WWE Elimination Chamber 2017
WWE decided to re-install its useless chain-metal structure, the Illumination Chamber, into the middle of its Wrestlemania build up, which often gives a foregone, predictable conclusion. Tonight, the odds are on Bray Wyatt to defeat John Cena to advance as champion to Randy Orton's Wrestlemania ticket from the Royal Rumble last month. After the trolling from Roman Reigns in the Rumble, would WWE continue such a decision on the fans or move forward with sturdier plans?
Let's find out. Elimination Chamber was presented live on Pay Per View on Sunday February 12th, from the Talking Stick Resort in Phoenix, Arizona, exclusive to the Smackdown brand.
Becky Lynch Vs Mickie James
|Rockin' the Skeletal skan look.|
Returning bed-hopper of the lockeroom and outdated, haggard waster Mickie James was given another freebie from Triple H on the NXT playground, one entry to call up favouritism package, which was another useless exercise. James' interactions with Lynch, a mildly ignorant Pretty Wrong Girl against highly ignorant non-entity James was as tepid as it comes. Fresh from the TNA asylum, James' laboured, sloppy and botch prone antics, whilst stalling for moments with Lynch were unappealing to the highest core. Eventually, in this opening waste on the card where neither star encouraged the PPV and just made up the numbers, Becky Lynch won in another pointless victory that does nothing for WWE, the divas on Smackdown or its brand.
2 on 1 Handicap
Dolph Ziggler Vs Apollo Crews and Kalisto
As if it couldn't get any worse for jobber Dolph Ziggler, who has been an ignorant in the past, was served two weak and pathetic losers who have achieved nothing in WWE to try and waste more time on the card. Smackdown doesn't seem to have any of its priorities in place of what would actually enhance an audience.
The uber green block muscle with a set of pearly white gnashers and a tempestuous mosquito flying monkey were not the exclamation points WWE desperately needed to excel its ailing ratings and brand pittance.
After ore jumping from acrobatic goon Kalisto and Crews trying to move around the ring without botching, being completely clumsy and mistimed with Ziggler's co-ordination, Ziggler was exposed as he is. All jobber standards here, but for Ziggler, Apollo Crews and Kalisto defeated him in a nonsense match that had no essence. No-one cared, and this was a perfect opportunity to reach for the bathroom.
WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship
Tag Team Turmoil
American Alpha (c) Vs The Vaudevillians, Vs Breezeango Vs Heath Slater and Rhyno Vs The Uso's Vs The Ascension
Usually in Tag Team Turmoil, there is a strong chance the titles will change hands, but for WWE this was another 'throw all the tag teams we have out there' for a quick run through of a pointless defence. WWE once again are too tired out with ideas and should not have placed this dumb stipulation on it.
After winning the tag titles in a random house show from Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton, which was a 'blink and you'll miss it' moment for a growing team such as the Alpha's (And Triple H once again rearing his turtle head into a selfie to brag of NXT again for shameless self promotion) the momentum was substandard.
Heath Slater and Rhyno left first followed by Breezeango, The Vaudevillains, The Uso's and the The Ascension where American Alpha retained the gold. It was a wasted opportunity, which simply had a few moments, some buzz and failed to utilise the roster tag division properly once again.
It was a nothing match once more.
Natalya Vs Nikki Bella
This one was a glorified waste of time.
Natalya took it to Nikki Bella very well and the paid had a decent run through despite some sloppy moments. Eventually it ended in a double count-out, which was another huge slap in the face of fans paying to sit through this show at home and in attendance.
Randy Orton Vs Luke Harper
Randy Orton defeated Luke Harper in a generous and fulfilling match on the card, due to Orton's workable psychology. Though the built up card was somewhat letting the side down in that momentum to this slight pick me up.
WWE Smackdown Women's Championship
Naomi Vs Alexa Bliss (c)
WWE finally booked the best female on the Smackdown roster, Naomi with credible competition in Alexa Bliss for a worthy championship battle. Filled with intense action, shocking moments and technical skills the pair put on a powerful match-up that fully delivered by was slightly marred by being in the bathroom break slot. WWE only dedicated eight minutes to it and could have put it on first, to fully capitalise on both performers.
Both stars worked each other perfectly and both have support in either corner with fans and critics, which has taken WWE years of waiting to finally put improved and funky fresh superstar Naomi at the top of the female pecking order. The pair should both be proud of their match up which was the best match before the main event.
John Cena (c) Vs AJ Styles Vs Baron Corbin Vs Bray Wyatt Vs Dean Ambrose Vs The Miz
After getting his tied 16th title reign to copy Ric Flair, John Cena, caretaker title holder, defended his title in a six man melee of pain and destruction. Would he make it out unscathed or would SuperCena finally meet his match? Fans were skeptical of McMahon's classic trolling and kneejerk decisions in recent booking with the rug pulled from underneath fans and performers.
Baron Corbin has been a failed concept since Wrestlemania last year with no direction but was lucky to make it into the battle. WWE were still too weak to push forth the greatest over wrestler in WWE for months, James Ellsworth. Another failed opportunity to realising what was red hot months ago.
Baron Corbin was the first to go, after making up the numbers. Dean Ambrose hurriedly sent him out as The Miz once more wimpishly got a quick, sneaky attack in to send Dean Ambrose back to the showers too. The fast pace action and messy interactions slowed a little for three minutes until The Miz met with the Attitude Adjustment from John Cena to leave the match.
The match became more interesting now with Cena, Styles and Wyatt. Triple H, Vince McMahon and the hybrid shell of WWE's interpretation of the Max Waltham essence as its final three options. After their failed actions and hatred, despite it really paining them to do it, both WWE bigwigs knew it had no other option. Though Bray Wyatt is no level me, under WWE's manipulated mess of failures.
Cena landed another AA. this time on Wyatt as he and Styles continued their repeat match ups with finishers and counters galore. It's a bit old and dated now. They took near falls, as is typical routine. Stuntman Styles was always predictably on hand to climb atop the Chamber pod to do a acrobatic monkey spot as is always Styles' pitiful repertoire of lacking wrestling action. We all need an expendable moment, don't we? Thanks for coming. Shock! Instead of the predictable moments it was actually John Cena who did all of the above spot monkey moments. That's new! AJ Styles in John Cena. How thrilling.
Cena splashed Styles hard as Bray Wyatt caught John Cena's silly stunt opportunity to get slammed with the move of the night that steered hope as Sister Abigail smashed John Cena to elimination. WWE didn't really care about the title reign, anyways, so make it look interesting, huh? Cena once again, was protected from being pinned and added an air of mystery to crown a new champion.
AJ Styles and Bray Wyatt would duke it out for the final leg to lift the title. Old or new? Bray Wyatt had more enthusiasm and energy than Styles as AJ once more landed a jumping 450 splash once more. Zzzzz. Wyatt caught him mid-air in the Forearm smash attempt and then whacked a heavy Sister Abigail on AJ Styles as Bray Wyatt covered him to finally win the outdated WWE Championship.
PPV Rating - 2/10
Men/Women of their matches - Becky Lynch, Dolph Ziggler, Chad Gable, Natalya, Randy Orton, Naomi, Bray Wyatt
Man/Woman of the PPV - Bray Wyatt
Bray Wyatt was only chosen when all option were exhausted and by this time of WWE's stalling, the buzz has been lost. They want the Waltham style, but Wyatt took too long with WWE's hateful messing around that cost the audience its real wrestling values and entertainment needs. Triple H's failed ignorant hiring's and Vince McMahon having to wade through the sludge of making a product from it proved as costly as ever, where no new stars continue to mar WWE's failed direction for nearly a decade now. The rambling nonsense of Wyatt's misdirected and WWE scripted promos and being have failed to enlighten the business and cannot be developed to a good extent despite WWE dropping the ball multiple times. A few fans support only because they are sick of TNA ignorant budget monkey Styles and WWE favourite John Cena. WWE will never fail to realise these are serious problems that affect its audience.
Cena was protected by the WWE machine and has never lost directly by submissions and carefully avoiding as many pinfalls as possible in multi man matches. Styles was old and boring but WWE felt it once again had no one else, which is why he won previously by default. WWE failed to move with Ellsworth over the last three months, either. The Miz and Dean Ambrose were no options and Baron Corbin is just a useless mannequin.
After Royal Rumble, if it wasn't obvious enough, WWE's Wrestlemania card was leaked and so drastically obvious. WWE have failed to move in the last few months and kept everyone standing still only to move everything off everyone at the last minute which once more shows just how lazy and lame WWE is at booking decisions today. Fans truly believe it is as clueless as TNA's booking calamity in Dixie Carter, reborn in Triple H and guiding Vince McMahon to a complete WWE washout. Vince McMahon has boasted of his earnings recently being up for the company. Despite this WWE thinks this is a protection that means it product doesn't need to change. Interestingly, WWE show ratings are down, yet the social media footprint, Vince says is now his importance, is high? How can you have low ratings and high discussion of the show on Social Media? Hmmm... Nielsen has been fudging the numbers for WWE for years. They pay them. Shhh.... Don't say that out loud. Either way, Vince, the ratings aren't going to plan, no matter how you try to smooth over your interpretation. Fans are not stupid anymore, either. Time to think long and hard dear. Mail me. You're Welcome!
The Tag Team division, as mentioned above, is just a wasteful disaster that fills time. Sadly, there is a lot of talent in there. Whatever.
Dolph Ziggler has clearly upset WWE somewhere. We can relate. Anyway, who cares? Ziggler has been boring for three years now, but to lose to a couple of random, green nobodies? Hilarious. Ziggler should consider retirement. No other company will benefit him.
Natalya held their match together but it was all for nothing, as per usual.
Randy Orton did the same to guide Luke Harper to a decent match, but was simply throwaway.
Becky Lynch and another walking STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) just like trashy Goth hoe Paige in Mickie James was not something WWE can honestly be proud of. Why these decisions on Triple H's moronic hiring spree of ignorance is further proof WWE have no clue and are committed to use a troubling thing from the past which won't move WWE forward. Triple H is his own worst enemy writing those blank cheques his butt cannot cash. Becky Lynch is also a non-entity and no-one cares for her to be anything, either. This should have been on the pre-show, if at all on the card.
Naomi finally won the gold and is the hottest property on the Smackdown roster thus far, why it took so long for WWE to do so, is such an amazing miracle that makes the direction of WWE's titles (too many, and it wants more) somewhat misguided. This was the best match of the night before the grand battle in the Chamber, which Alexa Bliss also performed with well.
WWE need to get its priorities in place and really start thinking for its tepidly calamitous future it clearly won't have. Wrestling is in further decline in 2017 and beyond and it really won't excel with another 'fu*k you' attitude by those who need some real writers, creative's and actual people who benefit the company long-term. Ego will be WWE's constant downfall. Fans are already finding alternatives yet again and won't be a glutton for punishment again and again. Other things to do with their time, which they will be rewarded for, are out there.
Wrestlemania fast approaches, and although WWE want it to be its grand experience weekend as it will do, WWE are losing the full momentum and not realising what will make it fail. Another Wrestlemania failure in recent memory is not going to prove handsome for WWE faithfuls, as the show has constantly been underperforming for years.
Get it together. It's all going downhill again. Nothing ever seems to change, but nothing ever will unless McMahon re-discovers what made him and his company so great when one soul entity came along to boost the entire industry.
© Max Waltham 13th February 2017
All Rights Reserved