Friday, 2 November 2012

WWE Hell In A Cell 2012

WWE Hell In A Cell 2012

Coming live from the Philps Arena in Atlanta on Sunday October 28th the fourth annual instalment of the named PPV took place. Would it create new feuds, rise stock in stars and value championships in a spiralling decline for TV ratings? How far have this company come in  year since last? 

Randy Orton Vs Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez

Beginning the PPV, Orton started action swiftly. Ambushing Del Rio, Orton sends him to the outside, to the announce table. Orton soon returned to the ring to dominate Rio with fierce stomps, kicks and uppercuts wearingdown until Del Rio retaliated, though Orton silenced once more. After exchanges, Bertie soon has Orton on the apron. Further intense action outside then returns inside seeing Alberto use a standing Americana arm lock. Rand breaks it at the corner as Rio climbs.  

Rio counters with an armbar locked over the top rope wen Orton attempts to knock Rio off the turnbuckle.  Unique technique and further strength to both in this tale. Del Rio soon claims a two fall only. After strong ground work and submissions galore, these two are capable of a longer submission match at some point, possibly TLC.

Another arm rope lock try from Rio fails by Orton. Ricardo aims to help his master, who wants no support and soon receives a clothesline for his efforts. Rio rolls a cross arm breaker, which Orton finds a rope break on. Reverse neckbreaker and set up for rope plunge DDT, Rio quickly reverses with snake eyes, which then sees the Mexican aristocrat and his servant mock the Viper. Bertie plans an RKO himself, which Orton halts into the DDT drop. Rand goes for an RKO but seemingly feels pain in his arm pounding the mat. 

Rio evades the move, as Randy catches a heavy scoop slam. Orton takes to the top now, though sways turbulently as Rio knocks him off. Rio went to the top, making a blooper missing a move correctly.

Rio flings his opponent to the corner post, though steadies himself before hitting the steel as Rio looks on. Rodriguez grabs the injured arm and slams into the post. ADR then capitalises with a cross arm breaker to work over the arm. The crowd are red hot with enthusement on this one. Del Rio quickly charged at Orton with a step up turnbuckle back kick to Randy, who instantly planted an RKO to Del Rio as he turned mid air. There was no way Del Rio could return from that and Randy Orton covered for a three fall to win the match in a stonking opener.

Tag Team Championship

Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow Vs Kane and Daniel Bryan ( c )

Sandow’s training under the late Killer Kowalski was acknowledged. Triple H, a former disciple of Kowalski, is said to be happy with his personal project of reforming the tag team division, with two teams and his ego choice Sin Cara floating around.

Rhodes works down Bryan’s arm, as JBL highly puts Rhodes over with his accomplishments in Mariettea as a 101-2 stat record. This may not be true as WWE falsify numbers every so often and has the WWE Universe speculating, though if true, regardless some respect that notion.

Sandow had a cover. Intellectually annoyed he claims “That was three!” as Kane cheers from the sidelines “Goatface, Let’s Go!” to which Bryan responds with a return. 

Almost placing the YES! Lock, now NO! Lock, though doesn't happen and rams Sandow into the post. Kane gets the hot tag as fans chant “Yes!” Kane soon clears house. Kane attempts the high flying clothesline but is distracted by Sandow allowing Rhodes to equal the balance. Rhodes missed a superplex as Kane nailed the flying clothesline this time and followed with a chokeslam attempt. Bryan blind tags in with a diving headbutt. Bryan takes a cover of two before infuriated Kane rips Bryan off the cover. Kane was throughly frustrated his partner blindsided him for a victory to claim he was the tag team champions. With dysfunction rife, Sandow pulls Kane out the ring as they argued. Bryan backdropped Cody into Kane outside. Oops. Bryan then went for his knee attacks, though accidentally nails Kane! Oh dear. Kane almost attacks Bryan. Baseball slides from Rhodes Scholars delivered. Bryan went mad with attacks. Kane was livid and decked everyone. With that, Team Rhodes Scholars gained the win by DQ. Oh dear… Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow got the win via DQ. A terrible result to what was a consistently pleasing tag match.


Intercontinental Championship

Kofi Kingston ( c ) Vs The Miz

Aiming to sell The Marine 3, Miz had a backstage promo. Good promo man, unnecessary of interest tonight, though. Subject material non pleasing for audience.

Jovial Kingston provides fair technical approach and bounce.  Miz controls early on with a Boston Crab dominance aiming to regain the IC championship. Working down Kofi’s legs to halt his spring, Kingston soon sends Miz out of the ring after regaining his power to remain champ. Miz re-entered a booming Trouble in Paradise, ending the match and Miz’s hopes of regaining the title. Re-match to finish the story was needed. Now Miz can hopefully move away in his new chapter to resurface in the headliner status for the future. Kofi Kingston remains Intercontinental champion.

United States Championship

Antonio Cesaro ( c ) Vs Justin Gabriel

Gabriel, who earned a title match on Raw before the PPV as a last minute booking, “earned” a right to challenge. They needed someone at least. Swiss beefy milkman Cesaro cut a slice of promo to tantalising effect. Ceasaro gave a strong German suplex throw, which Gabriel landed on his feet from, which showed how Cesaro put Gabe over. Though the audience felt Gabriel was indeed a jobber, Antonio sold him to the highest level of competition. For a minute in some minds, he looked as though he was capable of winning the title with some audience watchers.

Gabe returned with a spinning heel kick, gaining some momentum. Moonsault from Gabriel followed with a pin which most felt derogatory to Cesaro for being a great worker raising title prestige and a random guy gets a strong pin. All the same, Cesaro understood opponents are needed to challenge so that there aren't squash matches that ruin the title and the wrestler’s prospects akin to the Ryback formula. No true star should ever be carried. For this both are earning respect in the sport from their esteemed dedication.

Gabriel soon made high flying mistake of launching himself to Cesaro how responded with a fantastic uppercut strike downing Gabriel instantly. The crowd loved it. Antonio Cesaro covered for a three fall and remains the United States championship in a surprisingly good match for the two entering on downplayed terms to audience minds.

Cesaro soon ended this with a gripping, powerful and expert Neutralizer finisher which was wonderful in every aspect. The deliverance and timing was perfect.

Impromptu match
Tag Team

Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio Vs The Prime Time Players

A late, additional and unscheduled booking saw Triple H’s Sin Cara take on Vince McMahon’s Prime Time Pricks, steroid injector Darren Young and no hoper, unable to work, Titus O’Neil. Still unable to run into a ring post, a basic move, would O’Neil's greatest move, his bark and strutting around the ring in terrible fashion make a scene here? No one cared. This was your toilet break, kids.

This match was boring, had no interest and same standard placement we have seen on Raw and Smackdown. It had no place. One moment outside, it seemed Sin Cara may have been injured (again) as ref’s tended to him, raised arm amidst the confusion. If it’s not Rey, it’s Cara. It is hard to envisage they have much future in WWE in the coming years. Neither can seem to find their stride.

Junkie muscle man Darren Young had no respect and mocked with a booty shake not for heel purposes, but only to be annoying to others for certain reasons. The crowd loudly booed, sending a clear message to WWE after Cara gut kicked him. No-one wanted this match and those who hadn't headed to the toilet, didn't want to sit there through this tiresome match booking.

O’Neil soon runs into the turnbuckle steel post, who would have though it!? in a dire portrayal once again. Fire them. Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara won to a non interest, boring match only allocated for passing the time on PPV. No one wanted a backstage ego match. It wasted their time. Two tag matches on PPV was also too much to bear.

World Heavyweight Championship

Sheamus ( c ) Vs Big Show

Neither entered into a Hell in a Cell match-up as some expected, and having a six week build up, seemingly put together at the last minute, HHH’s protégé took on Vince McMahon’s favour. The Brogue Kick verses the Knockout Punch for the World title played out.

The start of this match was slow, and had numerous bad sells from Big Show, naturally, though Sheamus wasn’t forgiven either, with some terrible exchanges. Neither man can work. Neither should have been in the challenge. Though WWE’s problem is it feels it has no one able to fill those positions. Not much actually happened wrestling wise, and had timing issues, where both competitors took breather spots. Big Show did a couple of moves, exerted himself, then rested before doing another planned ‘thing’ as Sheamus took the fall to recover himself and opponent and think of the next plan in the ring to carry out. Shortly, the role would reverse and Big Show would take his turn on the mat as Sheamus was a-symmetrical in their match structure. It was diabolical.

Classed as just holding each other, with a soon two fall from Show, which felt like the first cover in an entirely devoid timescale, a DDT/Jump swing thing countered from Sheamus. It was just awful. Show retaliated with a chokeslam on the champion. A tedious drain on the audience took its toll. Sheamus attempted another of his expanded move repertoire with the Texas Cloverleaf submission giving him a “fifth move” upgrade. With unrealistic clumpy arms and the matches off with reality in match portrayal, one got up and attacked as soon as hit and another broke a pin after a severe move in seconds that normally would have ended the contest and other wrestlers. Sheamus, with his synonymous “running knees” donated by Triple H, the champ went for the White Noise finisher, a backbreaker similar to the John Cena Attitude Adjustment, which is also a backbreaker variation. He acquired a two count on Big Show.

Wasn't celebrating on Ireland's National
Holiday on post HIAC Raw.
Show, who countered a Brogue Kick, planted a mass KO punch in a terrible tiny sidestep as Sheamus lunged forward to back elbow punch Sheamus in the head. The unthinkable occurred as Big Show won the World title with a three count. Only now, after a second KO punch could Show claim the gold. Terrible booking, unrealistic and dire. There was no engagement, no good transitions and lack of star quality. Simply two dudes who are tall and muscly with no brains nor style. Big Show, in case you forgot is a Raw superstar who won a Smackdown title for the second time breaking the rules of title brand contendership with the Daniel Bryan saga early in the year, and the Mark Henry episodes exactly last year. The company continue to recycle old habits every year, where nothing changes, ever. Big Show took the title from a champion who was treading water. From one dud to another.

Dolph Ziggler, who stated he would win and leave as World champ, upon Big Show's victory, chose not to come.

Wooooooooooooo! He looks like Ric Flair, doesn't he?

Booker T was seen backstage with Hoeski Eve.

Teddy Long, Zack Ryder, dressed as a witch and Santino had a few words. Santino who came dressed as a barb wired, metallic, turkey foiled, misplaced coathanger gave a rendition of Born This Way. That’s right. He was Lady Gaga! After discussing the Hoeski’s treatment of Kaitlyn’s assault at the Night of Champions PPV, yes it is really dragging that one out, rather tirelessly, Zack Ryder, as a witch, claimed Eve was one too. Teddy said she was “one letter off” as they all giggled about it. One letter off, hmmm, Witch? With? Itch? Tchi? Who Knows… Ron Simmonds restored order. “Damn!”

Vince McMahon was in his office on his cell phone. Punk ordered McMahon to call off the PPV. “Beg your pardon?” Vinnie asked. Asking Punk if he was “intimidated and fearful” of Ryback, Punk should prove himself by taking him on the chairman added. Prove to everybody he was the best in the world. Punk left the room.

Hoeski alert!

Hoeski Eve

Unified Women’s Championship

Kaitlyn Vs Eve ( c ) Vs Layla

Yeah Girl! Layla does the funky chicken!

Unable to witness Beth Phoenix receive a proper last match after an expert outing on Smackdown a few weeks ago, the WWE’s future Diva’s division was formulated.

Mmm She smells good to me.
What Perfume you use?
Coc*o Chanel!

EeeeeeVee is a Hoeski! She's got everything you want, and everything you need... Layla danced into the ring, while Kaitlyn with a sound of K-Pop, perhaps, and some massive breasts! Cor Blimey. Getting a flashback, Kaitlyn, which WWE have forgotten and allowed a second felony in its baby-faced walls, told us Kaitlyn admitted going through Eve’s iPad to take a picture. Michael Cole later told us it was some classified information or whatever that exposed Eve as the culprit in Kaitlyn’s dragged out attack. Eve might want to read out the Data Protection Act. We never saw the pic.

Cor Blimey! She got some knockers on her...

After a long replay of all three having a scuffle backstage, the match finally began. Shove with Layla, Kaitlyn clothesline, and a two on one to Eve in a calculated double team, both girls sought retribution on Eve. Layla soon shoved Kaitlyn in a breakdown after Eve was down. Both hooked Eve’s legs in a disgusting display where both Eve’s legs were apart and exposed to the audience, away from hard camera.

She WONT be nominated for the Wrestling Wonders
Open Legs award

The two models soon went at it with pins and against one another before Eve dropkicked Kailtyn, then working over her ankle, which was injured, remember. A boring submission soon occurred. Fans were not interested at all. Kicks, Layla, and “ahhhhhhhhh” screams of the Bimbo era returned. They had to make their own noises, because the audience weren't making any interest whatsoever.

A run jump pin on Eve with leverage on the turnbuckles then into a flip over splits had Eve’s legs wide open again, this time alongside Layla. With both split legs signalling more disgrace and detriment to the female division clearly stated by those in charge how this division should be seen, and deconstructing its females as worthless in the process, Kaitlyn then banged both their heads together. Eve disappeared in the blink of an eye as Kaitlyn worked over Layla into a submission. At least Kaitlyn seemed to be trying, but it wasn't enough to change the stance of this division.

Cole said she would claim a first Divas title, seemingly, meaning she would not win. A primal scream howled, while a few mimic howls came from the audience in order to humour themselves to pass the time consisting of “Ooowwww!”

Kaitlyn covered Eve for a roll up out of nowhere. Bulldog returned by Layla. Kailtyn elbowed Layla then turnbuckle kicks. Roll up, to a pump handle slam from Kaitlyn in a pleasing effort. Eve clambered to the top turnbuckle as Kaitlyn was dealing this to Layla, unbeknownst to them. Eve, a high flyer, apparently, flipped her Moonsault onto the back of Kaitlyn and Layla down on the ground, botching, of course, and then pinned a flattened Layla to retain the championship.

Instantly a quick cut to advert of WWE ’13 videogame was implemented. Not even a chance to digest the match which was rather tedious.

She came, and she went.

Big Show, as champion, cut a Josh Mathews interview with drivel about being "you’re worst nightmare” in the same old speech every year. Christmas is coming soon.

Matt Striker was on the scene as Sheamus was being tended to in the back as mousey Striker whispered of the exclusive. More when he has it. WWE never cut back to him afterwards.

WWE has no people left to push.

The fifteen year anniversary of the Hell in a Cell was explained. It “made legends.” WWE put Ryback into the main event.

WWE Championship
Hell In A Cell

CM Punk ( c ) w/ Paul Heyman Vs Ryback

Ryback is proof enough that WWE can put someone into the spotlight at the drop of a hat, if it wants to. This just proves how backward WWE are at pushing new talent and creating new stars. They just can’t be bothered and prefer income only.

Ryback is undefeated. Punk is champion. The question? How to retain both statuses and have a clean cut decision?

Hi Brad. How are you?

Punk, now at 343 days as WWE champion in a half way valid and mostly worthless reign in terms of defences and match worth, defended his accessory against the man hungry ‘beast’ Goldback. Chants of “Goldberg” rang from the crowd. From Sin City, aptly described, the feed me chants are only said for two reasons. One - to have something to get through the PPV time and his annoying entrance, succumbing to pier pressure at an event to seem part of the social grouping and Two -  because John Cena isn’t there and those are his fans endorsing because of the affiliation of Cena’s “mouth in ass syndrome” to Ryback. #MonkeyLips

Brad Maddox was inserted as referee. Only those with a brain understood why he was there.

The match started. Circling each other, a clothesline attempt, ducked by Punk, then caught into a clutch hold throw back into the ropes which was a terrible move for WWE to allow, seeing as it had the whole ‘Justin Roberts - Daniel Bryan - Nexus Tie farce’ during Linda’s senate campaign, which she is trying for once again this year. Good luck with that.

Meathead Ryback soon ran into Punk’s leg upon a chase, though Punk was soon hurled out the ring to the in between of the cell next to the ring. Looking to wearily escape, Punk rattling the chain, soon felt the wrath of Ryback as the bulked baldie into the steel. Steve Austin he aint. Using the steel, legal in a HIAC match, needed something else to rise above. Punk quickly clambered under the ring, after Ry looked toward Paul Heyman, separated by the cell. Searching for crawling Punk, CM spluttered Ryback with his Punk blasting white foamy liquid from a fire extinguisher out over Ry’s face.

Punk soon introduced a steel chair. It bounced off of Ryback. *Zzzz* and planted into the skull of Punk. It was a bad exchange, to say the least. Ryback also kicked the chair into the face of the defending champ.

Uttering “Feed Me” as he manhandled CM Punk, the champ got Ryback over in the match, something Ryback couldn’t do elsewhere. Punk later launched a top rope clothesline lariat to the block of bulk. Punk’s hatred got Ryback cheers, not Ryback’s accomplishments.

JBL pointed out Ryback’s botch, everyone clearly saw. Punk had too much top rope turnbuckle hopping, from one corner to the next until caught. Soon with a heel kick to the face, Heyman, through the steel told Punk to “ Capitalise” as there was nobody like CM Punk.

“Goldberg” sign was seen. Most people are a “Goldberg guy.”

High running knee from Punk came, with heightened elbow drops and a kendo stick for good measure mocking the “Feed Me” chant in another display to get lukewarm Ryback over further. Cena’s fans lapped it up instantly with chants. Only Cena’s fans, but hey, WWE will blindly take it. They have nothing else.

With a “Shell Shock” the official name of Ryback’s trumpet marching backbreaker, referee Brad Maddox nailed Ryback in the goolies with a low blow! CM Punk hastily received a three fall count and cowardly retained the WWE Championship, inside the cell. 

Eat this!

Hey, cameraman, get a shot of my ass... :)

However, they were still locked in. Panicking frantically, Punk tried to unlock the padlocked door on the cell. Ryback easily and quickly rose from the depths of no sell (not even a chance for Punk to celebrate) and hunted down the referee. Maddox was in trouble now. He was thrown into the cell and tossed round like a rag doll. We cannot wait to see Brad Maddox in tights. Speedo ones, of course. Mmmm.

Screw Punk, quick Brad, get out of there! Now!!!

Run, Run, Run!!

Punk managed to open the cell door and stumble out as Heyman on the flip side dragged the champ out, though Ryback was too quick with his slowed down bulky physique. He grabbed Punk as Heyman hightailed it with the title as the hungry beast etched forward for his prey. Before Ryback could return, Punk scurried up the top of the cell to avoid Ryback, who climbed in pursuit. Punk then fell and bounced over the centre hole on the cell roof. Shades of Mankind/Undertaker/Rikishi nostalgia rose from the audience. Would Punk be tossed off or plunged through the square hole beneath? No. Ryback simply gave him a backbreaker on the cell roof. Technically, it is a) too dangerous and b) Ryback is undeserving to maim Punk for a quick, cheap pop. He hasn’t earned that right. Punk can only main event for thirteen minutes, and only when Ryback is top of the bill. Big Show/Sheamus lasted the longest on the card roughly at twenty minutes.
Baldie birds eye
view. Eww.

Ryback looked lame and of a lost action figurine devoid of any star appeal. It was pointless, had no interest and was a lame end to a PPV that failed to remember to acknowledge CM Punk as champion, Ryback as a star it intended to make, and levels of transformation to lead into the next month of TV building.

PPV Rating – 4/10

Men/Women of their matches – Randy Orton, Damien Sandow, Kofi Kingston, Antonio Cesaro, Sin Cara, Sheamus, Kaitlyn, CM Punk

Man/Woman of the PPV – Brad Maddox

Brad Maddox clearly stole the PPV. Capable of wrestling and cleverly introduced as referee initially has benefited. Once in those speedo tights, audience will lap him up. The Brad Maddox era has a chance to begin if WWE push it. Should be thrust into the spotlight. If CM Punk couldn’t beat Ryback, and Ryback was beat by Brad, then that demonstrates Maddox is better and deserving to be a main event, championship contender. Find ways to integrate into main event strongly, or even transfer Ziggler’s case to him. Though Maddox should be lined towards WWE title.

Ryback is not cutting it. He will never be ready despite the look. He is only over due to John Cena and CM Punk’s rivalry and being carried by it as a substitute who did not earn one right to contendership. The flunky with no talent, nor charisma is a flop, and would be so as champion. Remember Vladimir Kozlov?

Punk sold the match well, but continued to look a coward and fool. Punk, as champion, is becoming tired out. Defences meaningless and daily holding meaning nothing, Punk needs to ignite passion in his feuds. Opponents are necessary.

Dolph Ziggler will never be ready to win the title. Either transfer the case or make him the first briefcase contract holder to lose. Though losing would be pointless, it will stop the assumption everyone wins. If he does lose, then those that could have received the case need to have strong pushes into mainstream status. I can tell you who to make as the new batch with the old batch, but, WWE don’t pay me, yet, so until they offer something, declining figures cometh…

If WWE are trying to re-mold Kaitlyn into the Kelly Kelly clone they would be foolish. Kaitlyn is a terrible worker as are all divas bar Natalya and Tamina. If WWE are serious then they would give her the space on TV, as they are doing, but add a wrestler into the mix. Nattie and Tammi have been shafted more than enough. If Aksana is credible in skills to learn, then insert her also. Kaitlyn tried in the match, and was the best overall of the three, though has mountains to climb. Should not be rushed and given strength and not Kelly Kelly/Bimbo Bimbo-ism’s if going to maintain some being to her core. 


Damien Sandow has had the clone of Max Waltham inserted among his being. Able to make the role pleasing, Sandow backs up his being with skill in ring. Added with Rhodes the pair are excellent together. Though disheartening for the top tier prospect to disappear, WWE could have, and still may be able to keep their partnership and place them in contendership up top, if it wanted to. Again, it doesn't know how to do that. I do. You’re Welcome!

Big Show’s title victory was another sore point. Given as a loyalty package for his years of service, and the fact he is tall and weighty, and Vince McMahon’s favoured ‘look’ is exactly the same format and reasoning for Mark Henry’s last year run. Exactly the same space, time and storyline. Recycled roles ruin the business more than they realise. Sheamus is a dire champion and character, and needs to improve or disappear. Real prospects need to be added to create a future. WWE proved it is continually backward and will never learn to change, which is why fans are simply leaving the product. If WWE don’t care, why should the fans it sucks the money out of with no return on their “entertainment” values?

Sin Cara and Mysterio are sadly liabilities. They need time off, to fully rest, given a strong match planned out structure that doesn't limit them and protect themselves, as WWE are at a losing point with them. The Prime Time Junkies need to go. They cannot work, are only there to prove a point of non importance to certain people, only booked for demographic, which in itself is borderline racist contradiction, and simply, they cannot draw.

Miz set Kingston up perfectly to hold the title in transferred lines that allows Miz to leave the hunt and have frontman Kingston attain a different and credible outlook.

Randy Orton proved ever an epic star once more. Randy worked with Del Rio expertly and Orton’s track record of making people work well to high profile feuds and seem to be their equal in the match is a talent no one else can muster. As we continually recount “WWE would be lost without him.”

Antonio Cesaro is the other superstar that can be counted on to work other stars as his equal and raise title credentials and do it with value. Radiating heat and a focal point for many in all areas, Cesaro is another pleasing prospect that should build high heritage for the US title and not lose it randomly. While this is going on, WWE should be thinking plans to launch Cesi to future heavyweight domination. Of course, WWE haven’t even begun thinking ahead, as usual.

Miz, Orton and Cesaro are WWE’s key players. Punk and Maddox are propping up the future, alongside Sandow and Rhodes. The rest are non-existent. This is a dangerous sign and yet a very talented outlook if WWE were able to figure out what to do. Lose the pride, think business mind. November is a UK tour right? Contact details are available on page tabs. Meetings are not out of the question.

Seeing as WWE only booked one and barely use the structure, perhaps it is time to remove the name of HIAC from the PPV. It has lived out its usefullness. One tip I will give, dont rename it "Cage." WWE Cage, coming live on PPV to a home near you! 

WWE need to figure a way to spark a future and no one in the company can figure this out as much as they would like to think so. They have the money, resources and outreach. If they cared about their business they would figure a way to create a future without ruining its ever precious image. It’s 2013.

© Max Waltham 02nd November 2012

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