Friday, 24 February 2012

Hoeski makes its Raw Debut!

The Hoeski is born! 

Courtesy of Max Waltham, the Hoeski was finally born on TV. WWE saw it trend to no end. (All it takes is one email and I may be yours.)

Eve was officially turned into a heel after now using Zack Ryder to get whatever she apparently aims to gain. Now she has a role again.

After confiding in the Bella Twins backstage, Eve explained that "people use each other" as some of us are aware... 

She said no one really liked Zack Ryder. (Well he has been stingy with his open legs to hard camera, which has seen likes of CM Punk, Randy Orton, The Miz, Cody Rhodes and Daniel Bryan among a few to be kind and man enough to project).

Aiming to move onto the "bigger fish" targeting John Cena, she said everyone was "talking about me now." I guess I should officially say thank you now. :)

After turning around, John Cena stood there staring back at her. Whoops!

After Cena went to ringside to expose Eve, she pleaded for a chance to explain. Claiming it was "taken outta context" , Cena wouldn't allow her. Eve, according to Cena, had been "sipping the skank juice". Using her "assets" to "further your career". She's living the American Dream.

Discussing friendship, Cena claimed the killer line. "I lost a Broski for a Hoeski!". The crowd instantly picked it up before Cena then asked for everyone to chant for it. :) 

He advised Eve she should go for the bigger fish - The Rock. Being "Disingenuous" , Ego-Maniacal self centred and both "scandalous bitches." 

Eve/Rock = Waltham/McMahon? Matches made in heaven :p

Eve fell to her knees, slightly crying. As Cena approached to leave, Eve jumped on Cena aiming to plant a kiss on his lips. Cena fought his face away as he was "disease free" and planned to "keep it that way."

Eve was carried away by referees after her breakdown.

Cena and Eve kissed one another last week on the Valentine's Day episode of Raw (13th Feb 2012). Zack Ryder caught them.

Hoeski's and Bimbo's have invaded WWE, and for that Max Waltham appreciates. Though you know you have had more than has been recognised. All that is needed properly is to drop the name or cultural references. Perhaps a poster in office or MW plastered somewhere? How about CM Punk's backside? Or when opening his legs to hard camera :D Some more implementaion can suffice... Your creative... Future posts may express that. Perhaps even a checklist for you, seeing as healthy 'competition' drives forward.

Hoeski was trending all over the Twitter airwaves. Creating the trends often pinched, one form of appreciation was received.

Here is the list of the Hoeski's origins, -  (just click the link and your there)

Thank You X

Now... what's next? 


© Max Waltham 24th February 2012

Thursday, 23 February 2012

WWE Elimination Chamber 2012

The Erosion to Wrestlemania?

Emanating live from the Bradley Centre arena in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on Sunday 19th February, Elimination Chamber offered pain, pleasure and prominence to certain WWE stars to be built onto its road to Wrestlemania. Did it achieve success or hinder those attempting to dominate?

Raw Elimination Chamber
WWE Championship
CM Punk (c) V The Miz V Kofi Kingston V Chris Jericho V Dolph Ziggler V R-Truth

Beginning the match would be the 'afterthought' Kofi Kingston and the defending WWE Champion, CM Punk. Both had a beautiful engagement for the five minutes together while waiting to prepare for the next entry. A task that encourages superstars the growth and potential to showcase. This was Kofi Kingston's chance to shine, and that he did. Along with Punk, given the leadership role to entice working from Kingston, Punk achieved this, however Kingston had to be given credit for work with as well as achieving this feat on his own merits.

The next entry was Dolph Ziggler. Many ass-ummed it was Mr.Ass. (Gunn, B:1997). With the mossy free flying golden locks and pink short tights, now casting away the generic wrestler speedo tights, Ziggler just lost his fanbase. It must be frustrating for him, but imagine the WWE Universe. Ziggler tries, but with the long pants back in play and the exact same character Ziggler built himself upon one year ago, after coming so far the next year, lost out one year on by changing and then, on this day, reverting to his old ways.

His performance was exactly the same, with a few aerobic manoeuvres added to his repertoire. He did nothing of interest, in what should have been presented as his chance to highlight his statement in the PPV match and its demonic structure.

R-Truth entered afterwards as the fourth man in contention. He took Ziggler dominance upon entry. Booker T drummed up humorous support with - "Cover that boy!" leading to a two fall only.

CM Punk resurfaced to give R-Truth a suplex. A two fall ensued by the defending champion, failing to eliminate Truth.

Could not claim title gold yet

Kofi was hurled over to the outside of the ring onto the steel chains.

A turnbuckle drop onto R-Truth then saw the arachnid lover fail to claim his box of spiders. Truth was first eliminated.

Ziggler swiftly attempted a roll up on Punk from behind. Punk then kicked out as Kofi came back with offence. 

A two fall from Kofi on CM Punk was all he got. Kofi would then jump onto the chained wall but was caught by Ziggler and dropped with a smashing DDT.

The Miz was then released into the Chamber. Attacking Punk he smashed his head into the glass running the outside of the ring between the pods. He would then do the same to Kingston on the other pod. Miz was allowed offence, which many thought shocking,

On the Feb 6th Raw, in a six pack challenge, Miz awkwardly miscalculated R-Truth in a spot causing severe injury potential. Triple H verbally scolded Miz backstage in front of other staff and of high volume. We agree with Triple H, Miz deserved to be scolded. he could have seriously destroyed, crippled or killed R-Truth as a result. Though for Triple H, as future WWE owner, to be professional, you do not blast someone in front of others, even if you wish to make a statement.

Many thought Miz would be eliminated first, and recieve punishment. We are glad he was given opportunity as was Kingston. A future needs to be created.

Miz would then scoop slam Kofi, as Ziggler scurried over on to steal the pinfall. Why a heel would do so was slightly confusing. Normally one would stand back and allow others to exert themself.

A two fall came back on Dolph Ziggler. Grabbing Kingston to whip into the turnbuckle on the outside.

A running kick came, halted by Kofi, whom then planted one right back on him as Michael Cole stated "in the mouche".

Miz retaliated with a two fall on Kofi Kingston. Then a clothesline on Punk in the corner, gathering steam. Miz tries for the Skull Crushing Finale, though the defending champion block the attempt.

A roll up for a two fall again came. A kick, DDT two fall on Punk continued on.

Miz, now planting a chin lock on the straight edge champion, shortly went for him out of hold to be caught into a Scoop Slam for a two fall by Punk now.

The Anaconda Vice was clasped onto Miz, just as Chris Jericho entered in perfect timing. Miz, holding on strong, then was freed, after Punk abandoned his grip as Jericho advanced towards. Punk and Jericho store each other down.

After going at it, counters and rope runs, Jericho scored a sit down drop kick on Punk gaining a one fall. Kicks, counters of a GTS with elbows and a running bulldog by Y2J then saw a swift lionsault leap onto Punk for a near three fall.

Ziggler once again from nowhere quickly aimed to roll Jericho up by surprise. It was a bad mistake. Jericho nailed a codebreaker on Ziggs to score a three fall and eliminate him from the match. Ziggler was done. This was to allow Jericho his record of eliminations in the chamber match to tally to an even ten.

The silent assassin run the ropes until being caught into legs of Punk. Flipped over to the outside, Punk gained control. Jericho slammed the head of Punk who somehow returned fire instantly.

Y2J hurried backwards and tried to hide in his chamber pod. This was a humorous angle that worked. Only talented individuals can be given this role. Punk went on the assault. He became trapped in the door and then felt the onslaught by Jericho.

He would then beat down Kofi with powerful attacks. "It looked like it hurt", the Universe proclaimed. Miz returned to action on Kofi after. Running kicks looking aggressive once more, with clubs and punches, then giving knees to a loosely flopping Kingston.

Kofi would come back with a flapjack leg flip to the head on Miz. This is a move Kofi should re- incorporate to his arsenal fluently and continually.

A scale to the top rope was thwarted by Miz. A Kofi, Miz, Punk turnbuckle initiation happened. Miz got a powerbomb with authority from Punk with a hard slam which was quickly followed by a beautiful penetration pinfall as Punk strode his legs apart over The Miz's airiated ones. It pleased many it set out to, and was hot. No complaints here. More please.

Penetration Pin :)

Oops. After a two fall near pin, both neglected Kofi Kingston, who was sitting atop the turnbuckle and promptly flew a cross body over both Punk and weary Miz. At this point, Jericho ambushed Kingston and turns him into the Walls of Jericho.

Kofi held for a fair while, but could not survive that deadly submission and tapped to Y2J. Kofi was off to the showers. It was a tremendous effort on Kingston's part. He had good innings.

Didn't break the hold ...

Jericho wasn't finished with Kingston and chose not to break the count. After crushing Kofi in the Walls, Jericho hurled Kofi into the steel walled chains inside the chamber.

As the front door was opened by referees, Y2J threw Kofi precariously to the outside in a display of ruthless aggression. CM Punk would then kick CJ in the head outside. Y2J took a bad tumble to the outside, thus becoming concussed. Was this a work? Was it real?... Hmmm... Vince is laughing...

After all the Universe had concerns, the announcers informed us Jericho was eliminated from the match. He was out.

After deliberation from the chamber, action regained once more, as a leg kick and to the head of The Miz by Punk saw a turnbuckle attack with rapid leg fire. KENTA might just deliver his own rapid street fighter kicks on Punk...

Miz gave a Skull Crushing Finale shortly after for a two fall. Miz then attacked Punk furthermore. A charge into the turnbuckle saw Punk evade by sidestepping out of it. Rookie mistake. Miz then had his head smash into the glass of the pod. 

Jerry Lawler told us earlier that this was "unbreakable glass".

The GTS came on Miz seeing Punk claim the victory with the three fall to finish.

CM Punk won the chamber and climbed the chains to lift his glory to the Universe, who defied the possible loss in a dark, demonic, dungeoned setting. Most would like to see him in a S&M sling...

Vignettes backstage of Santino were shown. So cheap were the company that they re-used the Eugene theme, to which everyone watching picked up on. These were the mock up of Rocky Balboa spoof's which Lawler would also inform us of later, incase we were unsure. 

WWE Unified Women's Championship
Tamina Snuka V Beth Phoenix (c)

Finally! Once WWE realise to put the pride aside, the match MW has been banging on about for over the good last course of the ending year, Tamina was finally pushed towards a fuller, competent position than the dire Barbie Bimbos.

After talk of Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka's infamous Piper's Pit angle, and Beth Phoenix contemplating coconuts to Tamina's head, this match was underway. Beth even began to hold open the ropes for Tamina to willingly forfeit and leave the match if she knew what was good for her. Tamina refused with a nod of her head.  Beth's verbal mockery was another highlight to see added to the Women's division in strengthened display. "Can you no hear me!?" when referring to her coconuts.

Slaps and Chops viciously given to one another then saw a run of the ropes in a swift beginning with powerful intent. Tamina attacked with a leg kick followed by knees from Beth. Then giving Tamina a headbutt to no effect stunned Phoenix. Tamina's patience was slowly running away. Instantly with a beautiful jump up headbutt with force by Tamina smashed Beth to the floor.

Tamina looked like a contender who could run with Phoenix, as well as understand wrestling psychology. If Phoenix gave a headbutt that couldn't best Tamina, Tamina would have to do a more powerful one to knock her opponent down. Many others would not have understood this principal, which added further value.

Climbing the turnbuckle, Tamina would be knocked off the top by Beth. Snuka almost slept on the mat for an 8 count, until breaking by re-entering the ring.

An elbow drop with clubs and elbows before a cover followed. 

Then clasping on a chin/elbow round lock which was a very fine choice in ground participation to further enhance two strongholds in the Women's divish. Fighting through the pain, Tamina tried to reach the head of Phoenix round the back whilst still in submission. This was appreciated.

Phoenix then decided to flip Tamina's hair back down ferociously to the mat once out of hold. Both sold it wonderfully. An elbow to the back of the head with a twist reminiscent of a human pretzel again then saw Phoenix asking the ref to ask Tamina if she would submit, Tamina did not relinquish.

Wearing down her foe, Phoenix shortly received a uppercut to the head to break the hold seeing Tamina swiftly run Phoenix into the Samoan Drop with sheer force. Tamina went to scale the heights. Climbing atop the corner post, she eventually was caught. Phoenix joined Ms.Snuka atop the post. It was the beginning of the end. Attempting a superplex before a jump kick and slap drops to the floor followed by a sharp clothesline with elbow clubs from Tamina came. 

Then nailing Beth with a superkick. The end result was kept open to Tamina gaining the title.

It was not to be. Tamina overestimated and was lifted by Phoenix into the Glamslam. Up high and unable to wrest herself free, Tamina was slammed into the mat for the three fall. Beth retained the Unified Women's championship, in yet another pleasing effort, adding more prestige to the said title in place.

The Be A Star campaign advert re-ran. "People who attack you is unfair" - David Arquette. "Believe in yourself, even if it's tough" - another lady in the entertainment field tells us.

Santino Marella's training followed through for the second time. Seen in a room backstage, 'Tino was boxing a hefty piece of ham as if a centred boxing ball/bag. Coercing the cobra, taking one jab was enough for this training.

Chris Jericho was shown receiving medical attention backstage in the lockeroom while WWE announcer on the scene reported for the Universe. Jeri was sitting atop crates in the distance with open legs. I'm available for a Physiotherapist position at WWE HQ :)

With such short comings on the crad in terms of matches, we were treated to John Laurinaitis and David Otunga ringside. Coming down the ramp to join us with their drivel about the GM position (checks my emails), Teddy Long wasn't fit for the role, they claimed.

Low and behold! Realeza! Alberto Del Rio returned! Sexi Mexi strutted to the ring, where he informed that GM's should play fair, and that he hated grudges. Teddy Long, he claimed, was corrupt. He was "good for nothing", and we "don't need people like that", in this business. 

Cheers Me Dears!

Del Rio had a great idea. That John Laurinaitis should be the permanent Raw GM of Raw AND Smackdown! Expect a Wrestlemania match between the two to settle this discrepancy. (In which MW will come down and beat the pair of em!).

Mark Henry then joined the fray. The World's Strongest Man claimed that little ol' Long "is a bully!" No one believed that from Henry's statue and previous bully booking positions.

The next Superstar down the ramp was, another return! Christian! Captain Charisma rejoined WWE TV.

Captain Orange returned too!

Claims that Teddy Long puts all staff into a "unsafe working environment", he revealed communicating with the Board of Directors about this matter.

A group photo was initiated. Otunga, Laurinaitis, 'Berty, Henry and Christian posed for another one of Johnny Ace's 'holiday' snaps. Otunga would then hideously pose for one himself. Clad with bow tie and all.

"Johnny is my man" - Michael Cole proclaimed, after earlier in the segment stating he would like to join JL's cabinet like JBL had. Talk about giving the game away...

Santino the third was now showing at all good WWE PPV screens near us. 'Tino did the climb the steps routine this time. WWE believe these skits are funny because it is all they know nowadays. Living in their own world due to the shutoff period with over extensive working hours. No one can deny their work ethic, though being engrossed into it without an outside look causes these skits to run. These skits also f*ck the audience over and cause them to devalue, disbelief and abandon the product because it simply is not sustainable.

Big Show partook in an interview with Josh Mathews.

Smackdown! Elimination Chamber 
World Heavyweight Championship

The Great Khali V Big Show V Santino Marella V Daniel Bryan (c) V Wade Barrett V Cody Rhodes

The second Chamber match was underway. "Cena is the mainevent?!" - one Universer stated unattractively. Others wondered why the chamber for Smackdown was on now. The reason - the Raw chamber had no real intention of changing champion, and WWE understood the majority of its audience recognised that. Also, WWE used it to enhance Wrestlemania storyline's only. 

Smackdown's chamber involved 3 stars who were not believable though with the other two, there was a slight ounce of belief that one could possible win the title from Bryan.

Beginning the match would be Wade Barrett and Big Show. It was dire. Barrett was tossed down by Show. Then slaps and chops came. A shoulder block was up next. 

The only excitement was seeing one of the boys in the pod, with commentary making us contemplate one of them become a go go dancer. :)

Barrett came back with kicks, after a long burial from the Big Show, who was moving at a snail's pace from the beginning of the match, clearly confirming to audience he was not capable to hold this match up at all, and therefore should have been omitted or eliminated swiftly. Plus, his role is to sell for younger stars. The way he is booked cripples stars. As lame as he is, this was Wade Barrett's chance to show his credentials. Big Show removed all of that from the get go, and though he could have improved it when Barrett retaliated, he did not allow it.

Barrett will never make it.

Which also shows how wasted the success with Randy Orton over the last couple of months was.

Thrown into the chain, taking down the legs and a rope stamp hold on from Barrett was fair for him. Show kick shoved his further advance. A leg hold saw shove off, which did not allow Wade a submission attempt.

Chants over Boring were surfacing earlier, though became evermore apparent at this point. "Bhhhhhooorrrringgggg!!" - from in house audience attendance. At home agreed.

It was shades of December to Dismember. 

Cody Rhodes was released from his pod. He attacked Big Show and was shoved down as a result. Rhodes was then tossed over the top rope, by Big Show to the outside where Rhodes sold pain exclamation. 

Show then hurled Barrett into the pod. Show then charged into Cody Rhodes, though Rhodes evaded, and Show missed falling into the steel. Or is that steal?

Turnbuckle saw Rhodes climb now, Big Show again grabbed him. While this occurred another no sell from Show was in place. Talent buried to sell Big Show. "WWE have absolutely no f**king idea" - another Universe vividly expressed.

An (upper) under-cut punch, to Show's underneath stomach at the corner came by Barrett.

Chokeslam was initiated. It was reversed. Leg beat downs and a punch later saw Wade Barrett clothesline.

Wade then attacked Cody onto the steel. No friends in this match. It was finally good to see WWE break its 1980's approach, even if for one moment. Heels eventually attack each other in order to highlight their shrewd behaviour.

After being thrown into it, Booker T, on commentary, told Barrett to "put it on that boy, Wade!". Barrett would attack Rhodes in the pod corner. 

"I’m loving it" - the announce team told us. Bah da ba ba bah! Next time Big Show dominates an event he doesn't deserve (which will be many more) throw a cheeseburger in! Just like Cena with the toilet roll at ECW's one night stand. 

Santino was finally released. A replacement to Randy Orton. What a disgrace. No one will ever respect that decision, and this is why they lose faith in the product. Santino has been a comedy goof for years, and even upon entering the chamber, was booked as exactly that. WWE have lost their edge at booking or constructing events on any level credibly.

Orton/Bryan shelved again :(
Marella unloaded with jabs to Wade with a hip toss also. A head toss.

A stare down with Big Show for Santino, before Show ran into the corner, with a chop also for good measure. A hurl over came next.

Rhodes, then attacked the leg. (Again.) A throw off pin. (Again.) A right hand chop to Rhodes

A hurl of Cody Rhodes (Again.) and with Barrett. A double chokeslam was reversed on the outside in between the chains. Instead, a double suplex from Barrett and Rhodes was initiated. Show landed on the steel structure. (So this move in WWE's eyes now justifies his role, because he 'sold' a move by not selling but by allowing one move to both, in which he decimated and still didn't put over either when said move was taken.)

The Bhoring! chants re-surfaced. It felt immensely tedious on all levels to watch. 

Cody punched Wade. Rhodes was finally allowed a time to shine, with a perfect Moonsault onto Barrett from the top turnbuckle. It was too late for any audience impact, though beautifully executed, all the same.

The Great Khali entered for his time. Rhodes the squared off with Santino.jabs and a judo chop to Wade Barrett. Shoves to Cody Rhodes. Kicks to Wade Barrett. The Punjabi Plunge was given to Rhodes and Barrett in succession.  Santino took an attack. Big Show/ Khali were left to stare down. Show performed a dismal spear on Khali. Thankfully this put Khali away for a three fall. Yes. Khali was eliminated. This was the right move. Though if in the match this quickly, why was he booked in the first place? Ludicrous.

Big Show, booked as a powerhouse destructive force to all new talent, chose to stand there in the corner, staring at Daniel Bryan's pod. Neglecting anyone else, who at this point would have resurfaced and snuck attacked him and possibly eliminated, or caused mass damage. 

Show then went to climb atop Bryan's pod. Show clambered around and stuck his hand in the pod to get Bryan. The champ had nowhere to go. Further shocking the World champion, Show dropped through the top of the "unbreakable glass" (Lawler, J :2012), and, without one shard or laceration, Show was staring face to face in the pod with his adversary. It was an episode of WWE Zoo Days: Chimp V Gorilla! 

They went at it. Show clasped on a leg choke. The clock soon counted down to releasing Bryan from his pod. There was no need anymore. Shortly after outside of it, a running charge into the pod happened. 

A punch to Wade Barrett once more. An Irish Whip followed with clothesline.

Show delivered a chokeslam to Bryan. A boot to Big Show by Wade Barrett then followed. Santino then used his knees in an attack to gain a two fall. 

Should've had more...
Wade hurled over Santino. Rhodes attacked Big Show. Using the cage, Rhodes stepped up the chains and smashed a Beautiful Disaster on his opponent. Back in the ring, he planted a DDT on Big Show.

Wade used an elbow on Show, to which Rhodes then clambered over for the pinfall.Big Show was long overdue. He was finally eliminated.

Santino would then swiftly pin Rhodes directly after. Rhodes, as all else, was miffed! He slammed the Cross Rhodes on Marella after elimination. Wade covered Santino instantly. Santino, who would normally be pinned with this, kicked out at two, further adding to lunacy.

Hurled over the steal, Marella's arms were then locked into the rungs off the chamber structure. (Which ironically, were big enough to move arms out of.) Though it was a good practice to use. And something refreshing from the same bland structure. Barrett lifted knees of allsorts into Santino. 

Running knees again - Very Good
After this, Marella would come back to gain a two fall on Barrett.

A leg lock to LeBell Lock was attempted by Bryan now. Barrett, reversed this as Bryan tossed feet and delivered kicks to the chest in the corner on from this. Wade shoved Bryan off the rope where his grapefruits felt the pain. Barrett then ran a side clothesline into a rope resting Bryan very well, while Bryan also sold it expertly. It was a strong occurrence to a move and its placement.

An attack over the steel, saw Wade powerfully slammed into the steel. Barrett used a head squash on the champion in the chamber pod, with the sliding door, where Chris Jericho formerly was hiding in, previously in the Raw chamber match. 

Wade kicked Marella's comeback. Wasteland attempted was missed, before another running kick. Barrett then repeated the Wasteland. Bryan then scaled the turnbuckle to perform a jump leg kick to Wade on the outside. 

Wade connected the Wasteland onto Daniel Bryan. Santino attacked with the break. Then to climb for a suplex, putting Wade's legs around, was then shoved off after scaling. 

DB used the diving headbutt from the top rope landing on Wade. Santino pinned Wade Barrett as a result. Shocking. 

Punch block rollover by Marella, then saw Irish whips to a dropkick, then a charge from Bryan.

Kicks to back and front from Bryan were strong. The turnbuckle, again in play saw DB miss a diving headbutt. The Cobra attack on Danny Boy took a two fall only.

The Cobra strrikes

Bryan then clasped on the LeBell Lock, where Santino was given time to hold on., before taping out, unable to defeat Daniel Bryan as World Champion. Bryan successfully retained the gold. Bursting out to confront him, Sheamus arrived, to give a kick which was blocked and then caught with back breaker manoeuvre.

LeBell Lock claims justice

What a way to kill the champ off the bat of a successful victory in one of the fiercest matches known to (WWE) man.

Ruined his challenge for 'Mania

Plus Sheamus is a babyface, or have we forgotten that? He wouldn’t have invaded nor attacked initially or at all. It should not have been booked in order to preserve both for Wrestlemania. This action did not enhance the PPV match coming, it took away from it.

A backstage skits gave us a little toilet break. Ahhh. Toilet humour. One of WWE's ideas they assume is hilarious, though fail to realise, that done uninterestingly makes the audience view it as foolish and irrelevant, while beliving the WWE team up top have no idea how to book anything. 

Ahh, WWE's cheese heads...

Hornswoggle was serving cheese backstage, while talking to a glitzy and gorgeous shimmying Natalya. Asking if she wanted a slice, she grabbed the table near Hornswoggle to brace herself, as her tummy felt congested. Walking awkwardly, Natalya let a noise go while she grabbed the table. The WWE sound machine blurted its noise out, to assume that Nattie had a bout of flatulence. Realising she may need to be near a loo, she left before parping again.

While it is usually a skit that can be deemed adequate in certain times, there was no backbone, nor implementation for this angle which has no place or meaning. It was dumb. 

Justin Gabriel (remember him?) appeared to see Hornswoggle for a chat. Jack Swagger with Vickie Guerrero joined also. Hornsowggle introduced his cheese's on offer, including cottage cheese. "Excccussssssee Me??!!!!!!". Jack and Justin had words. After some Google advertisements, Teddy Long appeared. He once again, booked the impromptu match between Swagger and this time, Gabriel, for the United States title, no less, next!

Impromptu Match
United States Championship
Jack Swagger (c) w/Vickie Guerrero V Justin Gabriel

To make up for no idea how to book the PPV with matches and then realising it was short stacked and cold place anyone anywhere on the night with a bit of spare time, Swagger V Gabriel was shorter than usual. It wasn't very interesting. If you went to have a beer or checked a text message, the match was then over.

Swagger (remember him?) defended the title successfully in a match of no importance.

One interesting part was when Swagger was outside and grabbed the leg and threw it into the turnbuckle post before returning into the ring to gain an anklelock to win the match via submission.

"What a great business advisor Vickie Guerrero is" - Michael Cole. (It's time you used 'Vickie Guerrero' more efficiently, get the 'Board of Directors' to send 'her' an email...) You need her more than you realise, and 'she' is available. Lose the ego, think of the product...

Got the sense, put it into practise now?...

Ambulance Match
John Cena V Kane

The only way to win this match is to place the opponent into the ambulance and have it drive out of the arena with them inside it.

It was another standard Cena match start. Soon enough, atop the stage, Cena would smash the stretched onto Kane, in a pithy drop with no effect. Surely all the hate feeding Kane at this point should have fuelled him to rise? 

Later towards the ring, the stairs were brought into play. With a five knuckle sh!t fall delivered. Kane after this soon went to the underneath of the ring after recovering. He pulled out a wheelchair. Unfathomable. With all the objects to pull out, a wheelchair, too? That was hilarious.

Cena, weary and weak, was wheeled up the ramp by the big red monster. Cena, once at the top, smashed Kane into the side of the ambulance. Once placing Kane now into the wheelchair, hilariously wheeled Kane into a production box at the side of the stage. Awful and humourous. 

Cena, a babyface, asking us not to give in to hate, abandoned his morals once more by using steel chairs on Kane, a man he said he would never use 'hate crimes' on. Mic check. Cena spoke and then smashed Kane in a nothing talk into the mic. Then a monitor smashed Kane's head. 

Cena would set up the steel ring steps to the announce table. Oooohhhh... climbing the steps with Kane on his back in the Attitude Adjustment position, Kane reversed Cena and grabbed him for a chokeslam. Kane dropped him into the table with it! 

Stairway To Heaven!

It was the stairway to heaven! Oh the irony!

Kane went to retrieve the stretcher. Kane shortly placed Cena into the Ambulance. One door slammed shut. Would the other close? Just as closing Cena made a magical burst out of the door frame on Kane. Cena would then take the fight atop the vehicle. Climbing on top of the ambulance, Kane followed. Would one fall through the ceiling into the ambulance to then drive off? It would've made more sense.

Blocking the chokeslam, Cena then placed Kane high for the AA and threw him off the ambulance to the ground! 

The fact that WWE booked a lacklustre PPV which featured no strong matches apart from the chambers themselves wasn't helpful. With a card unclear and left to 'time on the night' ruined what it could have had. Elimination Chamber is designed specifically to draw many audience in, and it usually does, despite certain outcomes. The booking of Big Show and Santino as strong stars was in place to take spots that Rhodes and Barrett should have had the spotlight to shine in. The PPV, as a result, was abysmal. 

The ambulance match was short, pathetic and dire. It was of no interest whatsoever and shouldn't have had the main spot for being so loose. Kofi Kingston and The Miz were the best participants in the match, and WWE realised to re-build The Miz than crush him, which served well as platforms for him and Kingston, though it should have come at Royal Rumble. 

It was unfortunate that Randy Orton became injured, however Santino was not an adequate replacement. Even Sheamus could have changed rules to contest the contract. If Bryan won, then there would be no challenger, though Sheamus contract 'cash in' would gain him last place in the chamber. WWE could also have added any other Smackdown star in Santino's place. Big Show and Khali also didn't deserve to be there.

Big Show and Santino are Raw superstars. Meaning no Raw superstar can challenge nor be in Smackdown title matches, even if the supershow branding bands together, both, as brands, still have separation. As brand creator, Vince McMahon should know this.

Apart from Raw's chamber, the Women and Daniel Bryan this PPV was a washout. Classed as one of WWE's worst in ages, it should not be rewarding itself on any level and McMahon should be pissed that this went out as a shabby production, because, WWE's name is stamped all over it. The saving grace, however, could not increase this PPV rating, which is shamefully low. Rhodes should have been allowed more. Even Barrett should have had opportunity. Priorities need to be in place. 

Perhaps you need Waltham more than you think. What's the worst thing that can happen. Plus, should you wait or month or many to implement anything of importance to the Universe? The more you wait, the more audience you lose. 

Cena then went down and placed Kane into the ambulance. It then simply drove off. With someone who would usually fight before the transport left the arena. Nevertheless, Cena claimed the victory to close the PPV. That was it. It was nothing on The Mountie/Big Boss Man's loser spends a night in the prison cells match, as where this likeness derives from. 

Men/Women of their matches - Kofi Kingston, Tamina, Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, Kane

Man/Woman of the PPV - CM Punk

PPV Rating - 2/10

©  Max Waltham 23rd February 2012