WWE Hell In A Cell 2011 Results & Review

WWE Hell In A Cell 2011

Hell In A Cell, began promisingly. Was it about to give its intended Universe what they truly were seeking? Something new, invigorating and rather different with talent. Would anyone triumph?

It wasn’t looking too bad as Christian initiated the PPV. Heading out confident and seemingly strong, it was all about to change, thus casting serious doubt in all minds seeking a triumph. This would overshadow the feel of the PPV entirely.

Tinie Tempah? Does WWE homegrow it's plants?
He got taste anyhow.

After entering, Christian was standing lonesome in the ring; before we saw some unexpected guests arrive with their predicted ringside tickets to sit among the front row. Low and behold, it was indeed Awesome Truth. The Miz and R Truth wouldn’t last long. John Laurinaitis instantly charged into the arena with security to eject the guys from buying tickets to an event. It was then that everyone realised, Christian, whom was forgotten at this point, stood absolutely no chance of winning. He was doomed before he began. What a way to begin a match.

Didn't stand a chance. Get new attire.

Christian V Sheamus

The two ginger warriors of the WWE locked horns, after Sheamus entered, now that Awesome Truth had been ejected. No one was interested, knowing Christian’s fate was pre determined. From headlining the World title series of outstanding matches alongside Randy Orton, both have found themselves in lower positions. It’s a shame. Nethertheless, both put on a good attempt at doing the best they could for the audience. After the usual back and forth exchanges, Christian nailed a spear on the Celtic Warrior on the outside of the ring, (whilst placing his hand on Shea’s chest so tentatively, which looked very homo-erotic for the pair – no complaints here), to then follow up with a second spear, after 21 minutes into the PPV. It was noted by the broadcast team that Christian couldn’t seem to finish Sheamus on one spear alone. Unfortunately neither could he do it with two.

Quickly placing the Killswitch on, Sheamus countered and toppled his counterpart with the Brogue Kick, sending Captain Charisma down for a three fall. Sheamus wraps this one up swiftly.

Giving Christian the spear – a well renowned and powerful manoeuvre to ‘finish’ his opponent, should not have been booked so derogatory. He landed two spears – and neither could defeat? Edge and Batista, even the Big Show, are instant finishers when that move is implemented. It shouldn’t be used disparagingly. When Christian uses it, it’s meant to build the finish, if followed by the Killswitch/Unprettier.

There is one thing Christian can do to transform himself. Lose the pant tights. Seriously. Dropping them for speedos briefs or red hipsters with trim around will give you a new sense of character, look and acceptance. Remaining the same has been the stigmata to your transgression.

Once again, an Interview slot was in place. Again, it was Mark Henry, current World Champion. In this segment, Henry delivered a weak promo in which he mimicked a childish girly voice, whilst addressing his shortcomings in the minds of all wrestling viewers. He told us to “Shut Up!”, that he hadn’t been in a Hell In A Cell match before – (why start now, then?), and would induct Randy Orton into the “Hall Of Pain” to join previous victims, Big Show, Kane and Jerry “The King” Lawler, whom is still selling the angle by having Booker T on commentary in his place alongside Cole & JR.

The next match began.

Sin Cara VS Sin Cara

Here we had the battle of the Cara’s, (explained previously on WW also). Fans were left wondering if both Cara’s would finally expose the mysteries going on. One Cara was Blue, the other, Black. Black and Blue, Eh?

Michael Mc Cole decided to break kayfabe by announcing that this all came about at the Money In The Bank PPV. This statement was incorrect. At MITB, Cara was slammed onto a ladder by Sheamus, thus being removed from the match itself, due to his 30 drug suspension. Cole mentioned it in the context of a rivalry built. This rivalry only came about much recently than that.

Those legs are perfectly sold for this simplistic yet
well worked rollup - even if it is a cheap win.

Breaking further into it, Cole mentioned an armdrag! So, Vince knows what one of those is?

One Positive about the masks, was that we couldn’t hear what instructions either were mouthing to each other, but we could tell from the motions very clearly. Chants of “Boring” rang from the crowd.

Spot came a minute too late

To dispel this chant, Cara Blue, know as Sin Cara Azul, performed a high spot on Sin Cara Black (Noir? Perhaps?) This was not mentioned, and therefore, sloppy, and biased. This high spot came just too late of the chants. Maybe it should have been performed earlier? Cara Azul launched to the Black Cara on the outside from the top turnbuckle.

To snag the win, Cara Azul gained a pinfall, in which, looked very weak, out of nowhere and a rollup. Neither had their masks removed or anything about their personas, which both were on the line in this match formation, exposed in any way shape or form to delivering the truth of the matter at hand.

David Otunga was seen backstage giving some “advice” to CM Punk. Fresh from giving legal advice just last week on Raw, Otunga is far from and IRS esq character and is still rather bland. Though the role is suited to him more so than not. Punk informed his former groupie that he did not need his tips, as he has his own mind to speak.

You know someone similar?

He told Otunga to “Vanish”.

Moving along….

WWE Unified Tag Team Championship

Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston (c) V Dolph Ziggler (US Champion) & Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero

Team Air Boom entered, to face team ZigSwag separately. Bourne came first, did his intro, then, after walking down the ramp went back up the ramp to stand next to Kingston as he entered. This looked sloppy and as if Ev was lost. It wasn’t a good start projected.

Vick n her boys. lucky gal. Or is she?

Vickie Guerrero, WWE’s greatest heel, boo’ed like mad, entered the arena to introduce her tandem. Both were sporting ‘new’ attire, (newer than the usual, basically) with Swagger in his darker blue singlet and Ziggler in rather shorter, up the crotch leather black tights. These are for sex appeal, however, just aren’t appealing. It’s a start, I suppose, and there is potential, however, it’s an overall package that must be transformed – otherwise known as “repackaging”. Too gain the gay vote and the girls, you will wants some tight tights showcasing your assets, with the brown/black hair and a persona that is going to be fairly interesting.

At this time, Ziggler, whom holds the US Title for no reason in terms of impact, is better off without it. This will refresh his new attitude and development, if he wants to grow, and it is appreciated that Ziggler makes intended efforts. But it isn’t connecting with the masses. WWE should allow the blonde locks to go as Ziggler looked a much better prospect for himself and the company when he debuted a new hair and tights style, before being re ordered to dress down and revert.

Booker T, on commentary, asked, “What can Ziggler do?” well, I’ve just told you. He mentioned this was “Tag Team Personification”. It was another weak win.

Kofi needs to turn.

A double powerbomb was attempted by Vickie’s former World Champions, aiming to slam Evan Bourne from the top turnbuckle from the top right corner, to which Bourne reversed in a split second making it all look rather anticlimactic, which then saw Kofi Kingston trip Ziggler’s foot on the outside (Ziggler pauses a second too long before the trip was initiated), allowing Bourne to tie up the pinfall for a successful defence of the tag titles.

World Heavyweight Championship

Hell In A Cell

Randy Orton V Mark Henry (c)

Mark Henry is one of those floaters that just won’t flush. Asking Randy Orton to job in this manner, at this magnitude, in a Hell In A Cell, a prospect designed to launch a star on the biggest platformed match WWE have, was a disgrace to the industry. WWE’s five star worker (Orton has been the only one to work Sheamus, Christian, Barrett, Punk, the Nexus and certain other newbies into a healthier position on the card, in terms of advancement to a all-round WWE entity) wasn’t allow much, if any, offence at all in this beat down.

A ‘comical’ moment, in which no one is truly laughing, saw the Champion, lie down on his back in the match for a breather period just 1 – 2 minutes in. A champion. Down in 2 mins? Commentary told us that Orton was wise “keeping Henry on his back in the first five minutes” Isn’t this, therefore an oversight if, the Worlds strongest man, a World Champion, is beaten down so easily? Surely a champion shouldn’t be booked this way? Surely he shouldn’t be champion, of course, but that’s another story – the Vince McMahon appreciation fund. (You get a pay off for 15 years of “service” because you are “liked”, yet untalented).

Booker T mentioned some girth! Yes please. It’s all about girth, not length people. We just didn’t want it from Henry. Anyone got a 9 inch viper?

Was asked of more than ever tonight, in the wrong way

This match, however could be argued that it was perfect for Henry. Empty breather spots – to re-catch his breath after being worn out quickly, along with one powerful manoeuvre – mentioned by commentary, was ideal for him.

He had “force and intensity”, after spending most of his time on his back or walking around. Steel steps were thrown. They missed. “Welcome to MY Hell!” Henry reiterated.

You should come to mine…

Orton was “physically dominated” – how disparaging for him. Destroying talent for a nobody is just brainless. Many others on the roster would have benefited, as well as the fact that Orton, should lose to someone who can be made from his ‘downfall’. You just lowered Orton’s public perception, and he’s the only talent bar Punk you have left to create talent for a new generation.

Orton was allowed a kick back. Literally. He jumped onto the cage structure, kicked free of Henry’s grasp, and then went on to prise Henry into a DDT in the ring off the ropes – that was a sight in itself.

All night Booker T refrained from his “Ooooohhhhhhhh!” but he let one go here. Randy Orton was allowed his signature move – the RKO! A devastating move that destroys and usually ends all in his path. He chose to make the ‘mistake’ of going for a punt kick. Henry managed to evade this and countered with the World’s strongest slam, in a very quick grab and slam, to gain the 1-2-3. Henry remains World Champion, to no reaction of interest from the WWE Universe.

WWE's 5 Star worker did the job.

Afterwards Mark planned to break Orton’s ankle with a chair drop whilst wrapped inside part of it. Henry missed his drop from the top turnbuckle, as intended, and Orton began retribution.

In the match, no. Outside of the Cell and after, Orton was allowed to use chair shots on Henry. Henry managed, after these, to kick Rand with a jab, before scrambling away. The Champion retreated. It was shambolic. Even Zack Ryder has more options than this. He has a fan base, can shift merchandise and peaks interest whilst having a chance at making a fresh outlook for the product. Henry must lose shortly, it is pitiful for any viewer to have hurled at them.

And no, I am not a Zack Ryder obsessive, I just realise the guy has markets and potential – something the ‘E seem to be missing.

WooWooWhere?

Josh Mathews now interviews Alberto Del Rio. In this brief chat, Alby tells us he will regaining and become WWE Champion once again. We shall see…

Cody Rhodes makes a shock announcement regarding the Intercontinental Championship. With two henchmen, Rhodes asks one to open his paper bag. Astonishing all the fans, Cody dumps the IC Title into it! Everyone assumed WWE just devalued him, the title and his gimmick. As quick as it dumped, the balance was restored. Cody Rhodes asked for the velvet bag, upon which he revealed the Classic White trimmed IC Championship. The new title belt is officially in play. It’s about time. It’s one thing to produce it, and another to keep it meaningful. Either way WWE plan to enhance ratings and money. But Rhodes is going to need more than the old title to make a new way forward. He needs WWE on board.

Johnny Ace instantly interrupted to which he apologised for. However, he claims HHH had initiated a match. His opponent…

Intercontinental Championship

Cody Rhodes (c) V John Morrison

Ace informed us HHH had sent John Morrison to challenge for Cody’s newly reproduced IC title. The thought of Morrison, whom has no transferable skills for todays over period, could not possibly be able to hold the title with purpose, for which the classic belt was reintroduced.

With the Intercontinental Championships classic lineage on the line, (Rhodes mentioned former greats upholding this including Mach Man Randy Savage & Bret Hart), Triple H may have done a fine job in ruining Rhodes even further. Breaking away from the legacy-DX days, Cody was made to look a fool.

There was a moment of this standard match when Cody, on the outside, hugged the ring post to initiate a count out, thus keeping the championship. This made him seem to be cowardous, weak, and pitiful. Rhodes deserved more than this, to become a dignified and upholding classic IC title wearer. It was the same burial of yesteryear for Rhodes as a standalone superstar. Rhodes won. And retained eventually. It was an empty win, as well as achieving boring status.

Classic IC prestige. Will take more than a new look...

The Be A Star bullying campaign hypocrisy continued on.

After this, we see Triple H on his phone, before Johnny L heads into Tripper’s office to say something, before they rush to the corridor to deal with an apparent outbreak of assault in the lockeroom. Someone is attacking AirBoom! At least we managed to see a snippet of Alex Riley in there, though he should’ve been booked on the card. Even he could have had a shot at Rhodes.

Here it comes…..

WWE Unified Women’s Championship

Beth Phoenix w/ Natalya V Kelly Kelly ( c ) w/ Eve

Bimbo Bimbo began throwing punches at the challenger before launching herself onto her with the Lou Thesz press, another legend decimated. It looked shabby once again. KK did her porn star screams once again, as always, with pounces here and there.

We were told Kelly had an “incredible reign”. So “incredible” that her whole reign hasn’t had one iota of personality, talent, skill, visual punctuation nor any form of tangibility. (As well as dumping all over the whole division and killing it off completely, whilst disgracing the entire roster of then and now – no one can aspire to the title after how she has portrayed it, She hasn’t bothered at all to work in the role).

Beth turned the action around over at the turnbuckle area, before placing defending champion Bimbo Bimbo into a submission hold. With a pin, drop and reverse, a kick to the midsection came from KK. Countered by Phoenix only to have KK counter back with a bulldog was non descript and unhinged in this “match”. Counters to mask KK’s weaknesses diluted its progression.

Barbie Blank says it all...

Then came a smash into the corner from an angry power-housed Phoenix. KK ‘sidestepped’ this with no problem and made Beth look foolish. She could have sold for her the amount of time Beth has worked her backside off for the untalented Kelly. It’s called wrestling ‘Ethics’.

KK followed it into the handspring back elbow. With events changing a turnbuckle drop on the arm, Natalya and Eve got fruity on the outside. Eve again went for Natty, to which Ms. Neidhart sent her into the ringside barricades silencing her from this match. Meanwhile Beth dropped the non entity onto the ropes with an invigorative drop.

Nothing ever fits her, it would seem...

Natalya took a house microphone wanting to hear Kelly’s screams. And we heard them all right. Again and again, all she can do in this role is wail like a banshee. Eventually Natalya had enough and hit her in the head with the microphone. Beth Phoenix then took the cover after the Glamslam, for a 3 fall and became the new WWE (Diva’s) Women’s Champion.

Yes. Vince McMahon allowed Beth a dirty win! Just one more slap in the face to Mr.Waltham is the sole reason McMahon did this. It was pathetic to try and make a ‘point’ to me. It undermines the fact you may just be clueless in how to operate certain parameters of the company for public output. And after all the work Phoenix had done over the last 3 months, she deserved a clean fall.

Finally, 3 months later, Vince quits playing games! (almost)

It is not even about Phoenix. It is about the legacy that has been harmed to the title and its predecessors. I can’t recall anyone being “proud” of how this 2011 farce has played out for the defunct women’s division – which deserves so much more. Either hire Max Waltham to run it, or start using your brain and not your ego. Thank You.

And the sooner Johnny Ace can be fired for looking through Venus swimwear magazines and giving her a role can't come quickly enough.

VP of No Talent Relations

The main event was in place.

WWE Championship

Hell In A Cell

Alberto Del Rio V John Cena (c) V CM Punk

The Title run is over....

Fresh off of a 2 week victory, no one believed John Cena would lose the WWE Championship tonight. Did he? Many wondered if this was a Rock/Cena building exercise. (Cena & The Rock will be on the same team at Survivor Series in the annual team’s matches).

Cena caused himself more embarrassment with a turnbuckle lift up disaster once again. Del Rio gave us a very sweet manoeuvre shortly after. This was a beautiful piece. Cena also at one point ‘jumped’ on Punk for a pinfall. Since when do you jump up to pin someone when Cena was in perfect distance to crawl and place hand over said body?

Punk delivered an elbow, with a kick to Cena’s skull. Cena applied the STF on Alberto. It was at this point the match was gearing its change. Del Rio threw in some chair shots at some point, on both men.

Ricardo Rodriguez came rushing down to open the steel cage door after removing the referee from play. John Cena was first on hand to greet Rodriguez and delivered him an Attitude Adjustment to the outside of the Cell.

Those legs, and silver :)

This was a mistake (intended) for Cena. Del Rio quickly capitalised on the commotion and locked Cena out of the Cell. As mentioned earlier, this Cell has a roof on it, meaning no one could get in. Not even Cena.

Many believe Cena will find a way back in.

Del Rio puts up border controls on Cena

Michael Cole claimed we had a new champion in our midst. Attempting to gain re-entry, Cena couldn’t find a way back in, and Ricardo swiftly slips a steel pipe into the Cell for Del Rio, as Cena, once again, took his eye off the ball.

With thou pipe, I crown thee....

Taunting the defending champ on the outside, Del Rio returned into the ring to deal with the third man. CM Punk fought valiantly, but to no avail, as Alby nailed Punk for a pinfall. The unthinkable occurred.

Alberto Del Rio regained the WWE Championship!

Everyone was astonished. Most thought Del Rio would have a monitor smashed over his head. (See McMahon's meltdown article, coming in a few days).

The amazement didn’t end there. The Awesome Truth returned once again to wreak more havoc. Hijacking the Cell and everyone inside it, they locked themselves in this time.

VP of Talent Relations and the COO, Johnny Ace and Triple H, came charging to the rescue. But they could not open the locked door. The whole WWE brass turned up and delivered scenes quite funny yet disturbing.

All talent were seen to be shaking the Cell to prise it open. It looked lie a massive WWE orgy! Frantic shaking of the steel structure, with HHH blaring commands as Johnny Ace on side trying to deal with this situation added to the humour of this angle, intended to be serious.

It was anarchy!

Bolt cutters were used to break the cell door open – they ain’t exactly PG are they? Upon this The Miz and R Truth willingly surrendered themselves over their actions.

Triple H broke the bullying campaign’s structured design. Walking out, cuffed and harmless, The Miz, walking past HHH, was viciously beat upon by the COO in an unprovoked attack. Triple H, was not one of the grieved men assaulted, and did exactly that to someone who caused him no harm.

Triple H just became corrupt.

He also accidentally hit Mr. Ace. Oops! The Game had to be held back in a closing angle that looked so daft with heavy breathing instances of tension.  For many, it was all about Triple H once again.

Christian’s evaporated status before he began on the card was demoralising. Sheamus gained nothing from his win. Henry looked childish. The Cara’s resolved nothing, making their match pointless. Air Boom was a waste of time – Kofi desperately needs that heel turn on Bourne. Randy Orton was devalued by the company. Cody Rhodes was buried with a victory. The Triple H – Johnny Ace lovefest is dragging. Beth Phoenix almost saved the night, until receiving a slap in the face for her efforts. And Del Rio was a pleasant surprise. Punk became a non entity.  So where are WWE going to lead us onto Vengeance? Only Del Rio and Phoenix stood out. With the rest of the roster looking shaky off the eve of this PPV, you have to wonder if WWE can place serious contenders into spots that will develop the company, its fanbase and the characters themselves. Can any feuds occur of the bat of this for new, fresher talent? It seems the answer would be no, but if WWE found itself pencilling in names outside of the box, they would be the one’s to benefit.

PPV Rating – 6/10

Men/Women of their matches – Christian, Sin Cara (Black), Dolph Ziggler, Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Beth Phoenix, Alberto Del Rio

Man/Woman of the PPV – Beth Phoenix

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©  Max Waltham 05th October 2011