Monday, 22 August 2016

WWE Summerslam 2016

WWE Summerslam 2016

WWE's hottest supershow decided to air for a monumental SIX hours. Live from the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York, on Sunday August 21st, it was the first joint Pay Per View since last month's official revamped brand split.

WWE decided to treat one of its Big 4 PPV's like Wrestlemania, with a media heavy, fan filled six hour show which was way too taxing on audiences at home and in attendance. Vince McMahon's desire to have his whole world of WWE dominate the airwaves have been somewhat off.

In realty, WWE were plagued with multiple Wellness Policy suspensions which will be used as an excuse for a poorly produced PPV, alongside the Olympic Games closing. WWE will find any excuse not to look from within at the crucial problems affecting its company.

Paige, Alberto Del Rio, Eva Marie, Sasha Banks, Roman Reigns (one month ago) and Brock Lesnar have certainly abused the policy. Others highly likely but hiding in the shadows of WWE's failure to act are John Cena, Becky Lynch and possibly AJ Styles. Ouch.

Though this is only WWE's failure once again. It never prepares for the future, rely's on old hat cash cows, ignorant up and comers who will never materialise and egotistical bosses playing games at the expense of the number one man in the business who has it all intact, Max Waltham. This is not vanity, but for WWE they want the glory and fail to acknowledge what will succeed them in all ways. The inevitable is not profitable. For the last year, WWE have been ultimately stuck for ideas and sunk since Max Waltham stopped feeding the machine. 

So the errors begin... (and there were so many of them)

Tag Team
Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens Vs Big Cass and Enzo Amore

Like the JeriShow before them, these two clowns have aptly named themselves a pathetic JeriKO. How original. Much has changed. After much hollering and failure to wrestle, writhing around on the floor and letting everyone do their work for him, ignorance of the highest order, layabout blubber Kevin Owens let the show down once more. With Jericho doing most of the work for his team and lacking competition of an Edge and Christian clone team with no drive and Joey Tribbiani's catchphrase, it was a categorical fail to open Summerslam.

Mid life crisis Chris Jericho and hollering waster Kevin Owens won in what was barely even interesting.

WWE Women's Championship
Charlotte Vs Sasha Banks (c) 

To commemorate the grand 'New Era' a couple of weeks before Summerslam on Raw, Sasha Banks won the Women's title. Tonight her opponent in green botch babe and former champion Charlotte, was after the gold.

This one had too many jumps, spots, botches and Charlotte opening her legs with her vagina showing in a very unflattering position instead of appealing class. The biggest shock to fans caused was when Charlotte regained the title after beating transitional champion Sasha Banks clean. 

Fans were livid. In hindsight, it had provided WWE with a problem. Sasha Banks had been using performance enhancing steroids and WWE were miffed. They had no choice. Ideally they should have held up the title. So much for the new era and its Diva's revolution. Even Women play dirty.

Intercontinental Championship
The Miz (c) w/ Maryse Vs Apollo Crews

Ignorant green flounder Apollo Crews was handed a title opportunity just for the sake of it. Way to go WWE. Triple H's moronic hire and lack of research to be awkward with his own boiling ego has proven costly once more. All of Triple H's NXT call ups have been a dismal failure and not one has achieved success on the main roster. 

Fans were left wondering why Crews was called up when being so green, lacklustre and uneventful in the ring. 

Maryse was dressed in revealing clothes looking like a prostitute on 5th Avenue. Multiple close ups of her sexiness with revealing camel toe looks were damn right appalling. That is not how to be sexy for an audience. Her hubby The Miz easily retained the Intercontinental Championship, which at this point, is the most irrelevant title once again in all of the WWE. 

Crews was only put up because Vince McMahon is desperate to make a successful black superstar, to avoid the issue of racism which continually fills WWE's back halls. Crews has 'the look'. Muscles, abs, and six foot requirements McMahon oh so loves in a behemoth 1980's fit. Not today, dear. HHH is once again responsible for the hiring of this useless attraction. Ezekiel Jackson Mark II, anyone?

John Cena Vs AJ Styles

John Cena worked his backside off to make AJ Styles seem credible. The same rematch after rematch and TNA fodder Styles never achieving anything in WWE is a troubling problem WWE can't seem to shake. Why HHH thought this was an excellent hire who should also bypass the developmental roster of NXT is baffling. 

Action Man AJ 'no' Styles once again jumped around like a flying monkey, doing all the flippy moments. Is that all he can do? Yes, actually. Spots won't compensate for lacklustre nothing matches filled with 'OMG' shocks to carry them along. AJ Styles has nothing to offer and is drastically living off of his TNA fame. Triple H wins again, doesn't he?

AJ Styles got the most lackingly unimportant pinfall over John Cena after counters, lack of pressure holds and lame jumping around acrobatics. Fanboys will often ruin it for themselves with bias that it was "great" because they are desperate to prove that AJ can make it in WWE. He can't, no matter how much favouritism Triple H awards him. No one really cares. The limp noodle is over with.

Tag Team
The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) (c) w/ Jon Stewart Vs Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson

Ooh, darlin' .
You need to get ya roots done, luv.
Gallows and Anderson were given a random match out of nowhere which failed to justify the free tag title opportunity. This was all about given Jon Stewart air time and making the New Day gain history making title reigns. All was entirely lame.

Stewart is working hard since having nothing to do and after last year's bungled botch turn on John Cena for Seth Rollins, was another foreseen lunacy waiting to happen. This time, the fans knew it and were unimpressed. All the celebrity figures WWE calls are not in tune with popularity of the WWE Universe. Are WWE in the modern era?

New Day had an absurd ringside set of jars with urine looking liquid filled in them. These were to resemble the wee tests. With so many failing the urine tests and an absent, unexplained Big E, WWE were losing interest fast. 

Also, once again, spare part Xavier Woods was defending and acknowledged as champion while Big E was out of action. What lunacy. Xavier Woods is not and never has been champion. Decisions like this further trap WWE into its own web of failure. Only in WWE can they think it is credible and right. It is not a six man title and Xavier never won it. What an absolute failure of a reign.

The toilet humour also stinks, more so than the jars at ringside.

There was no real challenge here as Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston retained Kofi Kingston and Big E's titles after Big E surprisingly returned and beat down the team forcing a disqualification victory to Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson

Jon Stewart was just there, which added nothing but distraction and idiocy. Fans did not appreciate it.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Dean Ambrose (c) Vs Dolph Ziggler

After years of calling it the painfully long tongue twister of WWE World Heavyweight Championship, WWE changed the title to just WWE World Championship. Yes, WWE have officially given up on the title and its players since moving it to Smackdown. It's not even the WWE World title, either. Oh, WWE.

So, the limp champion with no real essence in Dean Ambrose, took on random opponent Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler donned new tights looking like the prize turkey wrapped in baco foil. It did not look good.

A step up from last year's
Summer Rae/Lana/Rusev
love lunacy?
The match was filled with contempt for both from WWE and the audience. The pair failed to light the arena up and Dean Ambrose was viciously booed. A sign no one except critics and the audience were expecting. WWE are caught up in their own world. Many still question why Ambrose holds the title, while doing nothing interesting or championship worthy with it. He is just holding it. 

Dolph Ziggler provided nothing better, either. The pair were out of their depth and Ambrose, whose lame attempt at success involved ripping his shirt off for a cheap pop at his man boobs, failed. Ambrose weirdly acted dishonourably and stalked Ziggler like a weeping willow tree flapping in the wind with creepy antics.

Eventually Dean Ambrose won the match to keep his worthless prize that the WWE Universe were so annoyed with having to witness. They didn't want Ziggler either.

WWE were warned by this writer that Ambrose was falling into typecast clown over the last year. WWE chose not to listen or provide newer options. Ambrose is officially redundant.

Six Man, Tag Team
Natalya, Alexa Bliss and Eva Marie Vs Becky Lynch, Carmella and Naomi

Whoops! It's LIVE!
Naomi made this match exceptional from the start, in her funky fresh, cyderdellic attire and entrance. She has been the most underrated wrestler on the WWE roster for so long and should already be on her lengthy, second Women's title run. 

Eva Marie has failed a drugs test as mentioned previously above. She was to be replaced by a mystery partner after WWE's concocted story of 'emotional distress' saw her magically disappear for 30 days. Though she did tweet on Twitter. WWE will really be livid at that! She has much to learn. 

Naomi getting funky fresh!
Eva also had an embarrassing nip slip wardrobe malfunction on Smackdown LIVE! revealing her boobs on PG WWE entertainment. Oops!

As predicted Nikki Bella made her shock return, which was somewhat tepid and devoid of interest with no build up. WWE needed a new one in the  mix after Marie and likely Lynch have cause violations for WWE.

After a scrambling match of idiocy, broken spots and dodgy attire wars on every diva, Naomi was the standout star, minus the daft butt wrangling in the face lunacy WWE often discreet the girls with. This was a Vince McMahon decision. He thinks it's funny.

Eventually after all this mess of standard diva six man madness, Nikki Bella brought the goods, with Natalya and Alexa Bliss to win the match. 

As an interesting fact, Nikki Bella was champion for 301 days, as WWE's most successful Diva's champion to erase AJ Lee form the history books. Nikki Bella has been absent from WWE (with injury) for exactly 301 days. :o

WWE Universal Championship
Finn Balor Vs Seth Rollins

What to say...

A new title for Raw will be crowned and was given all the attention instead of the main one. The abhorrently named strap was also coloured a blood red leather which was exactly the same as the WWE and Women's championship frame.

It looked utterly repugnant. The ugliness was vehemently booed the entire match by the fans in attendance, who could not hold back their disgrace at the new and worthwhile title with a useless named billed on representing them.

The match however, itself, was poor, filled with more flying spots and some ignorant goon in face paint as a "Demon King" (lol) being carried by Seth Rollins. Green spot monkey Balor was wayward and insanely tepid. 

Rollins did what he could but it was a wasted opportunity as Finn Balor won the ugliest title since the WWE Spinner belt to become the WWE Universal Champion. What a laughing stock.

WWE continued Finn's build up, out of face paint, (which makes no sense) to bring his mother and father from Ireland to see him on a poster and watch him live at Summerslam. 

Hmmm... Is this a new Darren Young opportunity for WWE? Either way it was so sad and useless. It wasn't a big moment. It did nothing to make green rookie Balor become credible and who can really get excited about the look and name of a ridiculous championship? WWE have become so lazy and lacking ideas it is unreal. This will not get over. Finn Balor is Triple H's new plaything.

It's probably a blessing in disguise Seth Rollins didn't win. Who would want that ugly title?

United States Championship
Rusev (c) w/ Lana Vs Roman Reigns

Returning junkie Roman Reigns is said to be billed backstage as not the man but one of the men in his WWE goals set out by Vince McMahon who is desperate to make Reigns a worldwide star. After so many bungled attempts last year with the three time WWE champion failure Reigns, and a Wellness suspension quietly buried by WWE, headaches continue.

To top it all, WWE ran out of time nearing the last hour and overran with ten minutes to go and a main event up next. Even with six hours and a dismal card, WWE can't manage time at all. Oh dear...

Predictably this match was brief. Rusev retained the gold as Roman Reigns went all monstrous in attacking and Spearing. It was a complete mess and wasted moment for all involved. Rusev has made the title so credible and once again WWE have dropped it like yesterday's garbage. They have no desire or faith in the secondary titles. So much for American heritage. 

The match never started as Reigns attacked Rusev from the beginning, therefore being unable to compete. Oh the irony of what was to come.

Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman Vs Randy Orton

So we finally get to the tired out, frustrated main event. To top it off, UFC and WWE junkie Brock Lesnar, who loves to chat sh*t with ignorant manslaughter Steve Austin, made a rare appearance for WWE. Glad to see he is earning his six figure, millions salary over three years for a one off match.

His opponent is returning glazed up tight toting five star worker Randy Orton.

Orton was up against it tonight having to sell for lazy Lesnar, who still has only one run through routine and no new material. Lesnar continued to wear down Orton with suplexes and took it outside. 

Lesnar's juice nearby
The outside skirmishes were the most troubling for all. Brock Lesnar was far too reckless, stiff and abusive to Orton beyond the point of the business. his unnecessary behaviour flung Randy Orton around outside, including into the announcers table. Back in the ring Orton was visibly busted open, bleeding as this was planned and was heavily pouring to Brock's irresponsible behaviour.

WWE often fine anyone causing leakage and reckless nature. WWE can also be sued for unsafe working environment. Blood can often cause infectious diseases. 

After roughly ten minutes, the match was officially stopped. Brock Lesnar was awarded the victory by 'Total Knock Out' which was a fancy way to try an protect its ruined main event. Randy Orton had to be helped out as the match was match stoppage meets No Contest.


The pre-show featured three weird matches.

The first was a complete clustered mess in a 12 man tag with The Uso's, The Hype Bros (Zack Ryder and Mojo Rawley) and American Alpha (Chad Gable and Jason Jordan) against The Ascension (Konnor and Viktor, The Vaudevillains (Aiden English and Simon Gotch) and Fandango and Tyler Breeze. It was a total mess and all exclusive to Smackdown made it look highly unappealing. The former team of honourable men (Uso's, Hype, Alpha) won.

The warm up continued as Sami Zayn and Neville beat the Dudley Boyz in an empty tag match.

Sheamus defeated Cesaro, who keeps getting bumped thanks to Vince McMahon's personal hate, to the pre-show. To justify a bundle of planned rematches with two people they have no clue what to do with, WWE made it a best of 7 sires. Usually these worthy series matches always make and have to be placed on main PPV. WWE are truly lost. As predicted, Sheamus won. It was a nothing match. 

PPV Rating - 1/10

Men/Women of their matches - Chris Jericho, Neither were good enough, The Miz, John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Naomi, Seth Rollins, Rusev, Randy Orton

Man/Woman of the PPV - Naomi

In the wake of the brand extension for 2016, and Vince McMahon's two year planning of it, WWE were warned by Max Waltham it would not work. WWE declined to listen. Today, Summerslam was the biggest washout since. The rosters are both short stacked, lacking skilled wrestlers/superstars and have zero ideas in forward planning. WWE is sinking badly and fails to act. It is getting worse and with so many new, green faces on the shows, with not much depth or character and warmth, WWE's rosters are a huge turn off.

Not helped by a drain six hours, multiple steroid abusers, ignorant unachievers and novelty cruiserweights, WWE has nothing to offer. Triple H's NXT ego is as destructive as poison coursing through the veins of WWE. Vince McMahon's pulsating blister to keep the show credible and making multiple boobs with useless talent and keeping his family happy is another distressing sign. 

McMahon doesn't need to step down, he needs to think and hire those who are essential to the future success of WWE. Triple H taking over would plummet WWE further and his ego, games, lack of research, hires and novelty acts in little men being a future for WWE will be an absolute catastrophe going forward. 

This is the fourth PPV this year, that has scored 1/10. How utterly dismal for WWE. Back to back Wrestlemania, Payback and Extreme Rules all fell to the same. The next one was only up to 2/10. It really isn't good enough at all.

He had a wife and she was to
 be one. Pair of ignorant druggie
 trash clogging WWE's drain.
WWE have no clue and Max Waltham isn't offering any advice that they have so often snubbed, abused and treated like dirt. WWE have made all their problems all of their own, with no solution in sight. WWE will often convince themselves of multiple excuses to avoid blame. If you want a legacy that is true and paramount, this is not the way. It is crumbling. 

Ratings down, Triple H hiring ignorance destructive, lack of ideas, creative burnout, injury prone stars, green, lacklustre shells, lazy title designs, empty stories, no depth in challengers, freebie favouritism and pitiful writers. Ouch.

You're Welcome!

© Max Waltham 22nd August 2016
All Rights Reserved