Elimination Chamber 2013
WWE Elimination Chamber broadcast
live on Pay per View on Sunday 17th February 2013 from the New
Orleans Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana. As the fourth annual Elimination
Chamber event would this PPV give a chance for a new star to rise through just weeks
leading into the company’s biggest event of all time, Wrestlemania? Would it
line other options for those who did not win and showcase a pleasing, intense
and supportive card?
World Heavyweight Championship
Alberto Del Rio (c) w/ Ricardo
Rodriguez Vs Big Show
Hmmm. Where to begin. Michael
Cole claimed from the offset of this match that Big Show was a bully. Eh?! Big
Show was a bully ambassador not so long ago. Be A Star! Regardless, now Big
Show is a bully and hurting down on Del Rio in a chance to recapture the gold
taken from the beast’s slumber months beforehand, the start was general. The
change became Big Show crawling on the floor, something new, to beat a near ten
count and stand to his feet. This regular match after their Last Man Standing
crawl fest at the Royal Rumble just weeks ago took new pace.
Soon enough Rio clasped on his
powerful golden thighs with the leg lock, cross armbreaker, whatever its called
nowadays causing pain to Show. Though Show was too powerful for that. Big Show
rose through the catacombs to ascend like the incredible bulk of glory to slam
the arm of poor technical whizz and defending champion ‘Bertie. Though Alberto
Del Rio would not be undone and soon reversed the action swiftly in order to
squeeze the arm lock on one more time with sheer force to tap the Big Show out
and remain World Champ once again after a lengthy twenty minute battle.
United States Championship
Antonio Cesaro (c) Vs The Miz
Just as the pair were getting
ready to come in, WWE cuts to Josh Mathews in the audience to talk to some
lovely blonde lady and a brunette guy. Oooh, hi baby… Josh chose to talk to the
female. L
She was an exuberant essence of pleasure for a few split seconds and unable to
really make much of an explanation as to why we were seeing them, but,
whatever. They later appeared in the same spot on Raw the following evening in
which lead journalist and clever man Michael Cole told us Josh Mathews was with
them again. Josh Mathews quickly melded into Matt Striker. ! Perplextion
personified. Nevertheless, back to the PPV now, this blonde female is a DJ, by
the way and a co-star of The Rock’s, I think. No Josh Mathews were harmed in
the process of this interview.
We now got back to the
non-entities marred by the process on the pay per view having what Antonio
Cesaro has constantly build as a prestigious championship on the line.
Cesaro impressed with a up, flip
arm, drop leg swift transition on The Miz in this match.
Miz entered with a bandaged arm from
the brutal destruction by Brock beasty Lesnar the following week on MizTV on Raw. Cesaro worked over the weak spot
well throughout the beginning on the outside with the barricades and a hard
shoulder smash. Miz was decked with boots and slams in a dominant and pleasing
way for both stars to work with. Miz soon returned fire with a shove into the
steel steps once outside again on Antonio. This affected ‘Tonio’s knee causing
Miz to work him over now inside the ring and attempt the torch handed Figure 4
Leg Lock from Ric Flair in December on Raw.
Some fans gave a “Wooooooooooooo!” of approval. Cesaro heard what was coming
and kicked Miz in the leg to wrest free however Miz then hit a naughty knee
drop into Antonio Cesaro’s goolies! This was debated on Raw the following evening, as to whether Miz intentionally attacked
his rival’s most precious appendage area. Cesaro pointed to the ref of pain to his
netheregions and ended the match in Antonio Cesaro’s favour by disqualification.
After the match Miz definitely kicked Cesaro in his undercarriage
intentionally. Shame on you Miz. Poor
Antonio. I’ve told WWE before, this is why I need to be on standby as physiotherapist/nurse/groin
supporter for the staff. You don’t need no medical insurance, neither.
World Heavyweight Championship
Elimination Chamber, Number One contendership at Wrestlemania XXIX
Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter Vs
Kane Vs Mark Henry Vs Randy Orton Vs Daniel Bryan Vs Chris Jericho
After a lengthy speech before the
beginning with Zeb Colter, no, I don’t know who he is either, all the participants
hid into their glass pods as Chris Jericho and Daniel Bryan started the match
off. It wasn’t going to be Mark Henry or bumbling Swagger, was it?
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Daniel Bryan flip over, using
chain on Jericho, Michael Cole drops the “wrestling” notion. On the steel.
Daniel Bryan submission leads to a toss. Flipped by Y2J. Swagger is then
released into the fray and assaults Jericho with shoulderblocks and slams. They
soon battled on the steel structure. Bryan then dive with a knee drop charge on
Swagger from the turnbuckle above, though missed headbutting Y2J. This was
timed perfectly for Kane to enter the frucuous. He took out Swagger, before
being rolled up by ever tense relationship with partner Daniel Bryan. He
attempted an apolgy to Kane who had none of it! Bryan opened arms for a hug as
Kane disimissed “No!” and planted an uppercut on Bryan instead. They had a
little interaction of dysfunction before Jericho was slammed by Kane. Jericho
soon hoisted Bryan up as Kane chose to use the flying clothesline on Bryan in a
Legion of Doom Doomsday Device moment. Kane suplexed Swagger as Y2J dropkicked
Swaggz after.
Randy entered after a much needed
burst of interest. He instantly took everyone out to sheer elation of the
audience all over. He dropped down Y2J after though Kane slapped on a grasp to
halt the deadly viper. Orton escaped as quickly as it was on and nailed a
perfect dropkick on the Big Red Monster sending him down before moving on to
suplex Daniel Bryan in another fantastic display of skill and star quality. Orton
smacks Kane with a DDT drop, then head bashes him into the steel wall.
An interesting double suplex
moment arose where Orton superplexed Swagger while Jericho dropped the other on
Bryan. Then all five were down to pave the way for the final sixth man. Yes,
great momnets just end to carry other breaks in the chain.
The calamitous beast of return
Mark Henry was free to roam the Chamber as the next entry.
Y2J/Orton and lamb to the
slaughter Daniel Bryan pin. Henry just came in, picked up Daniel Bryan and gave
him the World’s Strongest Slam to eliminate him from the match. Bryan was out
that simply. Henry then carelessly hurled Orton through the breakable
translucent window shattering the glass as he went through it! Oh no! Henry is
on fire! Yeah, right…
Henry then walked to the centre
of the ring to grab Kane after the monster did the work to catch him and smash
the World’s Strongest Slam on Kane to extinguish his flame with a three fall
elimination.
Jack Swagger and Jericho double suplex
Henry now to take out the big man of pain. Swagger was then dismissed from
action as the big guys battled it out prompting one question. Oh my god, is
Jack Swagger gonna be carried by this?! Jericho soon turned on Swagger. Chris
charged for the Lionsault though catch by Henry and hurled into the chain walls
instead. Both then went for Randy Orton somewhere amid the confusion after more
exchanges. Orton then focused on Henry. Randy dropped the ravishing RKO on
Henry to finally remove him from the match with an elimination.
Henry left the steel structure
only to charge back in delivering the World’s Strongest Slam in retaliation
onto Swagger, Orton and Jericho after Henry was eliminated and refused to
comply with dignity and leave. It was utterly pathetic and sold no-one, nor the
match and it did not get Henry over in the slightest. It failed.
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| Oh no! Are you alright Randy? Don't be hurt, babe! |
Jack Swagger scrambled for a two
fall on Orton amid the confusion. Orton and Jericho went on the attack. Jericho
was flipped over the ropes by Orton in which Jericho scurried over, up to the turnbuckle in quick succession.
A two fall on Jericho only after Orton sent him crashing down to the ground. He
followed with a hard scoop slam on Swagger twice. Jericho jumped up and kicked
Randy in the head following with a two fall. Jericho then turned attentions to
Swagger but as caught by the blonde boredom slamming a belly to back suplex on
Y2J for his troubles. Swaggz locked his fabled anklelock onto Orton now to wear
down the viper. Jericho returned with an enzuguri for revenge on Swagger though
Swagger again caught Jericho in the follow up move in yet another repetition,
flipped over and rolling around, Jericho soon had Swagger in the Walls of
Jericho. After a tense time, Randy Orton broke the submission and gave a hard
backbreaker onto Jericho only maintained with a two fall. Orton had enough and
pounded Jericho with the ever ending RKO to finally eliminate the Ayatollah
with the final three fall of near falls. Jack Swagger ran up from behind out of
nowhere and rolled up Orton in a cheap and tacky pinfall which was granted a
three count eliminating Orton on a petty pin that did not excel Swagger one
iota. Swagger simply gained a tacky win.
Six Man Tag
John Cena, Ryback and Sheamus Vs
The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins)
The match begins with all three
of the goodies ambushing The Shield. Rrright… All three suplex the three Shielders
they have managed to catch with ease for a photo opportunity. After the bell
rang, Sheamus clubs ten blows to Ambrose’s chest. These spots do not sell
Sheamus as powerful, it makes him look ever more tedious and wait till ten is
over. It is wasted opportunity. Rollins was tagged in with a dropkick on
Sheamus shortly. Rollins proved again to have a lot of technique, skill and
style here. Lots of good tag communication with Rollins involved occurred which
was right in this instance. The Shield were also allowed to dominate for once
against the trio of brick muscle meatheads. They managed to distance Cena with
the tagging process and have a place on the card. Rollins took numerous levels
of exceptional work in this match. Reigna later gained tag entry smashing a ferocious
clothesline on Cena showing how to enforce actual power without over enhanced
idiocy. Reigns takes a two fall until Sheamus saves the match.
After time passing to roughly ten
plus minutes SuperCena is permitted an appearance. Staging his comeback was finally stalled by
Reigns with another powerful clothesline. Ambrose soon had Cena in his clutches
of which Johnny Boy could not break. Ambrose dropped an impressive DDT. It
changed in n instant as always. Cena, out of nowhere, dropped Ambrose over the
top rope to the floor, just like that, without any explanation. This allowed
Cena to tag in the ever needed powerhouse beast that is Ryback. The ever
calamitous liability that is Ryback carelessly again backdropped Reigns and
Ambrose in swift timing, then delivering a powerbomb to Rollins. He still doesn’t
know how to work. Ambrose was hurled into the corner into Rollins. Bursting “mindless
Neanderthal” (Waltham: 2012) Ryback was taken down by charging Reigns. Sheamus
then dealt with reigns instead. Sheamus then went outside with Ambrose. Reigns
nailed a spear onto Shea’ which flew him through the barricade! Oh my goodness,
the carnage! The barricade spot was of course, implemented at last month’s
Royal Rumble PPV - Big Show spot, as well as previously beforehand. Hmmm. For
Reigns, however it was something that worked, but just too repetitive that it
marred how impactful it could have been instead of a ‘here we go again’ motion.
Ryback was inside the ring as
Rollins was alone. Ambrose saves his bud, as Reigns re-joined. Their three man
beat down was halted by favourite saver extraordinaire John Cena. Cena
instantly stuck the Attitude Adjustment on Ambrose. Roman Reigns soon smashed a spear
into Ryback after countering the Shellshock air lift in a good exchange from
Reigns. Corner interaction with two on one situation with Ambrose in trouble
saw an excellent drop display of Seth Rollins charge the turnbuckle behind
Ryback, once in position with Dean Ambrose, allowed Rollins to smash down on top of
Ryback and score the pinfall in a superb finish that really put The Shield on
impressive levels. Ryback was a little
upset following the end result. It seems Cena could have potentially made a
save for the hungry beast but declined to assist. Caveman Ryback walked off in
a huff as Cena and Sheamus were confused why Ry-b had his feelings hurt.
Awwwwwwww.
Impromptu Match
Kofi Kingston Vs Dolph Ziggler w/
AJ and Big E.Langston
We were now treated to another impromptu
match. This one was filled with ever dependable fellow Kofi Kingston against
the ‘I can climb over the last hurdle’ force that was Dolph Ziggler.
All you need to know, is Kofi
Kingston lost and Dolph Ziggler ‘won’.
If Ziggler needs to win jobber
matches to become the star he is supposed to be by the WWE Universe and can’t
do it well, shouldn’t this tell you he has reached his point and can’t go any
further? He won’t be the star so move on to a newer one with better option.
Let’s face it this is the best Ziggler can muster. At least WWE gave him
something to do and didn’t strain it out too long.
Newsflash! Michael Cole can use
an iPad! (Finger point, open mouth El Generico insertion here. Ole!)
Unified Women’s Championship
Kaitlyn (c) Vs Tamina
Katy-lyn was shown doing a promo
gabbing on about still being the champ after the match. While there were many
options to make this a hearty match, WWE could not be bothered. It just put
them out there and decided to let them mess around for a bit and make the best
they can of it.
Kaitlyn began with a suplex and backslide
to get two near falls twice, one after the other. WWE then showed us the Divas
backstage watching the match. WWE revealed its entire Divas division. Seven.
Yes, seven divas! Layla, Cameron, Naomi, Natalya and Rose Mendes were viewing
the match.
Rejoining the action Tamina
thrust Kaitlyn into the steel post. Shoving her boot in the face to then take a
two fall for Tamina only. Tamina chose to scale high up going for the Superfly
Splash drop, however upon landing the defending champ moved as Kaitlyn charged
a spear at Tamina to down her for a three fall and remain champion in a rough
four minute collision. Time was against them, however both put on a fair show
for what was expected of them.
WWE Championship
CM Punk w/ Paul Heyman Vs The
Rock (c)
Added was the stipulation that if
The Rock becomes counted out or disqualified then the WWE championship will return to its rightful owner, CM Punk by default.
After a progressive build, Heyman
was generously keeping score at ringside between the exchanges of Rock and
Punk. It was another classy angle of brilliance from Heyman. He can do so
little and carries numerous levels. After some hefty arm drags from The Great
One, Punk took time out leaving to the outside. Once back in the ring CM Punk
spat in the face of Rock. Dirty git. Doesn't do that to me in other areas… CM
spat his Punky attitude at Rocky who saw red and brutally flew Punk out of the
ring! Rock soon followed on the barricade wall and landing Punk on the announce
table. Punk taunted Rock with no attack. Clever CM couldn't rile The Rock
enough for a DQ however, as Heyman distracted said referee so Punk could rake
Rocky’s eyes and change the pace somewhat Punk planted a chinlock on Rock
inside the ring to take control as both men had appreciation from the crowd as
any wrestling match should be. Near falls and debatable decisions came after as
Punk’s high octane elbow drop for a two fall sustained halfway point.
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| Who loves ya? baby! |
Punk dismantled the Spanish announce
table as Rock slammed Punk’s head into the broadcast teams instead. Punk
countered the Rock Bottom as Punk then went outside to try the Rock Bottom on
Rock over the table which filed to give way. Rock broke a nine count, returned
a Samoan drop and then both knocked each over out for a tense count. What if
neither reached their feet by ten? Both rose at nine. After some quick returns
by each, Rock dropped the Bottom on Punk for a two count. Oh no! The referee
took a bump! Punk slammed the GTS on Rock in a chance happening. Whoops! The
EMTs and another ref checked on their fallen comrade, while Punk was
desperately laid all over the sweaty, laid out Brahma Bull. Punk was livid and
urged a count. Rock had enough time to recuperate and slammed a spinebuster on unimpressed
Punk, who also felt The People’s Elbow right after. As the new ref counted, Punk kicked out at two.
Punk hit a kick to Rock’s head and the ref became hurt in some way with his
ankle, who rolled to the outside. Man, where are some sturdy WWE referees when
you need ‘em? This was opportunity for Heyman to throw the WWE championship
into Punk’s grasp. Paul held Rock up in the ropes. Punk launched a WWE title to
the head assault, as The Rock moved from the foreign object, in turn bashing
Heyman in the skull with the gold. Oh no! :o Upon realising his mistake, Punk
was deflated for a second where The Rock threw the Rock Bottom onto Punk to win
the match with a clean three fall and remain as the WWE champion.
Overall Rating - 5/10
Men/Women of their matches – Alberto Del Rio, Antonio Cesaro, Randy Orton, Seth Rollins, Kofi Kingston, Tamina, The Rock
Man/ Woman of the PPV - Seth Rollins
Fans were annoyed only one
chamber match was going on. Entry to this year’s chamber was World Champions
only. A set up for Jack Swagger to charge to Del Rio as challenger for ‘Mania
was redundant. While the idea there was of interest to make a new star as it
should do, WWE chose the wrong one. Which highlights that while WWE can
actually do what it is supposed to make new stars IF and when it chooses to
push pride aside, it merely selects the wrong people to gear towards a future.
Swagger is not that World title future. Swagger should have been released
instead of a late chance saloon based on ridiculous American lined
disintegration. The reason for one chamber, was due to a six man could not be
inside a chamber and the WWE title was a one on one challenge. No one else was
available should a second one go on. Getting off to a good start, Randy Orton
was left to carry it once the start needed to be strong with Jericho/Bryan and
then flounder with the support cast. All a mechanism to protect Mark Henry who
made no headway and isn’t of interest is ridiculous to dispose of the real
talent when they were supposed to look strong and add a newer dimension than be
jobbed out to protect uninteresting stars. It didn’t help Henry nor anyone
else. It was a wasted chance. WWE should have given it to Orton and had an
interesting face off collision at ‘Mania with the added possibility but not
turning at all fuel to its grand fire. It would have been a great match from
both, drawed on both levels and had an eye cast over it built on what ifs.
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| Jack Swagger's new look |
The Punk / Rock rematch was a
great match filled with campers in both areas. Both had sustained support and
drove wrestling forward further for the product and its forgotten audience.
Men, fans and crowds were tantalised back to the product, only slightly,
however has re-piqued interest of those growing weary and mindlessly staying
with in the hopes their childhood nostalgia finally reimburses itself willfully
Heyman finally adding to the melting pot with interactions added even more
bubbles, though still downplayed to the higher potential WWE could put in. The
series is a rushed and ending one for the Cena/Rock II Wrestlemania façade that
conned fans as a one-time, lifetime extravaganza that was devised months in
advance with advertisers to gain money. This also questions whether the
wrestling fan recapture in those mosquito nets are just attempts to sanitise
them for the ‘big one’ and raise a quick buck for WWE to launch Cena again for
the next calendar year after graciously ‘sitting out’ the last year.
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| "Antonioooooo, he's my looovverrrrrrr!" |
For the low time and low interest
they had, have you noticed that while WWE give the females low time to do
something, Tamina always comes out with the goods, and at Elimination Chamber. Last
year against Beth Phoenix in a surprisingly great match for fans, Tamina held
the match together once again with the fractured Kaitlyn, thrust into the title
picture too quickly, modelled on the Kelly Kelly clone of ‘wrestling’ and in
trouble only one month into her reign. WWE really need to sort it out, but,
they don’t know how to because Max Waltham has taken a hiatus, and WWE fail to
listen through stubborn ideals. The end product is sufferance, as seen on
screen. WWE need to hire those people who can help, gain more females, and
direct a wrestling basis to its females above all else, if it really wants to
have all areas catered for that make big bucks WWE think are of non-importance
through ignorance. WWE have a record 10 females. The Divas – Rosa Mendes,
Layla, Alicia Fox, Naomi, Cameron, AJ and Kaitlyn. Vickie Guerrero is in a league
of her own and is a woman. Natalya and Tamina are the only wrestling females
the company has, and it uses the as sporadic fodder than conforming the structured
design to accentuate the product to its fullest potential. WWE has a record ten
females. Scratch that. WWE have eleven. You almost forgot about Aksana, didn’t
you?
Antonio Cesaro and Miz had a very
good match, short and filled with good pace, pleasing moves and thought out
constructively to accentuate both’s place, points, strengths and weaknesses to
put on a show was a highlight. Even the ending, of which is usually a disaster,
was a pleasure.
Dolph Ziggler will not be the
star WWE or the audience hopes for. Take your eggs out of Ziggy’s basket and
place them into a new star. Ziggler has reached his peak. He can’t go anywhere
else and is main event challenger at best. He should head back to the mid card
or just go. He has no options left. Even should he win the World title, it will
be of no importance when he holds it. Transfer the case before the big one to
someone else and give them the chance to win. Have Rio win at ‘Mania and either
have a cash in of someone completely fresh and either win or lose. Or have them
come out in April/May for the build-up of a series. Titus O’ Neil, Big E.
Langston, Big Show, Mark Henry Ryback, Sheamus and Wade Barrett are not
credible options.
As for Del Rio and Big Show there
was nowhere to really have a powerful driving force to sustain much interest in
the two’s feud process. In other words, it has been done and is well and truly
over with. The pair needs to head separate ways. Rio needs better, sustainable
and powerful opponents to also raise title profile and his own repertoire, which
is working well, as one always explained. It’s confusing why WWE took so long
to switch him. He now needs key opponents and clean victories unfilled with
gimmicks and jokes that help nobody overall.
The Shield won their match as
needed, but only at their expense once WWE made sure it protected its three
powermonger brick muscle men who are completely useless at everything else and
expect to be carried by the company for being on the big and tall checklist. Though
minimal use of Ryback was preferred, Sheamus carrying the match was terrible
and Cena is always a disaster waiting to occur once in the ring, whether he is
aggressor or oppressed. WWE need to re-vamp the formula that benefits everyone,
but they cannot know how to do this. The product will continue to suffer long-term,
and yet, as we head into Wrestlemania, the very PPV itself is threatened. It
has no lead. While Vince (can I call you Vince?) only wants ‘the big matches’
laying those foundations exposes the minor ones uncatered for. Exposed as
previous ‘Mania’s have been, Wrestlemania XXIX is on collision course to fail
once again. Three ‘Mania’s have been a failure, and this could well be the
fourth. WWE must lose its ego and adapt to the future in order to have one. The
very platform’s precipice is crumbling beneath its very eyes and with minimal
resources, yet tons of money to do something about it, which WWE always likes
to book for, it needs people more than it realises. It makes the ‘wrong’
choices everytime lately and is not anyway improving. People are growing up.
They won't be sticking around with background characters and will be fed up once
their returning heroes are in minimal action or haven’t any sustainable
competition to watch alongside.
© Max Waltham 21st February 2013
All Rights Reserved
Swagger was found with Marijuana possession as well as drink driving.
