and flattened with a running crush of body in corner post.  Hardy and Aries are seen climbing the pole structure. Aries soon hurled out by Mank and Hardy. Manik worked over by Hardy and Sabin. Manik applies a Boston Crab on Sabin as Aries breaks the hold and flings Manik across. Aries scales cables again as Hardy stops once again. Aries stops everyone with outside dive and then climbs again. Manik pulls Aries down as Taz says of Manik “has back against the wall” in a sad play on words. The announce team really need to think when they word such details. Manik and Sabin took a tumble outside as Aries and Joe take it back in the ring. Aries holds bout together again with Joe and Hardy until Joe returns behind submission and swing around of Aries. Manik then climbs above a underneath Joe as the crowd laughs. Joe then splashes Manik. Sabin then runs in with a dropkick. Sabin waits for Hardy to backflip launch onto him from turnbuckle. Only Aries is workable here with a second support of Hardy. Huge gasp as Manik launches far atop the rope and meets Aries in the middle. Sabin used ladder to stop both as crowd so unappealed by lame duck Sabin. Sabin tells Velvet skank to stop his competitors as Hardy in ring by Sabin. Hardy moves her away as Sabin climbs ladder, stops Hardy, Manik from behind dealt with by Aries and Joe approaching as Chris Sabin snatches the title by climbing a ladder in an extremely abysmal ending.

Sabin is not any level of championship material. TNA realised he was awful as Heavyweight, so it rewarded him with the traditional jobber title Sabin has constantly been assigned to for past years.

Kazarian entered a borderline homophobic transcript regarding Brokeback Mountain proving exactly who the biggest embarrassment was. Then he finished adding all the audience were “turds.” Hardly a way of getting interest. Christopher Daniels then blabs on with uninterested without any “facts” and broke kayfaybe numerous times with “swerves” and made no interesting point or level of interest other than a moaning jobber desperate for attention. Hobo Eric Young then interrupted after their request for inclusion in the upcoming tag match was requested. TNA wonders why it is in financial and audience disaster. No appealing characters and inadequate script. After a predictable beating on Young, moronic hand gestured liability Abyss takes the pair out.  

Offensive Cruiserweight Kazarian and Bro Daniels
Fish tank Borash, who said we were all monitoring your feedback backstage to promote Social Media interviewed the god-awful Gunner and partner James Storm, tag champions. This the best TNA has to offer?

Tag Team Championship
Jesse and Robbie E w/ Phil Heath Vs James Storm and Gunner (c)

Mr. Olympia chaperones the Bromans. Robbie E and Jesse are placed together in a lame ass team name. Godderz needs better than this.

Storm and Gunner going the show. Can we feasibly believe that The Bromans will win against the defending tag champs in first Gauntlet pairing? Ridiculous booking mars any progress TNA can make in credibility.

Jesse maintained strong strength, kept match together and sold for the pitiful Gunner. Jesse kept the match together. Slight support came from Storm also in a hot tag moment.

A “Fire Bischoff” chant was also heard.

Robbie E almost eliminated Storm on a close DDT as Storm gashed his leg. Jesse told E to duck and got planted by Gunner instead. After close double team Jesse saved E with a spin over pinfall. This would have been better if the pin was rewarded. E hurled a title inside to knock down Storm and double team with Jesse who then allowed a pin for him and Robbie E. Not much of a Gauntlet match but hey, at least Jesse is workable as a champion. The pair joined with Mr.Olympia in celebration who poses shirtless. At least Jesse is champ out of all this. Though many cannot take the team as a credible championship pairing.

Jeremy Borerash presented the “Hall of Fame dinner” for the second entry, Kurt Angle.

“The Icon” Sting was introduced to pass the baton and induct Angle into the Hall of Fame, live, in the ring, at Bound for Glory and not at an actual ceremony. Sting gave Kurt a shiny badge for his endorsement.

Rolex watch for Kurt. That’s your gift for being honoured for all your achievements. Angle was not impressed. Angle “respectfully declines” this induction in order to “set a new standard for this industry.” Hmm. “Stinger, when I am worthy, I will join you in the Hall of Fame.” TNA used Angle’s induction for some cheap heat that generated no interest. All you get is some crap watch anyway.

Dixie gets a phone call. “I have a great idea.” Some ill devoid tool called Ethan Carter the third strolls along. “The world needs us, were the Carter’s.” Holy hell. Is he Dixie’s son? Another attempt at a Max Waltham rip off while channelling Fandango is an hilarious new low for dumbass Dixie. Formed on the model and altered by TNA in their uncharismatic way is plain stupidity. He is ten times below average genome at best. 

Knockouts title
Triple Threat
ODB (c) Vs Brooke Vs Gail Kim

ODB is apparently “still drunk from Thursday” according to Taz. ODB flings Tessmanker across the ring. Takes Kim out with strong dominance. Rotten bimbo Brooke grinds her booty on ODB after ODB Bronco Bust’s Brooke hilariously. Kim returns with ODB getting best of her.

Brooke sneaks up and hurls Kim out and takes top faceplant to ODB. Two fall. After a long while Brooke jumps up and bangs her crotch atop ODB’s back to knock her down. Brooke’s strongest offence was to walk around and circle the defending champion. The crowd are entirely bored. Brooke sits atop ODB in a disgusting pin. Kim grabs Tessmacher and locks her legs into hold by the ring corner from the outside as Brooke works her body back and forth like writhing along a bed. She then takes out Kim with ease. ODB and Tessmucker continue slow pace with champion gaining appeal with technical approach. Kim charges in a stops Brooke tapping. Brooke and Kim on top as camera shows image of Brooke’s open ass cheeks in fishnets. Brooke gets an elbow drop after all fall off.

ODB destroys pair of them as a suplex on Kim broken by Brooke. Brooke runs out the way and pulls ref in way as ODB hits, then Kim follows running dropkick. ODB double backdrops both until Tessmacher gets free. The Chaka Khan wannabe Lei’d Tapa (pronounced Lady Tapa) arrives though tonight looking like an alcoholic Beyonce. 

Would you tap 'er? 
Tapa took champ ODB down with a big boot up the ramp. Brooke, atop turnbuckle stupidly jumps on Tapa who caught and smashed her into the ring as the crowd cheered. Gail Kim covers from the powerbomb to scramble over for the title to win.

Tapa then grabs the title and sends message to Kim as her next challenger for winning her the title. No, Tapa raised Kim’s hand and proved to be in alliance with her instead. Kim is champ on a dirty win. Tapa has no stage presence whatsoever. 

The Bromans celebrate backstage as the announcer backstage terribly falls around from a mild spray of protein shakes on the floor.

Booby Roode then came to bore the audience more moaning about Kurt Angle’s declining Hall of fame induction.

Bobby Roode Vs Kurt Angle

(S*)IT Factor Bobby Roode enters the fray after all his whining. Into back hold into takedown and stalemate face off. Lock up again. Angle wrenches arms around and worked down in hold by Roode. Shoulder block takes down Angle. Yes, “IT” Factor Roode knocks Angle down on a shoulder barge. Roode follows up with a run the ropes shoulder barge of Angle next. The Roode match script is below.

*Shoulder Barge. Run ropes. Shoulder Barge. Stand still. Walk. Stare. Bark*

Work outside now as Angle turns around and slams Roode down onto the ground.  Angle rolls him in. Roode rolls outside after a counter. Rolls him in ring. Elbow hammers Angle from outside. Roode then does a move and gets a two fall on Angle. Are there pins in a submission match. Roode works a arm lock submission on Angle for a few minutes. Roode dropped on counter momentum run through from Angle. Kurt launches a suplex but fails to complete. Lands another pin to cover for two. Kurt runs into lazy Roode with a spinebuster. Roode on floor pushes Angle off with his feet then sidesteps a running Angle. Roode then applied a Daniel Bryan YES! Lock rip-off on Angle, down on the ground to no impact nor pressure applied.  Roode then climbs atop turnbuckle placing Amgle on it and simply then falls himself off in a dire botch. Just throw yourself off, huh? Kurt went for Moonsault as lazy Roode moved aside and then applied the YES! Lock once again. Angle reversed into a standing and uninteresting leg lock as usual. Roode simply stayed there on the floor in hold. Roode then rolled Angle through into a counter chinlock again. Reversed into a pin by both with no end. Roode re-applied a YES Lock. Taz yells “three!” as Angle had a pinfall unheard due to such pitiful over zealousness ruining the momentum. Roode traditional throws limp hand jabs. Angle gets hit from Roode with a low blow as Angle falls down. Roode takes a breather spot. Does a neckbreaker. Two fall. Angle rolls through another leg lock submission. Turn into a “Grapevine” leg lock. Roode almost reaches rope and just lies on the mat. Disgraceful sell. Roode feigned a passout as ref raised hand so he could reach the rope. Fans loudly chanted “Bullsh*t!” for such a terrible match procedure. Angle place Roode onto the turnbuckle in what is now another boring moment in the match. Angle lands suplex as both down on the ground.

Roode stands to his feet at 9 then falls down back onto Angle’s “knocked out” body as Bobby Roode gets the pinfall and three fall. A guy centre railings peers down into camera to hilarious asked “What!?” for the shoddy ending. TNA doing the Angle is not moving and ruined angle as Roode spits onto the canvas from his mouth, on ground. The stretcher soon arrives for Kurt. 

To his credit Angle worked the non-moving role perfectly.

Kurt then simply got off the stretcher, absolutely fine, ruining any progress previously made. What a stupid concoction.

Bully Ray is seen talking to a random figure in a doorway. Asking about rebirth and colours to his untrusting “brother. “Tonight is all about out creed” white man Ray states.

Ethan Carter III Vs Mystery Opponent

The mystery opponent was Norv Fernum.

Cocky Carter
Yes Ethan Carter’s first opponent is some random jobber. The Ryback era begins for TNA. The crowd were on the side of the jobber. Carter threw Norv around to no impact, interest and silence, with the occasional “bo-ring!” Carter then asked “Do you love it?” Fernum gained  two fall on Carter. Then came an easy DDT. Ethan Carter “the third” grabs a pointless first win. No one cares. 

Ethan is revealed as "The nephew of Dixie Carter" by the announce team, Mike Tenay. Thanks for clearing that up so late in the bout. 

Drab squib Magnus had an interview blabbering on about nothing interesting and a load of words that cant be re-counted. 

Sting Vs Magnus

Constant loser Magnus, who could never achieve a win on television or of any interest for being so bland was given a sympathy match by Sting.

Sting shoulder blocks Magnus who only walks back two steps and wiggles finger in no motion. Puts Sting into accommodating headlock. Sting shoves underachiever Magnus down. Obnoxious Magnus jabbed by Sting with a elbow knocking him to outside. Magnus walks around outside gazing into nowhere as Sting allows Magnus back in the ring then hurls Magnus all over the ring.

As Sting is back in the ring from walking around outside Magnus places leg lock over Sting’s waist. Magnus gives a few bland uppercuts. Sting flings into corner and flips him over. Pummels drab Magnus with clotheslines and momentum into the Scorpion leg lock. Magnus scurries free and gave smashed down in double clothesline.

Sting slaps Magnus who just stands there with no effect then Hulk’s up and screams “ahh” to a silent crowd. Gets minor two fall. Goes for submission and kicked off by Sting. Magnus splashed by Sting and collapses into mat. Sting locks Magnus in submission again. Lying still in ring Magnus eventually grabs the rope. Sting runs into an uppercut to give Magnus an advantage. Magnus jumps with a boring elbow drop. Two fall as Taz explains he “got a little cocky on that cover.” Moronic Magnus goes for another attempt at an unappealing move with crowd and misses. Magnus gives two elbows to Sting who then falls down. Hilarious. Magnus walks towards Sting and tips him into a submission. Locks on a loose holding leg lock only standing there and grimacing. Sting then taps out. Magnus then simply smiles and walks away. 

TNA World Heavyweight Championship 
No Disqualification, No Countout
Bully Ray (c) w/ Brooke Vs AJ Styles

AJ “has no contract” and “has to win” Taz says, in order to remain in this company. Bully Ray walks around and holds AJ by the wrist to work him around, mildly. Styles easily smashed by clothesline. Ray trash talks AJ instead saying he fears him to compensate for Ray’s lack of skill.

Garrett Bischoff arrives after Brooke screams as Bully Ray magically pulls out a plastic hammer. AJ kicks the arm freeing the hammer from an attack as AJ hold to smash and is caught by a slap from Ray to fall down. Ray starts limping now. Always good for a laugh. But whose laughing? Ray slowly walks around the ring and ear waves in Hogan motions. How sad. A champion that constitutes walking around and doing nothing to hide lazy work. 

AJ surges at Ray who just stands there and talks to Ray who then smacks him. AJ now back up and stares down again. Kicks legs and dropkicks feet of Ray. The bearded Knux arrives as AJ jumps from set turnbuckle, caught and chokeslammed by Knux. Two fall. Ray then clotheslines Knux by accident outside after an altercation with the referee Earl Hebner. “A crushing blow” Taz adds as Ray runs a toe kick into Styles gut to send outside. Head smash against announce table as Ray picks up the plastic hammer once more. Styles jumps up and smacks an enziguri on Ray. AJ holds the hammer firm. Styles smacks Ray’s head on table instead. Styles jump flips with force as Ray easily moves again and Styles plummets throughout the broken table.

Ray perplexingly opens the entire ring and reveals the board of the ring in a completely disgraceful expose to wrestling. Styles fell onto the hammer after. Ray calls for his boys to come out.

Dixie asks for a chair to pass to Ray. AJ jumps atop ropes and launches into Ray. Styles launches a 450 on Ray for a cover as Carter tells official not to count. Earl counts one as Ray kicks out. Countered Styles Clash by Ray over the planks on Styles. Ray bothches a standing foot stomp. Ray over extends his launch as back elbow barley touches AJ on drop. 

Bully smashes chair over Styles twice. Kick to the head from Styles in another game of turnaround  AJ smacks chair as Ray puts both his hands in front of face to botch the shot once again. Spiral Tap from AJ landed on Bully Ray as AJ Styles wins the World Heavyweight Championship.  

PPV Rating - 3/10

Men/Women of their matches – Austin Aries, Jesse, ODB, Kurt Angle, Norv Fernum, Sting, AJ Styles

Man/Woman of the PPV – AJ Styles

TNA aimed to recreate Pay Per View that would at least interest fans and return favour to Styles as centrefold of TNA. So awful was the PPV that it achieved such success. Fans were pleased for Styles to dethrone the tiresome Ray. Though they weren’t exactly jumping off their chairs for Styles, either. They just wanted out of the lingering disaster that is Bully Ray and his biker brutes. Ray, as usual, didn’t work the match and botched all over the place once more. It is embarrassing behind comprehension for wrestling as well as this company and his opponents.

Laughable (then) heavyweight Champion Sabin
Chris Sabin was given a transitional Heavyweight run. Realising such a hasting and clueless fan favourite cashing in his loyalty card was a mistake, TNA went one better. They decided to favour him the X Division title instead. Sabin, a TNA original, propping up the bar in random loserville matches and easy title wins meaning nothing is troublesome for all involved. This is the extreme mentality of the dysfunction on offer in TNA.

Austin Aries held the match together and was the only stand out factor, often misplaced by TNA bigwigs making him the fool to do all the work and not be rewarded with anything. The only hope for Aries is to eventually move back into the heavyweight ranks.

The tag team match was the PPV’s best bout and yet was not the best quality on offer. Only Jesse was able to keep the match in decent levels of compact togetherness. Storm added occasional support but both men were relegated to minor roles often, in favour of comedian spots. If TNA had brains, as mentioned before by us, this tag title run should be a stepping stone to prepare Jesse for future heavyweight contention.  It needs to get its act together, but it probably can’t figure how without the right people involved.

Magnus is the biggest waste of television and wrestling space available and should not be on television in any company. The performances are so bland, uneventful and pathetic it makes TNA a bigger laughing stock than usual. Sting did an average but lacking performance as well as a result.

Angle kept similar rank when working with dross fad Bobby Roode. Lazy and apathetic, Roode should not be booked so highly any longer when he ruins the competitor he battles with for being misplaced and ever so free flowing. Advice for watching a Roode match. Put the kettle on and watch a TV soap form 25 – 30 minutes. How many times was the YES Lock used in the last three minute period and it still couldn’t get over? Oh dear.  

Seating arrangement at Bound For Glory
Even Norv, the jobber guy couldn’t make Ethan slick haired block Carter work. Carter, as he is, is a truly useless block of muscle that cannot get over and will fail continually should TNA continue such ill throughout procedure.

Overall, one of TNA’s ‘Big four’ should have catered a much better production for its fans and lack of funds and low talent is no excuse. It could easily have been achieved. At this rate, with TNA’s constant mismanagement and lacklustre understanding of wrestling values will continue to ascertain empty crowds in seating and interactive aspects. Clueless Carter, who inherited a wrestling company from her father, has no understanding of wrestling business. Continuing at this rate, TNA will soon fold if nothing strong is undertaken to save this company and only carter can do so. Is she really that stubborn to save it that she will cause it to implode? This is the result. It needs to hire people who can support the show or wait for the inevitable fall. Hogan, Bischoff and even Jarrett won’t be able to save it for the new age, but can Dixie Carter honestly figure out what’s best for business or simply become entirely arrogant. Her new transformation into company upset has not been of any interest and exceptional laughable. With money to burn Carter should hire proper people. Unless it does, TNA won’t resurrect at all and continue to worsen with bad executive decisions. Where will that leave the wresters in the stockpile, too? The ball is firmly in your court, darlin’.

©  Max Waltham 21st October 2013

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